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#1822874 - 08/20/09 08:20 PM Probably too late
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Hi, I was given a book called Divorce Busting this morning by a friend and told I should come here. Altho I may have messed up so badly that it's too late. Im scared, confused, angry, in love, and strangly in mourning all at once.

My husband and I married a little over 2 years ago. Very much in love and happy. we have no children and decided we didn't want any. At least not anytime soon. 11 months ago, barely a year into our marraige , he had to move overseas for work. My health prevented me from moving and I am still unable to join him. I am better, but travel on that scale would be difficult for me.

We talked online or on the phone everyday. We missed each other but we were very happy and knew it wouldnt be forever. My health improved over time and things began to look up for me , him and us.

That was until 3 weeks ago. He had to go on a trip and would be gone for 4 days. He left on Friday, txt me and told me he loved me and wouldnt have service and would let me know Monday when he was back. This is nothing unusual, it has happened a few times and I thought nothing of it. Monday came and I didn't hear form him. I sent a few txt over the next couple of days with no word from him. On that friday, I sent an email, letting him know I was concerned but mostly just updating him on what I was up to. Again, this was a very usual thing. As days went by I became increasingly worried that something had happened to him. I called and contacted everyone I knew over there. He was ok and nobody was really sure why he hadnt contacted me.

Last week I became frantic. I sent email after email, VM's , txts . ANYTHING I could think of to reach him. Still no word. I found out about a networking site he was on that I wasnt aware of, no I didnt look for it, someone else told me about it. I went to the site and things looks normal. I don;t use networking sites and couldnt leave a msg for him, I had no account. I decided I was being ridiculous and since this was so unlike him to give him a little time.

Now we're at this week. I received a letter from him stating that by the time I got it, he would be dead!!! I died inside and PANICKED. I logged in to every site I could, checked the post date on the letter , he was very much alive and talking to ppl. Nobody had a clue what I was talking about , but no, he was fine.

I lost it. He was deliberately trying to make me think he had died. I logged onto the one site that we both used and sent a msg that I had had enough. I knew he was ok and pretty much went off on him and told him we were over. That was yesterday. I was so angry. I can't say I didnt mean some of what I said because I did. Some of it, was just pain.

This morning I logged in to see if he had responded or anyone had heard anything. He had deleted all his online accounts I knew about and removed or blocked all of our friends.

I am devastated that he would do this. I was blindsided and I'm confused. No word in 3 weeks, nothing. Not one response.

I know I made a mistake sending that mssage yesterday, but now I can't take it back. I'm afraid I will never hear from him again and when i do it will be divorce papers. I don't even know what is wrong or why he did this. All our communication has been good up until 3 weeks ago. Being long-distance, it was all we had and we were very attentive to that.

I started reading the book this morning, but we can't see each other i can't travel, and if he won't respond....I don't know what to do? I feel hopeless and lost and horrible. How can I possibly fix this without some kind of communication?

Sorry if this is so long.

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#1822878 - 08/20/09 08:23 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
davidswife Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 819
Loc: Midwest
Calm down.

Read DB - then start working on you.

I'd close any joint checking accounts - re-open in your name. Are you on the same cell phone account. Get the records, then have his service cut off if you can.

Think about you and protect you.

Stacy
_________________________
Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15

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#1822884 - 08/20/09 08:30 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: davidswife]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11163
Wow this is a new one. Are there any mutual friends that you have that can talk to him and see what's going on?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1822886 - 08/20/09 08:32 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: davidswife]
Dia Offline
Member

Registered: 07/14/09
Posts: 1259
Hi, Dusk,

The section of the book relevant to you is what's called the Last Resort technique. Read and re-read that part, and we'll help you from there.

Cheers,

Dia
_________________________
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.

My sitch - Divorce Busted!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137

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#1822903 - 08/20/09 08:53 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: Dia]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
We have don;t have joint account because he went overseas. I was wary of doing that and kept my own. He also uses a different cell phone carrier. Thank you for that advice tho, I wouldnt have thought of it.

As far as mutual friends , they are blocked as I am and he won't speak to them at this time. I have no way to reach anyone that is contact with him at this time. He kept one site on, so I can see when he logs in,but again, he has me blocked. I can only look at his page I can't send a message.

Wow, last resort was at the back of the book. Ok, Im going to read this now.

Thank you for responding. i am....crying and frightened and I have no family of my own, he is all I have. I dont know his family well unfortunately and have not had much contact with them, he had little to no contact with them. So I never got a chance to get to know them. I do have his mom's address.
i can't believe I sent that message. ...ok and to make matters worse, I also put the letter he wrote me in an envelope and sent it back to him with a few choice words. I did say I was glad to find out he was ok, which I am VERY relieved. Yes, i know I let my temper get to me. He has never even seen that side. A sure sign I'm getting healthier I suppose.

Ok..Im going to read now....

Dusk

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#1822907 - 08/20/09 08:56 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Dia Offline
Member

Registered: 07/14/09
Posts: 1259
Hmm, I don't suppose that letter is still in your mailbox waiting to get picked up? If it is, go get it. If things get legal and ugly, it's necessary evidence.
_________________________
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.

My sitch - Divorce Busted!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137

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#1822917 - 08/20/09 09:03 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
spellfire Offline
Member

Registered: 12/01/08
Posts: 812
Loc: USA
My initial reaction is...do you want to spend the rest of your precious life on someone that would pull this crap?

Having said that, I also understand how tough this must be.
_________________________
Spellfire aka Mike

"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A

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#1822936 - 08/20/09 09:17 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: spellfire]
PainfulDusk Offline
Member

Registered: 08/20/09
Posts: 219
Loc: Texas
Yes Dia , it is, it wont be picked up until morning. I should get it out? Legal? Im not too saavy on that sort of thing, but yes I will run and get it back out.

Spell.....My friends here have asked me the same thing. My initial answer is, yes. This isn't like him at all. I have known him 3 years, and been married for 2. I initially thought it was some kind of sick joke until I spoke to a friend of his. His friend is as baffled as I am.

...

Ok, I read the last resort technique. DON'T contact him???? Even tho he isn't contacting me either? Not pursuing makes sense however. Sorry if Im all over the map. Im really unsettled right now. Other stuff he won't be able to see since he is not here.

I keep trying to figure out what I did wrong. I always kept communication open with him and listened when he needed someone to rant to. He did the same for me. The only change that is obvious the past couple of months was me wanting to build a car. I bought a 69 camaro body and told him about it. He used to street race and his mustang is still here in storage stateside. He seemed excited about it, but that's the only change in quite some time. Im so confused.

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#1822941 - 08/20/09 09:21 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: PainfulDusk]
Virtually_Handsome Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/06
Posts: 13424
Loc: AZ
At least while you try to figure out what's going on, don't contact him. It's pretty clear by now he isn't going to answer, right? And he knows how to find you when he does. Every message you send is pushing him further away.

My guess at this point is that he needs some time. Could be a million different reasons for that, trying to figure it out right now is pointless. There will be time later.
_________________________
Jeff
The poster formerly known as dry_heat

Me-49
D 11/30/09
S12,16,21,22
Current:Wandering Poster 56-Take a step that is new...
Where the Rockettes Play!

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#1822944 - 08/20/09 09:25 PM Re: Probably too late [Re: spellfire]
harpo Offline
Member

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 102
Loc: Pa.
I agree with spellfire,it took some big castonets to send a letter like that.not only that but how could you do that to someone you say you love.just doesn't makes sense.I must be hard on you.
you have to protect yourself though.work on you that is your number one priority.
_________________________
H 49
W 42
S 19
S 14
S 12
S 8
D 6
M 19
Bomb dropped 2/09
Separated 5/09
still hopeful, praying

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