No, I'm not forgetting that. But if you're anything like me -- yes, even Smiley's Person Himself -- there's some rueful regretful wishful "if only" that's independent of the concern for the wee ones.
And I dunno about the junkie. You know, you listen to these old junkies talk and, with the possible exceptions of Hunter S. Thompson and William S. Burroughs, there wasn't much "fun." Think about the Dark Side -- when, o when, will Rock Star contact me again? Why hasn't s/he called? In a sense Monsoor is a like teenage girl -- his entire world is defined by the phone and the latest issue of Tiger Beat.
I always think about that funny scene in "Get Shorty," when Danny Devito shows up at The Ivy, orders the enormous omelette or something that's not even on the menu, and then splits before the food even arrives -- from the POV (now that I'm all Hollywood 'n' sh*t I can use that abbreviation) of someone desperately hanging-on, that can't be an easy way to live.
As I prepare to embark on our new life, school starts, huge decisions to make, H seems blissfully immersed in chasing around rock-star (and for mere pitons compared to what he used to make). He doesn't care. His travel is covered, he stays in nice places, fancy dinners with uber-important people...and why I am I talking about him?????
Because while away on my trip, I had many pangs of sadness, awareness that this little threesome (me and my kids) are my family and of course I had a blast and so did they but I wanted someone to share the moments with, for better or worse, I just did. And the kids missed their dad.
Looking at it realistically, I have done so much of this on my own for quite a while so the feeling was familiar. However, there was a time and were times we were so together and really loved when we went on vacations...I miss that.
I've been wanting to ask this for a while. Who has changed, evolved, etc. over the last many months as this has unfolded? You? Him? Both? How?
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
[...] there are two little peeps in the middle of this or I would be long and very completely gone.
Sometimes I wonder!? ....no harsh intended
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I've been wanting to ask this for a while. Who has changed, evolved, etc. over the last many months as this has unfolded? You? Him? Both? How?
Over the last months...I have lightened up, gotten out of his sh*t (don't ask, don't grill, don't share my feelings w/him for the most part), lightened up (not everything has to be organic), lost a bunch of weight and exercise, go out twice a week or more (barely got out before). I have a better sense of humor, am on my own and am much more creative.
H goes out almost every night (started pre-bomb), brags a lot (old behavior just amped up), seems to operate completely based on impulse (eg. he feels like calling so he does but there is no rationale), he has new friends that he considers family and he is very well taken care of...
On the positive side for H, when he is in town, he commits to see the kids at least twice a week and is reliable...for years I had asked him to cover me once a week so I could get out and take a class or something but he couldn't cuz super important somethings would come up...now he is doing it. Bittersweet.
[...] there are two little peeps in the middle of this or I would be long and very completely gone.
Sometimes I wonder!? ....no harsh intended
My ego alone would compel me to expel him from my life. I'm not saying it would be easy, I might even move away...but it would have to happen. I am this close now even with the kids. I deserve better than this and I know it.
No, I'm not forgetting that. But if you're anything like me -- yes, even Smiley's Person Himself -- there's some rueful regretful wishful "if only" that's independent of the concern for the wee ones.
And I dunno about the junkie. You know, you listen to these old junkies talk and, with the possible exceptions of Hunter S. Thompson and William S. Burroughs, there wasn't much "fun." Think about the Dark Side -- when, o when, will Rock Star contact me again? Why hasn't s/he called? In a sense Monsoor is a like teenage girl -- his entire world is defined by the phone and the latest issue of Tiger Beat.
I always think about that funny scene in "Get Shorty," when Danny Devito shows up at The Ivy, orders the enormous omelette or something that's not even on the menu, and then splits before the food even arrives -- from the POV (now that I'm all Hollywood 'n' sh*t I can use that abbreviation) of someone desperately hanging-on, that can't be an easy way to live.
Yes, yes and yes. The first bold- Yes, we have being human and bombed upon for starters. Regrets...that is evolving into understanding. As life becomes more fulfilling, regrets are revealed to be what they are, a big fat waste of time and predicated on lies and distortions. It can only be what it was because that's what it was...no I'm not tripping.
Which leads to- yes, I have a dear friend who was a junkie...not fun. But, what I observe is that H's distractibility sure seems like an asset at times. I am not saying he is fulfilled or happy...no one would be as overt and self-obsessed as he is if they were doing just great. But, I will handle the tough stuff, and IF he ever has an epiphany as to what he has done here, he will say his mea culpa and he will be forgiven because that is who I am and that is who I assume my children will be...you see this all the time...heartwarming late in the game daddy and grown children reconnecting and it is glorious...barf. But, for my kids, I would want that for them...to not live with hostility and resentment, I want it for myself too.
I could have written the last paragraph, including the barf part. I'm not so sure things would go that easy with my S, however, he would just as soon never deal with his dad again.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Yes, at 19, they're pissed, at 6 and 9, they're pining.
I don't know what the answer is. I don't want to disparage their dad but I want my kids to know better...tough stuff.
My parents began having problems and divorced early. It started before I was six. Though I was somewhat sheltered from it at the time, as I look back I know exactly which parent took the high road and which was not there when they should have been.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Ya, I have some faith in that but it is tough to shake these issues as you know. My H was very empathetic and defensive of his mom for many years, it is what made me trusting that the apple had fallen far and now, here he is, in a way bonding with his dad and feeling manly because he finally "understands" him. It is repugnant to witness.
