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#1813671 - 08/05/09 03:40 PM New Boundaries for the Bride
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
X called today, said she wanted to talk about the kids "afterschool stuff" as school is about to begin. The conversation quickly revealed what she was really wanted.

We have joint custody and exactly 50/50 domicile. We both have the kids every other week. What she wants is for me to pick up and take care of the kids the week she has them until she gets off work. She has abused this kindness in the past occasionally going to dinner with OM before calling me that she was off work (she works an irregular schedule.

She went on to say I didn't help her last year. This upset me as the truth is I did quite a bit but became less available to her after her and OM were engaged. Of course she remembers and focuses on the times I did not. DD was even saying from the backseat of the car, "Yes you did." during the phone convo with X. I asked, "What's the deal, has OM said he won't help you?" to which she became upset and said, "Are you saying he's an "*sshole" or something?"

The thing was left not completely resolved as she is considering two afterschool care options and my participation or lack thereof could have an impact upon her choice.

Right now I'm letting the sleeping dog lie.

Once again I feel in a no-win sitch as wither I will become the "*sshole" or dceny her of experiencing a life without my presence.

I think I need to be the "*sshole" for now.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1813677 - 08/05/09 03:50 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
dncrm Offline
Member

Registered: 10/18/08
Posts: 56
Yes you probably will be an a-hole but you'll probably be one whether you do what she wants in this instance or not. Maybe it's time that she felt the consequences of her actions. It's just not the reality of your current situation for her to expect that you owe her to be her backup. Just one of the many perks she will be giving up for her new life.

I've been kicking around here for quite for more years than I care to admit to and this is a very common scenario. The faces may change but the expectations on the part of our crazy spouses are pretty much the same.

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#1813733 - 08/05/09 05:26 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: dncrm]
graceallday Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 286
SLEEPER - its simple --- change the custody----she wants this you AGREE and with that we change the custody OFFICALLY and of course there is NO REASON to have this be an issue as SHE is asking YOU......should be a simple submit to the court that you both agree too......I assume someone is paying some one child support......????

I think the kids should be with you more anyway......so AGREE WITH HER...BUT WITH THE AGREEMENT COMES THE DOCUMENTS TO MODIFY ACCORDINGLY...REMEMBER SHE IS NOT MARRIED TO YOU ANYMORE AND THEY ARE BOTH YOUR KIDS...SO IT MUST BE DOCUMENTED WITH THE COURTS.....

I say this and in my case my 17 year old son....is always callin me for rides ( he gets license next week) on his Dads week cause his Dad just has him fend for himself......now if he was younger I would change custody......at his age I wont bother but you should set the tone you have years of this stuff left

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#1813847 - 08/05/09 09:07 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: graceallday]
forward Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 4046
Her own remark about the a-hole is interesting. Something tells me that you're right on target and she knows it.
_________________________
M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
X has major medical issues
New Woman - died.
Remarried to new guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D


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#1813939 - 08/06/09 01:18 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: forward]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Bingo, forward.

I myself thought it was interesting that when I asked if OM won't help anymore she in effect referred to him as an "*sshole" in her response. I think they've struggled with this (and probably had the convo) before. As I said I backed off being quite so available after they got engaged and it must have become an issue between them.

X deffinately noticed as she said I didn't help last year (she only remembers the end of the school year after they were engaged) and continued by saying how tired she is at the end of her day and mentioned I get off earlier than she does and could easily pick the kids up for her. Yes I have no life and live only to serve........NOT !

Earlier this week she asked me to keep the kids for her two days next week so she can go on a trip with OM as he will be traveling out of town and she has the "opportunity" to go with him.

"I love the night life, I love to boogie...." Gloria Gainer

I was only a little surprised to find OM at her home with the kids a week ago when she called and asked me to take DS to the doctor for pink eye. He couldn't take him? She was very greatful and said she would call OM and he would take the kids from me later that day. Never happened. He is an arrogant sort of jerk and fond of telling others where they have gone wrong and what their responsibilities are so I can just hear him saying, "Those are Sleepers kids, he should be watching them whenever you need him to watch them, not me."

Early on in this X remarked, "He doesn't have kids and he's not a kid friendly kind of guy." And more recently DD said X told her, "OM is just trying to adjust to having children around." During most of the past 2 years he basically moved in with X the weeks I had kids and moved back to his place when she had the kids. He no longer has a place of his own as he has moved in with X.

When dropping off the kids I have heard X tell them to go straight to their rooms. That made me angry because it is THEIR HOUSE more than his and I wondered if it wasn't her attempt to keep them out of the way.

The hard thing is the kids would rather be with me most of the time and I would rather have them with me. However......

I'm about to become a big *sshole about this.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1813972 - 08/06/09 07:43 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
fisherman Offline
Member

Registered: 10/12/08
Posts: 4034
Originally Posted By: sleeper
I'm about to become a big *sshole about this.


Stay firm Sleeper. Yes be the A-hole, but be the nicest, most cheerful, upbeat, confident A-hole you can be. smile
_________________________
Don't stand still.

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#1813996 - 08/06/09 09:13 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: fisherman]
forward Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 4046
Sleeper, Obviously OM didn't consider that the kids are part of the package.

Fantasy land is crumbling, and it has really only barely begun......
_________________________
M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
X has major medical issues
New Woman - died.
Remarried to new guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D


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#1814094 - 08/06/09 11:25 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: forward]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Here's one for all you dream analysts out there......

I tossed and turned this AM and didn't want to get out of bed. I'm a little depressed because of all I've got on my plate with the recent nuptuals and decisions that must be made about my elderly, recently injured mother's longterm care.

I dreamed I wasn't completely moved out of my old apartment. There was quite a bit of stuff there, the little odds and ends that drive you crazy near the end of a move. I decided to take a shower but couldn't find any towels and remembered I had already moved them to my new apt.

A couple of maintainence men came in, both were a little miffed that I was there and my stuff was in their way as ther had orders to do some repairs. It was then I noticed some of my stuff was missing and I assumed they had taken it as they had obviously been in the apt before then.

Then X came to my old apt in my dream. It was obvious she was pregnant, about 5-6 months along. I mentioned it to her and her only reply was that she wished she had worn something different as the top she was wearing made it show. I followed her oustside and took out a NEW CELL PHONE I had bought earlier in the dream. I really wasn't happy with it as it was styled for a LITTLE GIRL with a lot of PINK and very decorative.

I walked up to X and began to whisper something in her ear (don't remember what). Just as I did OM walked up and immediately became very angry, and taking off his coat to fight me. I walked away and back into the apt. END OF DREAM.

I awoke this AM to DD (who had snuck into my bed) saying someone is at our door. I heard the very light knocking and told her it wasn't our apt. They knocked again and DD said, "Yes it is, dad." I got up with my eyes half close and walked to look out the peephole fully expecting nobody to be there. When I looked through it there was X!

I opened the door and she commented, "Late night?" as it was mid-morning and I hadn't answered the phone when she called or answered the door the first time. Half awake I responded, "Yeah?"

X then said I need DD CELL PHONE, OM has lost his. DD's phone is on her plan. The kids were up and heard and DD went to get it. X looked around the apt a bit while DD retrieved phone and commented positively saying the master bedroom is big, etc. after DD gave her the phone, a pretty PINK one, X left.

X was back knocking at the door just moments later. She said, "This isn't the phone I need, I need the other one that was OM"s because it has the numbers and contacts he needs." OM had given DD his old phone when they were on vacation, maybe it was a pre-paid or he was about to get a new one.

That's weird. I dream about X, OM and a CELL PHONE styled for a LITTLE GIRL and before I wake up X is at the door, OM is waiting in the car outside and they need a CELL PHONE the first of which was PINK from my DAUGHTER.


Edited by sleeper (08/06/09 11:34 AM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1814200 - 08/06/09 02:01 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: forward]
frank_D Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 4939
Loc: Ventura County, CA
Originally Posted By: forward
Her own remark about the a-hole is interesting. Something tells me that you're right on target and she knows it.

I got that too.
_________________________
Current Thread


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#1814217 - 08/06/09 02:39 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: frank_D]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
yeah. At the same time she came across as very defensive of OM. As if on some level she knows he is a ______ but is very much ready to defend him (and therefore her own choice of him).

A very good mutual friend said a year ago, "So is so defensive of him." This good friend noticed OM's negative qualities but whenever she attempted to point them out to X she defended him.

This same friend did not attend the wedding and thinks X will regret the marriage in 3-5 years.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
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