God is there for you but he has sent you *many* positive things that you will not participate in, stick to or even give a chance.
I find it most alarming that you think you have detached from your W.
Have all the faith you want but use that faith as a source of strength to use the resources that are being provided to you. If you use BOTH in conjunction with one another you will have a life altering experience. Why wont you even consider it?
You say you cant read books because your mind wanders so you listen to books on audio. That alone should tell you that you need guidance and structure on how to focus with multiple resources.
With all due respect you are started to sound so preachy its getting hard to even read your posts. Its avoidance and until you realize that, realize you *can* do both, I think your support system will drain quickly. Sorry to say that but I think it is true.
Its almost insulting to ask you questions that are reasonble and have merit and meaning and for you to respond with a preachy post about religion. The more you throw yourself into this mindset the further back you set yourself UNLESS you begin to incorporate more solution based tactics. So far your plan has been religion and pills. You need more. We all do. We are ALL still trying to work with you but you block us at every turn. How much longer do you think that will continue?
This may sound ugly but its the harsh truth. We have asked how we can help you and you say be patient. We have been patient. Very patient. But you need to put some work in the process as well and that work invovles solutions that are therapy based on structure, guidance and proven methods and techniques.
Other than not thinking about my W, I'm doing fine. I am working. I'm doing things I like. I socialize quite well when I leave the apartment. I am making friends. I socialize fine at work. I take care of my responsibilities.
While I miss my W its not stopping me from functioning and doing things. I am starting to do more than I used to. I am slowly getting through this. I'm not as bad off as I used to be. I am plenty able to go out and have a good time with other people. I leave W alone. I don't have the most active life in the world, but then I have never been the most active person in the world. But I am enjoying friends when I don't have my kids and when I do have my kids I enjoy my time with them.
Ok yes. It is hard to see W knowing the state of mind she is in. But I am keeping it together in front of her. And I do want any opportunity to put my best foot forward.
Stuck, we haven't talked about it recently.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
We had started out talking about it, but have been focused on learning more about the faith now.
The fact that I am looking forward to making new things for dinners and doing things is a big plus for me. I could have cared less some time ago about anything. I am finding enjoyment in things again.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Other than not thinking about my W, I'm doing fine. I am working. I'm doing things I like. I socialize quite well when I leave the apartment. I am making friends. I socialize fine at work. I take care of my responsibilities.
While I miss my W its not stopping me from functioning and doing things. I am starting to do more than I used to. I am slowly getting through this. I'm not as bad off as I used to be. I am plenty able to go out and have a good time with other people. I leave W alone. I don't have the most active life in the world, but then I have never been the most active person in the world. But I am enjoying friends when I don't have my kids and when I do have my kids I enjoy my time with them.
Ok yes. It is hard to see W knowing the state of mind she is in. But I am keeping it together in front of her. And I do want any opportunity to put my best foot forward.
Stuck, we haven't talked about it recently.
Kevin
Ok Kev - this is a a start. You are showing some of the mindset in this post that all of us are talking about.
This is what I am going to ask you to do. Look at every post you have done in the last 3 days. You mention your W in every single paragraph. Even in the one I'm quoting above.
Can you start posting without mentioning her at all? We all know how much you love her. Nobody is questioning that, nobody is telling you not to. What we want you to do is start loving yourself.
Can you post to us things you do for you for the next few days? You are mentioning socializing with friends. That to me is the best thing you can do to start detaching. Become more sociable. Maybe that is a great 180 for you that you have not thought of. You say that you are slowly getting through this. Maybe you can push yourself to pick up the pace. Fill your calendar-for YOU. Become more of an active person. It's healthy, both physically and spiritually. Invite people out. Invite people over. Go bike riding. Go for a walk. Go jogging. Hit golf balls. Take your kids camping. Take your kids canoeing. Take your kids to the movies and for ice cream, with a friend and his/her kids. Have a BBQ at your house. Throw a party for the heck of it. Go bowling. Play tennis with someone. Visit a park or a museum you haven't been to. Take the kids to the zoo. Go for a boat ride. Go up in a hot air balloon. Go parasailing. Go fishing. Go to a crappy restaurant and eat junk and drink some beer. Play cards with the boys. Buy some new clothes. Get a different haircut. Go to the music store and try some different genre. Get a bluray player and start a new collection. Find some non-fiction books that you can pour yourself into before you go to bed at night - I recommend James Patterson and the Alex Cross series. Buy the Box set on some TV series that you though you would like but never had the time to watch. Take a cooking class. Buy the kids one of those toy planes that makes a lot of noise. Get a dog if you don't have one. You get the idea.
Enjoy Kevin. Find out there is more to him than meets the eye.
Try.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
I think it is about time for the hair to get cut again. I'm trying to figure out what I am going to have for dinner tonight. I don't have the kids tonight.
D7 and I went to the park where the nature hike is last night. We got about part way down and D7 decided she'd had enough. So we walked back to the beginning and she had met another girl on a scooter that was about her age and they swung together and played at the park together for a while. I just kind of hung out. D11 didn't want to go because she was not feeling well. So she stayed home.
Maybe I will go visit LA Fitness tonight and see about getting signed up there.
I'm thinking I am going to take the girls to chucky cheese on saturday. Maybe we will go on the nature hike first on Saturday. We could hit the pool saturday night. There is also a family barbq going on Saturday for a meetup group. I might do that with them.
I could just end up spending some quality alone time with Kevin tonight.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Hey Kevin, I used to be a confirmed couch potato. I joined Planet Fitness gym during the Great Sadness, and it was the best thing I could have done. Now, I get upset if I miss a day! Join the gym. Working out helps get rid of pent-up frustrations of any type. Plus, for me it was good to be in a place full of strangers who don't know what I am going through. It gives you a place to go when you want to get away from everything, because it is new and different. And, you keep in shape! Try it!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Ya, I found that excercise is a real mood booster for me. And I desparately need to lift weights. The only thing is I don't want to take time away from my girls. But I need to probably lift at least 3 times a week. I will have to work something out on the weeks when I have them so I can continue to get into shape. Walking is great and I enjoy it, but it doesn't do anything for the upper body.
I'm gonna run by there tonight. I printed out a free 3 day pass.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
