He is trying to get you to react to justify his sh!tty behavior.
DON'T.
And don't contact the OW or even talk about her. She is of NO importance. These A's thrive on drama. Do not give it to them. It only bonds them closer and you become the common enemy.
I see a counselor on tues. Im glad but then again , I m a little nervous. I dont know why, I just am.
As far as his girlfirend, /sigh. I'm not sure. If he lied to her and didn't tell her about me at all. I feel like my hands are tied and there's nothing I can do. My husband is very....loving and prone to pour everything into a relationship. SO much so that he almost scared me off at first. I do it as well, which is probably why Im so hurt right now, but I take my time before doing so. I know my husband. As long as she is content he will be too. Well, he used to be that way. How can you be "VERY happy" then suddenly you want someone else? I tell every guy that approaches me in any flirtatious manner that Im married happily. SO he didn't? What went so wrong that he decided to do this? I have been trying to go over everything about the past 10 months he's been gone and we had good communication, talked things out when we got angry, did the best I could given the distance. So where did i go wrong? I couldnt go over there with him and I know he was upset about that but it wasnt and still isnt in my control. I need my dr's and hospital here. The trip would be so hard on me, and Im fragile enough as it is. I cant risk my health to be over there with him, and he KNEW this!So is that the reason? Because Im too weak to travel he just decided to get with someone else? and send that horrible letter and lie and cheat and....god. Ive always been honest with him. Always, I had nothing to hide and no reason to lie to my husband. Ok once I told him I was going to have coffee with friends and went to a movie instead, but that was just because he didnt want me having nightmares and I really wanted to see the movie. and yes, i had nightmares and he scolded me for a good 20 min.
I dont believe I married the wrong person. I love him, Im mad at him and hurt and disgusted, but deep down, I still love him. I know thats crazy with what he is doing. Im so confused and lost. and feel so helpless.
Thought I would check in. I havent been on in a while, I had some complications and had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. I'm feeling a lot stronger now and got some rest.
I did go see a counselor on tues. It went ok i guess. I really didnt feel like talking much when i went in , but mostly because I wasnt feeling well. I went to my dr right after that and he admitted me. \ No word from my wayward husband. He is talking to a friend of ours and mentioned me but I dont know what he said. I didnt ask. I'm feeling so....disconnected from him and the situation right now. Being back in the hospital really put things in focus for me , ( for the moment anyway) I just really need to get myself better and do what I need to so i can get healthy again. I cant make him love me, or miss me , or even talk to me, so im not wasting the energy on it.
The gf he has still bugs me a little, but not as much. Well, ok, sometimes it still bothers me as much, but i dont dwell on it now. I have good friends around me and do what I can to stay busy.
I hope all of you had a good labor day weekend and have a great weekend now. Hugs to all.
Having a rough morning. A friend of ours has been talking to my husband and when I logged into my profile and saw her it showed him back on it. No word from him of course. I know she isnt choosing sides, but it kinda hurt for some reason. I was VERY tempted to say something but I didnt. He HAS been talking about me, but I dont know if she brought me up or he did. I dont know if thats a good sign or a bad sign. Im just hurting from it this morning. He never did contact me like he said he would. Yet another lie? Yea I cried about it. Nothing I can do. Sometimes I feel i wont ever hear from him again. Sometimes I dont care. Is this rollercoaster ever going to stop? I would be happy if it slowed down a little more. And he stopped checking my profile , i guess around the time he re-added our friend onto his profile. Guess that could mean a couple of things, but I tend to think he really is done and Im not sure what direction I should take. Do I stay dark? For how long? Forever? There doesnt seem to be any "set' time for this, and I hate not talking to him. Most days anyway. He put new pics of him and his gf on his profile. I didnt see them, I cant look, but another friend of ours mentioned them. I just wanted to break something. He is so happy with her apparently and doesnt want anyone getting between them. He could let someone come between us tho? Im not so sure. I think he pursued her not the other way around. Which makes it even worse. I would love to blame her, but, I cant, esp if she didnt know. Doesnt mean I want to be friends with her. I want to rip her apart and tell her to get away from my husband.
I have a bbq this afternoon with some friends of mine. Im looking forward to that. Im making potato salad right now and brownies. Cant show up empty handed!
UPside is divorce hasnt been mentioned yet. I was wondering if he could divorce me over there? I know you can get married out of the country can you divorce too? What do I do if he can? I cant go there and fight it!
Hi everyone. Just got back from the bbq. Had a WONDERFUL time. Took my guitar and we played some music and ate. Had a water balloon fight. Caught up with some friends. All in all, was a great afternoon.
H came up once in conversation, a mutual friend spoke to him a cuople of days ago and he is apparently VERY angry with me, but didnt say why. My firned said he was lashing out and not to sink to his level. So I wont. Then we changed the subject.
And had brownies ^^.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Im going take a hot bath and watch cheesy movies tonight.
Thanks for your comment on my link. I stopped in to read yours since you were kind enough to take some time out for me.
Sorry to hear about your sitch. What your H is doing sounds very immature and irresponsible (which is the case for so many of us on this board). The very best think you can do for yourself is to give yourself all the rest and care that you need to get well. Health should always be number 1, but depending on what happens down the road, your health is so much more important. I think many of us in these sitches have a tendency at first to let ourselves go because we somehow feel responsible for what our H have done, but it IS NOT your fault. Take one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be.
(((Hugs)))
BIM M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11
my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127
Update...did I blow it? probably but enough is enough.
I got online after a hot bubble bath because i couldnt find a movie i could sit still thru. I chatted with a couple of friends for a bit. yes my H came up but nothing really bad or serious, just mentioned. Well I am also a gamer, and an MMORPG game i used to play with my H came up in conversation. So I decided to reactivate my acct and log into the game.
FLASHBACK: several times since i quit the game for health reasons in april, i have mentioned wanting to try playing again, my H always talked me out of it saying i didnt need the stress. Last time was end of june.
FASTFORWARD TO TODAY: I log into the game and my private messages go thru the roof, so many i cant keep up, telling me how sorry they are. Well my first reaction was..how did you know? I havent been on in months. So I start talking to my friends in game and tell them briefly what is going on. Still confused mind you on how they even knew anything. SO I log out for a bit and go to a chat program to talk to one of my very close friends from game who is also a therapist. She tells me the same thing you guys do, leave him alone. No problem. I log back into game. the a get another PM asking me if my H is on yet?...huh? he doesnt play. Well yes he does, and he changed his character name as well. he did WHAT??? ok , so now more friends are sendiung msgs. and they are definitely taking sides. Ok, well most of them are my age and that happens. So i start to play the game, then i realize many of my in-game assets are missing off my acct. So i call someone else who used to play and ask about my H acct. She has no idea, she will ask him. No problem. Well , then i find out that he changed the name long before he said his affair started. Hmmm really now. and why talk me out of playing the game. Well after a while of listening to all this and reading emails from various ppl over the months I decide to log back out. Enough is enough right? Wrong, its just starting. he went NUCLEAR becaue i 1:started the game back up and 2: didnt cover for him. o NOW he has me blocked again, has all our mutual friends blocked again. And i snapped. i sent him a txt saying that I was in game and seems our stories arent matching up, you play your game and i'll play mine. That prompts him to start deleting ppl off his profile. Well , one of our friends calls me crying because he was blaming HER for me finding out he played the game still. Oh no. We're not doing this. So i sent another txt tellig him to grow the (bad word) up and that she had NOTHING to do with it, and he can block me all he wants because he cant face me anyway and good luck. Then i told him who did tell me everything, yea let him think about that for a bit. >< Because he has NO CONTACT with the person that told me! NONE.
So did I handle this badly, yea probably. Do i care. No not really. this was really stupid. He gets mad because I start a game back up and expose him. Well < im not the least sorry for it. i didnt make this mess and Im not cleaning it up either. Im pretty sure he will go dark and thats fine because I have heard so many lies he told today im sick over it. I dont want to talk to him until he can man up a little. not much, just a little at first. if it takes him 6 months, so be it. Im not calling him. This drama today was so unnecessary. Over a GAME? Since when am I not allowed to play a game?
Anyway, i backslid much farther this time Im afraid. Probably take 4 times as long to come back from it, as far as communication goes. But he needs to know that I will NOT cover for him , and I will do what I want with my life whether he is in it or not.
Am I angry? Damn right I am. This was so stupid. Do I know if he will continue to play? I dont know. I didnt start it back up knowing he was playing. He was supposed to have quit when I did, but instead he changed his name? mhmm So for now, Im going to take care of myself, have fun, when I have the energy and live my life. if he contacts me, i'll consider answering. if he doesnt.....well I havent gotten that far yet. We'll cross that bridge later.
thanks for listening to me vent, feel free to tell me how i SHOULD have handled this. Going dark is my only option right now, Im too disgusted to talk to him.
Do I want a divorce...no...I want him to grow up! Being truthful would be a fantastic and new thing for him. What a way to end the day huh? its almost 4 am here, i was so angry i was crying and shaking. I decided to journal/update so i can get some rest.
Dusk
Edit: Thinking about it all, i was thinking , should I have sent the txts. Well, in my opinion, yes . Because it wasnt the txts that made him angry, it was me reactivating my game and telling ppl what really is going on. Does his gf play or someone else? No idea, nobody would dare tell me anyway, I might declare a war on them and kill them everytime they tried to play. its a game. Now what I really want to do is to send him a msgs telling him what a lying jerk he is, but you know what? As MUCH as he has lied to me...i know he;s lying to her as well. And eventually, it will come out. Im sure he;s worried his gf will find out fomr me or one of my friends, Well Im not talking to her, let her find out on her own.
Ok I know this is long, sry guys, and I dont think i used paragraphs. Well, i made an attempt at them.
I called my MIL and spoke to her about an hour. SHe is not in agreement with her son's actions of course, but he is still her son. She is also not in agreement with my actions, aka my backslides and told me they are upsetting my H and he doesnt want things to be this way but can't figure out how to fix it. I let her know what I did last night, and she was understanding and said it was expected for what not only I but me and my H are going thru. She wants him to work things out with me, but thinks he isnt ready to face it. We had a nice talk. I feel much better after talking to her, she said he still cared for me and was just scared to talk to me right now. She thanked me for calling and I thanked her for listening and ended the call. I do fell MUCH better. She isnt sure how or when my H will talk to me, and agreed that I am only half of this. She doesnt want to interfere too much but does want to let him know we spoke. I told her that was fine.
I am going to brunch now ^^ have a good day everyone.
I had a wonderful brunch today with a couple of friends. We talked about nothing important and it was very nice. We made plans for tomorrow to have lunch .
Then I was on my way here.....yes, it's official, he apparently hates my guts and never wants to speak to me again. Now. Im fairly certain he hasnt talked to his mom yet, and is still angry about what happened last night. This is fine. He can be angry. I was pretty angry myself. So for now, I'm not talking to him, and if he does decide to contact me then I will consider answering depending on what he has to say.
For the rest of the day, Im going to be lazy and watch movies, maybe go for a walk. I'm pretty sure I deserve it.
