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#1833490 - 09/07/09 03:40 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: mountain_west]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
I had a dream this AM.

I had awakened and was feeling generally discontented. I even prayed, maybe I should say complained, a bit. I then fell back asleep and had a brief dream.

In the dream X had come to my place to pick up the kids (she gets them back for the week today). My son walked up to me and said, "Dad, mom wants some too." He held out a medium sized plate that was empty. I recognized the pattern, a set we used before we split that I took and have since discarded. There were three lines on the plate; orange, brown and green (I think).

Upon waking I immediately know what she "wants". She wants a family. She has never had one her entire life exept for the time we were married. The kids and I still have a rich family life when we are together and we can just "be" a family. X comments often how she misses the kids when I have them. I know this on a conscious level and also the sub-conscious as I can still read X's feelings, especially where our children are involved. I looked up "empty plate" in dream symbology and it can represent emotional emptyness, doh!

The three lines on the plate were a little more difficult to interpret but I finally got it. Two were parallel (green and brown) and one (orange) intersected the other two at a low angle. It obvious which represented X, me, and the OMH respectively. I believe it's also an indication that her emotional hunger is not just related to the children.

But what about Sleeper?

I've had a great Labor Day weekend with my kids. We cooked out, boated, fished (caught some) saw an otter and picked berries.

My short term goal is to get a better handle on my finances and stop letting them handle me. I am seriously considering filing bankruptcy as I have come out of the D much worse than I anticipated with quite a bit of debt at crushing interest rates. I'm not considering this lightly as I have been trying to work through this financial situation for 7 months.

Freedom really is "just another word for nothing left to lose."


Edited by sleeper (09/07/09 03:43 PM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1835276 - 09/10/09 01:59 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
forward Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/06
Posts: 4046
Sleeper, if possible do some nice things for yourself. Little things, even.

I am sorry about the financial situation; it must be very stressful.
_________________________
M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
X has major medical issues
New Woman - died.
Remarried to new guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D


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#1836070 - 09/11/09 11:34 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: forward]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
I went to therapy the other day. The therapist knows our history all to well as he has known x for about 15 years and works with myself and X separately. (I didn't realize she had resumed therapy with him. He said there is a song that describes us too perfectly:

"Send in the Clowns"

Isn't it rich?
Aren't we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air..
Where are the clowns?
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1836362 - 09/11/09 06:48 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
Andabelle Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 1064
Hey, you're not a clown!

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#1836385 - 09/11/09 07:22 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: Andabelle]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
I'm not a clown, but he's right, this song is us.

Isn't it rich?
Aren't we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in the mid-air...
Where are the clowns?

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move...
Where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors
Finally knowing the one I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines...
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought you'd want what I want...
Sorry, my dear!
But where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career.
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns...
Well, maybe next year.


Edited by sleeper (09/11/09 07:23 PM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1836394 - 09/11/09 07:31 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Therapist told me that according to X there was a time about 5 months into our separation that she was open to reconcilliation. Problem was she never told me. I remember there was intermitent spew during this time. I was hurt as I had just had OM rubbed into my face for a few months. I'm human.

I refused to go on vacation with her and kids exactly 5 months after we separated. This infuriated her as I told he I would go and backed out just a couple of days before we were to leave. She filed for D immediately up their return.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1836474 - 09/11/09 09:41 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
Kettricken Offline
Member

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 884
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Are you each, independently, in individual therapy with this same person?
_________________________
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes.
Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert

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#1836512 - 09/11/09 11:12 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: Kettricken]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Yeah. As crazy as our sitch has been how could it be any other way? We both resumed therapy with him in the Spring. Had one joint session (kinda like conflict resolution) and both of us have independently decided to continue individually.

Her timing intrigues me. Why begin therapy just after she accepts his proposal and prepares for marriage with OM.

OM doesn't attend counseling with her as C has mentioned she has not introduced OM to him to this day even though they have known each other for many years, consider each other friends and X invited C and his wife to the wedding (C and his wife did not go). C finds that very odd.

From a layman's point of view if a C with his expierence finds something odd it must be odd indeed.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

Top
#1836528 - 09/11/09 11:55 PM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: sleeper]
Kettricken Offline
Member

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 884
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Originally Posted By: sleeper
Therapist told me that according to X there was a time about 5 months into our separation that she was open to reconcilliation. Problem was she never told me.


Professional-ethics-speaking, just wow.
_________________________
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes.
Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert

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#1836536 - 09/12/09 01:01 AM Re: New Boundaries for the Bride [Re: Kettricken]
forward Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/06
Posts: 4046
Yeah, that seems a breach of confidence there....
_________________________
M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
X has major medical issues
New Woman - died.
Remarried to new guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D


Top
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