Most definately GG, we can only move on which ever direction it turns out to be as healed people.. Its no good dragging our sorry miserable previous lives into new ones! Just wish it was easier done than said!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well, neither of those steps has been initiated by h. Here's my sitch...h called last Friday and asked if he could come over to get financial papers for his lawyer. I asked what papers that would be and he said he didn't know, the list was on his desk and he would have to get it on Tuesday. So, the phone call was about.....????? My birthday was Tuesday, no contact and nc since then. Advice? Suggestions? I was always the initiator in the marriage, so I guess making him initiate would be a 180?
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Sorry GG do you mean my small steps? If so Im still waiting for them, so far H has phoned once a week, he has emailed a few financial questions, but that I keep to as Nell says, short, blunt and totally mysterious! Although one could say I had a minute small step as in he phoned in six days this time not seven and said he would phone in a few days time.. Whats the saying about believing only 50% so Im not holding my breathe here.. Huge (()) as it cant be nice him forgetting your birthday, and I totally understand my birthday is between xmas and new year.. its always been a bit "oh sh*t its W birthday" and so going out hardly ever happens..
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I need to seriously think about continuing to heal myself (which I am doing) and then trusting the universe to bring me that person. We all deserve to have that...don't we??
What does that mean?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
GG, I was reading another thread (hhh in Newcomers) and this post from gucci loafer struck me as something you need to hear/read. hhh doesn't think her H has OW but you already know that is true in your sitch.
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
There IS another woman. He sounds like he is done with you for now. I would guess the other woman has mentioned things like "yea but you are "still married". His normal reply would be, yea, but I am getting divorced.
Usually the man pushes things along if the other woman is making it an issue and showing signs that she won't be with a married man..... That is what I suspect....
I realize you want to find a million other reasons that take you around in circles, but my exerience has shown me that almost everytime, the final results show that there was another person in the picture...
Regarding the divorce? I can't understand why people on here almost always say to "let them do all the work"... I guess they heard it from someone else so they repeat it to the next person. I don't see where I can notice it being real effective to saving anything. If they want to come back, they come back. The marriage won't matter one way or the other. It is the PERSON they are coming back to if done correctly.
Why would you do that? The physical divorce isn't the same as the emotional divorce. Let him have it. I would pursue it if it was me.
Why? Because you get your best divorce deal when they are EAGER. Why not get the best deal? Why would you hurt yourself by waiting? Waiting for him to do it can backfire when it comes to splitting things up. If he decided to come back it will be whether you divorce or not. The actual divorce means squat... Do your own work....
Your choice. I see no advantage to waiting. I see no advantage to using the "let him do the work" routine. It only helps to keep you in limbo..
Get out of limbo. Go out. Start having fun. Force yourself to go out and mingle and have social interaction. I have seen or found no better way. Those that say they are going to wait "until" they are ready are usually fooling themeselves. Anybody can mope at home and say they are waiting to heal. Might as well mope out and about. Who knows what may happen.
You may find out that there is nothing wrong with you NOW. Certainly nothing than a new interest wouldn't take care of...
Good luck. I wouldn't wait. I would be the aggresssor as far as moving things toward ending this quickly. Sometimes it wakes them up when you move it fast. Sometimes not.
Amen.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
