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#1873004 - 11/12/09 04:13 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: PMA_Baby!]
BobbiJo Offline
Member

Registered: 01/07/08
Posts: 6948
Loc: Iowa
Originally Posted By: PMA_Baby!
It's like watching a monkey hump a football.


This sounds like something they would say on an SNL spoof of Dan Rather. He was always throwing out random catch phrases on the news...
_________________________
Me-35

Together: 18 yrs
M-12.5 yrs
S-8
D-4
D'd: Feb. 2010

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. --Zeph. 3:17

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#1873340 - 11/13/09 09:50 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: BobbiJo]
Startingover2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/07
Posts: 3325
Originally Posted By: BobbiJo
Kev

you can love someone unconditionally, and still decide that you cannot have a relationship (M) with them.



I have heard the same sort of thing. When it comes to my exh I was told "Love him from afar, but make sure your boundaries are in place".

Kevin, I hope you have a good weekend.
_________________________
Me: 46 FWS: 36
Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07
Baby Girl born 3/08
Kicked him out because OW: 7/08
5/10 He realized what he had and lost.
Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!

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#1873354 - 11/13/09 10:08 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: Startingover2]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
Hypothetically speaking,

If I were to decide to file for D on my W, would it be better for me to let her know in advance and give her the option to sign the waiver of service, or just not say anything and have her served?

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1873368 - 11/13/09 10:25 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
KerryK Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 5992
Loc: Beaver State
I was polite and gave mine the papers personally. She had 10 days to acknowlege receipt or then she would be served by the Sheriff.
_________________________
Young divorced dad who lives half the time with a wonderful son (10) and daughter (8).

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#1873379 - 11/13/09 10:40 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: KerryK]
CityGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/09
Posts: 2612
Think about how blindsided you felt when your W dropped the bomb on you. It hurt and shocked you. So, keeping that in mind if you are now prepared to file for divorce I would let her know AFTER you filed and tell her she can expect to be served (or however it works in Texas) on xx day.

If you feel the need to tell her prior to filing I would make it short and simple and just let her know that you feel all possibilities have been exhausted to reconcile the M and you have had papers drawn up and will be executing them tomorrow and she can expect to receive them by xx date. Let her know that you have been counseled in depth by an attny and your goal is to find a fair and reasonable way to dissolve the marriage/finances/assets and find the best possible solutions for custody for the children then END THE TALK.

She will not like this but if you really are ready to do this and it's not a ploy of some sort on your part then be prepared to be strong and follow through with it. Be kind, be detached and wrap your head around the mindset of this being about business.

Is this something you are considering? If so, why?

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#1873383 - 11/13/09 10:47 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: CityGirl]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
It is not a ploy CG. I think I am running to my wits end on this. Last night we talked because D11 got in trouble again with W. Then W tells me she is at the mall getting a gown to go to the Margarita Ball which is a big upscale charity event here in DFW. I had told her previously that I had 2 tickets which are hard to come by and I would hope she would be interested in going with me since she had never been and wanted to go. Of course she said no back then and I released the tickets.

Also, November 21st the night of the ball is the one year anniversary of her officially sleeping with OM for the first time. A date I can't seem to forget. So between that being the anniversary and the Ball on the same night, I think I just kind of am at my wits end with this whole M. I don't see really any chance of anything changing with her.

It is a serious consideration at this point. I don't want to be hasty, but I am really thinking about being done in some aspects with this M and moving on.

I know this goes against everything I have stood for. But I think I also didn't realize how hard this would be emotionally to do forever.

I haven't decided yet, but I have really been thinking about it since last night.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1873395 - 11/13/09 10:55 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
It is not an easy decision to come to. I am going to think about it over the weekend. I was just wanted some advice on how to go about it if I decide to go ahead and file next week.

Plus, I don't know why she hasn't refiled yet other than she is worried about money and waiting to build up money and hire a L to really go after me. If that is the case, why wait?

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1873397 - 11/13/09 10:57 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
KerryK Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 5992
Loc: Beaver State
Did last weekend with the girl at the bar have anything to do with the change in softening your stance on your M?

Hey man, I can totally understand about wanting it to be done.
_________________________
Young divorced dad who lives half the time with a wonderful son (10) and daughter (8).

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#1873399 - 11/13/09 10:58 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
CityGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/09
Posts: 2612
Do not be hasty and do not let emotions dictate your actions.

Filing for a D is not the way to handle being at your wits end.

Take a few days to think about it when you are not so emotionally charged then make a decision.

Talk to your C, talk to your sponsor, write a list of pros and cons and be smart, not emotional.

Things change and if you no longer care to stand for your marriage that is just fine. We all have our limits.

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#1873400 - 11/13/09 11:01 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: CityGirl]
Startingover2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/07
Posts: 3325
I agree...take your time and make sure its what YOU want. You have been through alot and whats a few more days?

I would tell her after you file that she will be recieving papers soon. That way she is not blindsided, and you are being honest.

There is nothing saying that you cannot change your mind even after the D is in process or final. If you feel you need to start the closure process then do it.
_________________________
Me: 46 FWS: 36
Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07
Baby Girl born 3/08
Kicked him out because OW: 7/08
5/10 He realized what he had and lost.
Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!

Top
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