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I am going to AA. I went again last night. I can't just leave work and go.

25, you being catholic know D is not an option in the church.

Prayers do work. You just have to be patient and do the work on yourself while you continue to pray.

Maybe I do have an addictive personality. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. If finding someone else were an option in the church, I would probably do it. But it is not. And I do love my W. So I do pray for our restoration.

I am going to have some opportunities to put my best foot forward again coming up. I am going clothes shopping with her. And she wants me and the kids to come over for breakfast the first day of school so we can take them together. There are 2 opportunities right there to put a good foot forward. Not all hope is lost. It is just the current circumstances are bad. It can be turned around with time and work and prayer. Perhaps a long time. But nothing is hopeless through God. I refuse to believe that. For some people it takes years for God to work on them. There has been a lot of damage done that will not be healed anytime soon. But things can change in the future. It just may be a long road to that future.

Nothing is impossible. It is just bleak right now.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1818585 08/13/09 04:55 PM
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Quote:
25, you being catholic know D is not an option in the church.


That's not true. Talk to your priest.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach #1818592 08/13/09 05:03 PM
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What if God is telling you NOT to be with your W. Are you going to disobey God?

How do you know what God wants you to do? Until you stop telling God what you NEED and start LISTENING to what you're being told you cant move forward.

Stop talking and start listening.

PMA

Coach #1818594 08/13/09 05:05 PM
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FYI - Annullments are possible even for marriages as long as yours. I believe the criteria has something to do with one of the parties not being mentally/emotionally able to enter into the marriage relationship. My aunt had her marriage with my uncle annulled after nearly a decade.


The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.

My sitch - Divorce Busted!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
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Why would God tell you to do something he forbids in the bible? That doesn't make sense. At most he tells you to separate and pray and fast and then come back together again.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1818599 08/13/09 05:09 PM
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Dia, our M was valid. It can only be annulled if it was invalid from the start. There was nothing invalid about ours at the start that I can see. Sure, some people and priests abuse it and they will be left standing to answer for it. But an annulment should truly be a rare case.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1818600 08/13/09 05:12 PM
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We could debate this all day. God teaches about "free will". Your W does not want to be with you. Unless you can prove to the church that she is possessed by the Devil and is not in control of her will/soul then you can not force someone to Love you let alone be married to you.

Like the saying goes " sometimes if you Love someone or something enough you have to let them go..."

How much do you love your W Kevin??? Enough to make her happy??? Enough to give up CONTROL??? This doesn't mean forever... But it could....


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It's over Kevin.

She isn't coming back.

It's over.

Coach #1818605 08/13/09 05:23 PM
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My brother's 2nd marriage was in the Catholic Church with a full mass, and it was also her 2nd marriage and they both brought 3 d's into the m for a total of 6 kids...in a Catholic Church without either of them getting an annulment. (I believe the first marriages did not take place in Catholic churches, but I could be wrong.)

But even if you were totally correct, if my h deserted me for good and remarried and THEN God sent a kind loving man into my life, I might very well not choose to be alone the rest of my life. I might very well be flexible rather than trying to prove something to others or become holier than thou and turn away from a gift from heaven. Maybe I would marry and maybe not. I can't say.

But I sense a "I'll fall on my sword" attitude from you b/c you honestly find that the path of least resistance. I don't believe for a minute that you are capable of waiting for her patiently, for weeks or months, let alone the years it would take for you and your wife to really get it. You haven't been able to back off enough yet... Maybe her heart will soften but without something like Retrovaille, I can't see it.

So again I say, focus on what you have. B/C when you focus on what you don't have but think you need.... it really is crazy. Reflect on that b/c it comes from a mind greater than mine for sure. It's profound and with effort you can be too. Try to think about it.

Sometimes I think you are very UNGRATEFUL to God.
God could give you a million bucks and bless your d's with complete health AND HAPPINESS, send you great advice from 188 people.... but if your w isn't coming home soon, you'd still be miserable, correct? That says a lot.

As for AA, you have to DO the program, not just attend meetings. Going to them is a start, and I congratulate you on that. But As they say "work the program b/c the program works"...

j-


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Kevin, you are ruining your life so that you can go on to blame God for it. It is perverse and distressing to anyone reading here. If that is the "God of your choice," one who is merciless and would prefer to see you and your children suffer and have you suppress your talents and your propensity for true joy then there is truly nothing anyone can say here.

I relate very much, Kevin, to your notion that there is only one acceptable outcome in your situation. But, you know where that was leading me? To near suicide because one in a constant state of discontent and anxiety when you choose a "do or die" mentality regarding something that is completely beyond one's control. And I am not religious at all, so I get that this is an even tougher challenge for you. But, I was digging my heels in so hard. When I saw myself five years from now having operated from that place, I saw myself dead and my kids on crack. I'm not kidding. You are choosing to see your life as worthless without your W and since she is gone and most likely for good, think of what you have coming to you in the next few years if you don't adjust your mindset. It is not pretty and your kids are going to be so damaged.

If your way is so in sync with the Lord and his plan for it, then why aren't you posting here about how gratifying it is for you to follow him? Why don't you recognize every disappointment as your loving God's method of challenging you so you can be an even better man, heck, you could be the perfect man, Jesus incarnate if you believe enough...either stick to your dogma and exemplify to us all how fulfilling and profound this path is or recognize that you are using God as a tool to escape really growing as a person and progressing. The latter is worse than divorce (if you're religious and I'm not). To do things that are destructive and nonsensical and then blame them on your allegiance to God is abhorrent and probably offensive to religious folks. You know, there are so many ways you are violating the tenets of your religion, you just choose divorce as the one that is off limits.

I don't think a single person should post regarding Kevin's wife or answer him when he does. Until he shifts the paradigm in his own mind, this is a depressing exercise in futility. And, I assert once more, that it may not be until he is drunk on some street corner having lost his kids that he "gets it." We are powerless.



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