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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Here's an example. If I were to treat H as the slimeball I think he is (right now), I would ask for separate time with the kids on S6's birthday and I would not have a party together with H.

W did party with me for D14 last month. I don't know how she felt about it. She may have been glad that I was there, she may have felt happy for D14 that I was there or she may have been vomiting in her mouth. I do know that I have huge respect for her for inviting me and I know that D14 will look back 20 years from now and see what she did and respect it too.


AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
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Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
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Wow, H is pretty predictable. I put a picture on facebook that is particularly good (a pro pic) and I get a call from H basically stuttering and wanting to chat and eventually saying "if I could just remove my brain from my head, I'd be a better person." I handled the conversation with levity and patience and I chose to end it after his aforementioned awesomely astute comment. I said, "I think I want to leave it on this note. I find it very amusing. I find you amusing." Which led to his quick reference to Goodfella's which was always our little joke...and I said, "not amusing as in like a clown, more intellectually amusing."

My friend says that I can do better...I'm hanging on that thought.



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I am absolutely stumped when it comes to deciding where to move with my kids and where they should go to school and what path I should take for myself (career-wise etc)...nothing feels right or clear.

I need to start moving and all I want to do is stay still.

I'm also PMSing, feeling a bit down and H comes back in a couple of days...then my kids go to him one day and then we spend a whole day together as a family for S6's bday.

Last edited by aliveandkicking; 09/16/09 06:42 PM.


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A&K

I have often felt paralyzed recently. I think it is human to not want to make the hard choices. I guess you just have to make them and move on.

Good luck.


Me: 36, W: 33, M: 10 yrs
Bomb: 1/09, Seperated: 9/09, Piecing Begins: 10/09

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Quote:
I am absolutely stumped when it comes to deciding where to move with my kids and where they should go to school and what path I should take for myself (career-wise etc)...nothing feels right or clear.



Start with the end in mind. Then break it down into pieces. You can handle it. The activity helps create more energy to get moving.

Cheers


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
I am absolutely stumped when it comes to deciding where to move with my kids and where they should go to school and what path I should take for myself (career-wise etc)...nothing feels right or clear.

I need to start moving and all I want to do is stay still.

I'm also PMSing, feeling a bit down and H comes back in a couple of days...then my kids go to him one day and then we spend a whole day together as a family for S6's bday.

Interesting that you bring this up right now cuz I'm grappling with similar issues. I find myself going in circles on planning about where to live, etc. because I can't seem to not factor in all the what if we reconcile issues. I end up for weeks now doing nothing. I need to focus on the ideal end-state assuming no reconciliation. So what does one year from now look like for you? Work from home situation in good school district with important amenities nearby and a support network nearby? Simple lifestyle, low maintenance situation to focus on you, kids and work? Now what's the plan. You already know all this stuff...you just need me to come over and kick you in the a$$ to get you going....LOL!!


AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
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Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

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Quote:
you just need me to come over and kick you in the a$$ to get you going....LOL!!


Well, assuming you're all the way in Boston, that could take a little too long.

But, ya, you hit the nail on the head. My sliver of hope is having a temper tantrum even though, in reality, I could not even consider living with H right away. So, the move is imminent regardless.

I am still waiting to get word about something very valuable I am trying to sell and it is taking waaaaay longer than it was supposed to and it makes a huge difference as to how I will handle my debt and my finances...have to carry on as if it wont happen but it is frustrating.

Career- well, I have considered going back to school. I am also sort of eeking toward a very fantastical old pursuit...the world is my oyster. grin



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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
[quote]Career- well, I have considered going back to school. I am also sort of eeking toward a very fantastical old pursuit...the world is my oyster. grin


Not the Tattoo Parlor again!


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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Well, assuming you're all the way in Boston, that could take a little too long.

No where near Boston though I did live there briefly in the past. Not on the west coast either though I am out there periodically for business travel.

RSF...who knows how I came up with that!


AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
Career- well, I have considered going back to school. I am also sort of eeking toward a very fantastical old pursuit...the world is my oyster. grin

Sounds like a blast!

We're all different, but for me I'd say keeping things simple for the next year or so feels right. I'm not really afraid of tons of simultaneous change...actually I sometimes thrive on it...but I think I want to leave plenty of room for enjoying kids, life, etc. without too much stress or pressure. Ya know?


AKA: "Ben the school teacher"
---
Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20
Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08
My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09
W w/OM 6/09-11/09

My Intro Thread
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