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#1841878 - 09/21/09 10:33 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: frank_D]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion

Quote:
Sleeper, I forgot what your job vocation is...


Don't feel bad. So did I.

The earliest memory I have of knowing what I wanted to "be" was to be a "Renaisance man".

I often believe I've succeeded. I know very little about a lot and a lot about very little.

Student of history.
Collector of weapons.
Part-time musician (once upon a time).
Decent vocalist.
Have written poetry.

Born 100-200 years after my time.

(hate computers)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1841909 - 09/21/09 11:32 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
Originally Posted By: sleeper

Quote:
Sleeper, I forgot what your job vocation is...


Don't feel bad. So did I.

The earliest memory I have of knowing what I wanted to "be" was to be a "Renaisance man".

I often believe I've succeeded. I know very little about a lot and a lot about very little.

Student of history.
Collector of weapons.
Part-time musician (once upon a time).
Decent vocalist.
Have written poetry.

Born 100-200 years after my time.

(hate computers)

That's not an answer.
_________________________
Current Thread


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#1841997 - 09/22/09 06:59 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: frank_D]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion

I didn't realize you were asking a serious question.

I'm a social studies (history) teacher at a public middle school.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1842106 - 09/22/09 10:02 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
fisherman Offline
Member

Registered: 10/12/08
Posts: 4034
Originally Posted By: sleeper
"PICKING UP THE PIECES OF MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU ON MY MIND" (What more could one say?)


There you go!
_________________________
Don't stand still.

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#1843749 - 09/23/09 09:55 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: fisherman]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
So back to the boundary thing.....

X called me last night and asked about the kid's sports uniforms (they left them at my place). I told her I would wash the uniforms and get them to her.

This AM on the way to work I dropped off the clean uniforms along with their equipment organized in a new sports bag I was providing at her place. I texted her the stuff was on OMH's car (hope it scratched it).

A couple of hours later she texted me "thank you!" (probably when he wasn't around to see her text me as that is her style).

So this afternoon she texted she would need help with getting them to practice tomorrow night (where's OMH?) and asked me to call her tonight to talk about it. I texted her to text me back the time of the practice and I would "see what I could do to help". She hasn't responded.

This is another one of those grey areas where she seems to cake eat as she doesn't help me when I have the kids (she's just "too busy") but expects me to help her when she does. I want to be with my kids whenever possible but I don't feel comfortable placing myself at her beck and call. If I did, it seems I provide her with "family" support (she commented to a mutual friend who told her she shouldn't expect me to do all the childcare, "just because we're divorced doesn't mean we should change the way we parent.") while she enjoys playboy playtime with OMH.

Any thoughts, suggestions?


Edited by sleeper (09/23/09 10:01 PM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1843794 - 09/23/09 11:36 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
Grace_O Offline
Member

Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 4541
Loc: California
sleeper,

I get what you're saying and while I don't have this specific problem (my D's live with me 24/7), I do think you are being used.

When omh married her, he was aware of the kids and taking on a new role right? If not, it is her role to fill and to find whatever support she needs to get the kids where they need to be.

I know you want to spend every minute with them, but at what cost to yourself? Do you feel good about your choice? If you do, I guess you have your answer. Since it's problematic for her, perhaps she should just give you full custody? Works for me.

HUGS

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#1844009 - 09/24/09 10:34 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
fisherman Offline
Member

Registered: 10/12/08
Posts: 4034
Originally Posted By: sleeper
This is another one of those grey areas where she seems to cake eat as she doesn't help me when I have the kids (she's just "too busy") but expects me to help her when she does. I want to be with my kids whenever possible but I don't feel comfortable placing myself at her beck and call. If I did, it seems I provide her with "family" support (she commented to a mutual friend who told her she shouldn't expect me to do all the childcare, "just because we're divorced doesn't mean we should change the way we parent.") while she enjoys playboy playtime with OMH.

Any thoughts, suggestions?



You have summed this up perfectly. I too have struggled with this. You want to be there for your children, but at the same time you feel like you are being taken for granted, taken advantage of and almost like your allowing them to continue to have the "best of both worlds."

I don't know if there are any easy answers to this. I guess you have to consider the circumstances at the moment. How often it happens and most importantly what will take place with the children if you are not available to help at the time.

I usually try to be there for the kids when I can regardless.

One of two things will happen. They will wake up one day and realize they have missed out on many precious gifts that can never be replaced. Or they won't and they will continue to live in the land of the lost.

I wouldn't want to be in either of those positions. I feel sorry for them.
_________________________
Don't stand still.

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#1844540 - 09/24/09 08:35 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: fisherman]
forward Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 4046
Sleeper,
I understand you want to be with your kids whenever you can. But it's important for them to see that you have a life, too.

I have to work on that myself.
_________________________
M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
X has major medical issues
New Woman - died.
Remarried to new guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D


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