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Gardener #1807544 07/24/09 01:56 PM
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I dropped off my kids this morning at the rec center and made it to work. Another weekend without my W. I have good friends to be with tonight and tomorrow night and that is a blessing.

Journaling:

I am so tired of this crap with my W pretending like she is single. Whatever stuff happened in the M doesn't give her the right to be with other men and break up our family. What part of for better or FOR WORSE to people not get these days? And if you try and say anything about it, oh, you are judgemental or not living in reality or whatever other crap they can throw at you. Vows mean nothing. A covenant means nothing.

Well it DOES mean something. Its not something fake you can just toss aside when you find something delicious out there. Do people really think they are released from their lifetime vow and covenant made with God? Based on what? Where? People just say I can do what I want because I have free will. Thats true. But if you think you are released from a covenant, think again. Its still there whether or not you choose to honor it. You are not released from it. None of us are. For better OR FOR WORSE, TIL DEATH DO YOU PART. Not til that sexy person over there likes me.

You know, I would not leave my W if she became disfigured or something else. But oh, I made to many mistakes so she has decided there is much more delicious men out there.

Frusturated and venting this morning. Time continues to go by and I see no change in W. How long before any kind of spiritual awakening occurs? Some realization of what a vow and covenant really means? Some thought about "Oh, I do have a family and kids that need both parents to be united and loving"? "Oh you mean that was for life? I didn't realize for life meant for life".

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1807568 07/24/09 02:44 PM
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I sure hope this card and pic of the kids plants some kind of seed to reconciliation when I give it to my W next Sunday. I am so tired of this. I miss being close to my W.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1807578 07/24/09 02:51 PM
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Quote:
I sure hope this card and pic of the kids plants some kind of seed to reconciliation when I give it to my W next Sunday.


Kevin this is a HUGE problem for you right now...You're giving the card with an expectation, it shouldn't matter what her reaction is. You are going to have a huge backslide because you are not going to get what you want from her with this card...trust been there done it. Get detached man it makes YOUR LIFE so much better you won't believe it.


Me:40
W: 39
T: 17 years
M: 15 years
S-9
D-6
D final 11/10/2009

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."



K4D #1807581 07/24/09 02:52 PM
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So early in the morning, and the backsliding is beginning. Stop it, Kevin. You've had a decent week, don't start this kind of defeatist, negative, bs thinking.

Once again, you're already looking for a "spiritual awakening" in your wife -- you need to be patient! A few days ago you were talking about "standing for your M" even if it takes 50 years, and now a few days later, and you're feeling at the end of your rope.

What fun are you planning for this weekend?

Also, remember that the card and pic for your W was supposed to be given WITH NO EXPECTATIONS, and now you're talking about "planting seeds". Stop it. If you can't give the card with no expectations, then don't do it.

BTW, you've been giving very sound counsel to others on these boards. Go back and read some of your own advice, and then apply it!


Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15
K4D #1807588 07/24/09 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted By: K4D
How long before any kind of spiritual awakening occurs? Some realization of what a vow and covenant really means? Some thought about "Oh, I do have a family and kids that need both parents to be united and loving"? "Oh you mean that was for life? I didn't realize for life meant for life".



Kevin, I hate to say it, but one of the toughest things for me to have come to grips with is that cold reality is that this RARELY happens. And if it appears to, many times it's a "false start" or -- worse -- just crocodile tears.

Read the success stories. Most of them are LONG, hard, grudging work, step by step, with fits and starts along the way. It takes a couple of YEARS.

You're 8 runs down, and you're looking for two grand slams. The truth is, you need some combination of 32 singles, walks, etc.

Puppy

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Originally Posted By: volleydog
Quote:
I sure hope this card and pic of the kids plants some kind of seed to reconciliation when I give it to my W next Sunday.


Kevin this is a HUGE problem for you right now...You're giving the card with an expectation, it shouldn't matter what her reaction is. You are going to have a huge backslide because you are not going to get what you want from her with this card...trust been there done it. Get detached man it makes YOUR LIFE so much better you won't believe it.


Yep -- BINGO.

Better: "Give nothing; EXPECT nothing."

Puppy

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Hey K - finally got some time to read some of your threads. Just wanted to stop in and throw some support bombs your way. Also, maybe it's better I haven't read all of your sitch. From what I see, you still have to really work on detaching, which to me is the TOUGHEST part of the process. Puppy, Phoenix, Coach and Bworl and co. all helped me on that.

So much of what I read of your posts brings back memories from last year for me. Detaching is the key to success for YOU - not saving your M. Save you first. Detaching is a process. There are many times you think you are detached only to learn you are not. But stay with it because when you get there you will see that life may have something in store for you that you kinda like.

And absolutely start living with no expectations from your W.

Strength and Honor, bro.

Mules


M 43
W 44
M 17
T 22
S16,12,9
Bomb 2/05/08
I served her 1/06/09
S'd 3/15/09
D'd 12/21/09



"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
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I'm not expecting anything. I am just hoping it "might" plant a seed. Its something that 25 said. It "might". I don't expect any kind of reaction and I am not going to hang around to see if there is one. I'm not looking for an over night seed to grow. I know it takes a long time. I am standing for my M no matter how long it takes.

Doesn't mean I don't get frusturated during the process and think about her. I have my up times and down moments. It was gray this morning on the drive into work and I was just thinking about how I wish she had even a care in the world about our M and family. I was missing being close to her and spending time with her.

Tonight I am going to my divorce support group to a place of entertainment and food. Tomorrow night I will be enjoying another good evening with FaithfulH. Sunday morning will be church and Sunday night I get my kids back. I am going to continue to excercise on the nature trail in that park not to far from here. I am thinking about paying $30 a month and joining LA Fitness so I can lift weights. Does anyone have any opinions one way or the other on that gym? I am also still thinking about buying a bike for additional excercise.

My new testament audio CD's arrived so I can put those on my MP3 player now. My Codependent No More audio book is scheduled to arrive on Monday.

I gotta snap back out of this funk. I have great advice to offer, I just need to make sure I am applying to myself as well. I think it is hard knowing my W has moved on from the fantasy A and is now looking for a real new life. I missed a great opportunity to do things right the first time because I couldn't get past my emotional state. Things could have been better between us now and I blew it. I'm doing things right this time, but it is going to be a really long time it seems and I guess I am just not looking forward to the long journey that awaits me. She is so far removed from me it seems. I see no signs of her looking back at all.

I am still praying. I stopped by the church again yesterday to pray more. The apostles used to go to the church to pray in the bible because it is God's house. I try to do the same.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1807614 07/24/09 03:27 PM
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Next Sunday will be extremely hard. It is our 12 year anniversary and I will have to drop off my kids for the week to W on that day and expect nothing. That is going to be a tough day to swallow.

The detachment process is still being worked on. The following month will be my birthday. I don't think I will celebrate my birthday this year. I just don't really care to much about it. It seems like the older we get the years are supposed to get better and they just don't seem like it right now.

I will smap out of this. Just thoughts on my mind this morning.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1807631 07/24/09 03:47 PM
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I just went to the rejoice ministries website and listened to a daily talk by Charlene about God wanting my M restored. It was uplifting. That is a really good site. She said God created the instituion of M and hates D and wants M restored. I also have to captivate my thoughts and focus them on God and Jesus and not the things of the world so that my prayers are not hindered. It was a good message to hear today. She has a new message each day that you can listen to on audio.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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