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#1804383 - 07/19/09 09:55 PM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: Sara]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Thanks for the laugh Sara.

Well, if I tell him he can't work on his computer, I can't very well complain about him not giving me money.

But, I see that until all of our things are physically separated, there will be excuses.

In the narcissist paradigm, H is wounded because of my disapproval and seeks it desperately.

My part, I'm so wounded by my own childhood, I can't seem to close the door on a possible R...and saving the marriage. But, I realize that I need space and boundaries so desperately.

I am super pissed off right now. And he succeeds at making me question, Gee, what's my problem? Kids freaking out, no money, no job, and H constantly reaffirming that it was my fault...why am I not a shiny happy person around him?

Anyway, this is getting old.
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#1804429 - 07/19/09 11:40 PM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Oh and why do I listen, absorb, answer his nonsense????

That is the first order of business.
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#1804432 - 07/19/09 11:42 PM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
kara Offline
Member

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 842
Habit?
_________________________
Can't keep a good woman down

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#1804442 - 07/20/09 12:02 AM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: kara]
AlexEN Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/08
Posts: 792
Loc: IL
A&K,

Teflon.Try it just a little. Even if/when it's getting to you don't let any of 'em, especially the boys, see it.

Why can't you say no to coming by? Will he really hold out on the money if you do that? Are you sure?

AlexEN
_________________________
New: What a Weekend

H-48
WAW-49
M-22
S-14,9
D-11
EA disc.-11/07
PA disc.-3/08
EA2?-6/08 to ?

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#1804452 - 07/20/09 12:26 AM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: AlexEN]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
He has jobs that need to be done. I gave him a time that he was not happy with but I stuck with it. If the kids see him, it will be mayhem. They are almost normal right now.

So, at least I stuck with A boundary.
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#1804453 - 07/20/09 12:27 AM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: kara]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Originally Posted By: kara
Habit?


Yes. And, I am still invested in getting him to see the "truth" and understand why I don't respond to his glib affection...

Same as it ever was. So, yes, habit.
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#1804509 - 07/20/09 03:45 AM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Well, I think I may be working more this week...I can't say I'm crazy about the constraints of shuttling the kids around, racing to work, trying to get it all done...but, welcome to the real world, right?

And, my philosophy right now is DO more. So I am.
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#1804542 - 07/20/09 06:08 AM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Well, I was very pleasant with H tonight (anyone see the movie Sybil crazy) but when he suggested leaving his laundry...uh, no. And then he lingered around sifting through things to take, I told him now wasn't the best time for this and then as he persisted, I said "Ok, I think it is time for you to go now" and I went and opened the front door and led him out." All very civil but the feeling of having him casually plucking items just unnerved me so.

I did good.

He called me after to thank me for letting him work here. I thanked him for working. And that was that.

He called again but didn't answer, haven't checked the messages yet.

Tomorrows topic- Is WASness a form of temporary insanity? TBD.
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#1804561 - 07/20/09 09:23 AM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: aliveandkicking]
mindfull Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/08
Posts: 3975
AAK -

Just got caught up on you. Wow. You're dealing with a lot. I can't think right now, as I need to go back to sleep, but my thoughts are with you and the lil' guys!
_________________________
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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#1804777 - 07/20/09 04:38 PM Re: Dreams of a New Normal... [Re: mindfull]
aliveandkicking Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/09
Posts: 2917
Thanks MB...I appreciate the thoughts.
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