Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 190 of 239 1 2 188 189 190 191 192 238 239
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 5,992
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 5,992
It must be the weather, but my hands are sure dry today. What to do?

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 730
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 730
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen


And I have come to realize that this board must be sponsered by Vaseline Intensive Care Hand Lotion.



Heh.

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
Originally Posted By: K4D
Quote:
Detachment is not necessarily the solution to having a productive, fruitful, and happy life.


I don't think it is the solution taken for most. Just my 2 cents.

Kevin


Do you remember the story about the old lady and the african violets?

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,041
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3,041
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Detachment is not necessarily the solution to having a productive, fruitful, and happy life.


Well, detatchment from a 'bad situation' certainly is necessary to having a productive, fruitful, and happy life!


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
Quote:
Do you remember the story about the old lady and the african violets?


No.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,240
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,240
Originally Posted By: K4D
I think that you have to get to a point where you can be happy without someone because nobody knows what the future holds. However, in saying that, lets be honest.


Let the passive-aggressive wankery begin!

Originally Posted By: K4D
Most people that claim they are happy with themselves and have "detached" and are able to move on, do so because they have created the thought and image of someone else in their life, thereby still putting their happiness in the hope of someone else. They detached from their current relationship/M only because of a happy thought of someone else filling in their needs that they can't get met in their M anymore. I see it way to often on this site by people claiming they have detached and are happy with themselves and it is really a fasad. They have just transferred their happiness to another person or the thought of another person.


I had to read this three times to make sure that I understood what I was looking at.

I'm with stuck: with this one statement, you've insulted not only everyone who has spent months trying to help you in spite of yourself, but everyone here who is trying their damnedest to deal with one of the most difficult, emotionally draining events in their lives.

Just because you can't detach, you've convinced yourself that no one else "really" detaches, either. After all, it's easier to pretend that everyone is as flawed as you than to accept that maybe you can't hack it, that this is too much work for you.

You seem to have all of the answers, Kevin, so I guess our work here is done. Best of luck to you.


Me: 44, Wife: 39
M: 17 years T: 20 years
Bomb on 08/25/09
1/13/10: MC started
1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs
8/28/10: Wife moved out
No talk of D, no movement

"Every day is another chance to get it right."
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
When you can tell me that you truly don't care if anyone else ever enters into your life again and you will be completely happy and fulfilled, then you have truly detached. I don't buy that most people can truly say that and mean it. But I also admit that I don't know what percentage that is either.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
It is natural to want someone else in your life. Most people feel that desire. For most I am not sure it completely goes away. People need someone for the most part. Most people don't want to live the rest of their life alone. One of the greatest fears of most people is being alone for the rest of their life. There are plenty of reports to validate that.

I stand by what I said.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
K
K4D Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 3,975
Also, most people who are alone wish they had someone. I fail to see why that is such an ignorant statement. There is a need, desire, want, etc for most people to have someone in their life.

Call it what you want.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,612
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,612
I am with you, Trent.

Kevin, I am simply shocked that you had the audacity to write and post what you did. People, myself included, have worked harder than they have ever worked to detach and become emotionally stable and healthy and HAPPY without the aid of somebody else in the form of a intimate/romantic R - either in the real sense or simply the ideal of one. And, FWIW, many of us have done so under far dire circumstances than you can even begin to imagine and I hope you never have to. While you worry about the stupid BS that you do some of us get up each day and wonder if today will be the day our kidneys stop working or we will fall out of remission but you sure as hell don't see us taking polls on how to handle it on our own with inner strength and dedication. Then again, I don't use my "circumstance" as an excuse to not move forward, be happy and make the best damn life I can for myself.

I think Trent is correct, you *do* have all the answers and there is nothing more for us to exchange. I will echo the "best of luck to you" statement.

I really think you have no idea how terribly offensive your post was. Your W might treat you like crap but you treat others the same way. At least your W is open and treats you like crap because she feels like it. You treat people like crap under the guise of being a victim, stander, preacher or whatever it is this week. You can project your weakness all you want, it just won't fall on my ears or eyes anymore. And that my friend is a boundary.

Take care.

Page 190 of 239 1 2 188 189 190 191 192 238 239

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard