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#1829089 - 08/31/09 12:42 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mlj]
peacetoday Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2588
Mountain
Good for you
we need hobbies and sounds like the bike will supply some fun much needed right now
probably a good choice

MY xh had a bike too
hardly rode it
he had to recently sell it to pay his L

oh well- enjoy your new bike
you are doing great
peace
_________________________
married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow

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#1829099 - 08/31/09 01:02 PM Re: So now what? [Re: peacetoday]
mountain_west Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 248
Loc: CO
Thanks, peace.
I don't feel like I'm doing great with all of this.

I had this realization this realization last night, that all the things I do that make me happy, I do alone. I have friends here in my new city but most of the things I do for me, involve only me. I'm not sure why that is, exactly. I am introverted by nature, so I like and need the alone time, but all alone can't be good.

Friday my boss and I had a meeting with a vendor. Two women did this presentation for us and it was like something in me unleashed. The old MW came out ... all funny, chatty and just a little flirty. I was quite the hit. I'm working on getting out more. Out, in a social way. Just thinking.
_________________________




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#1829108 - 08/31/09 01:22 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
Golfgirl1 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 799
Loc: CO
Gotta learn to play golf!!! Great courses in this city...
_________________________
Me 53
H 47
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B

Top
#1829306 - 08/31/09 05:37 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
Jimbo Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/08
Posts: 598
Loc: Northern VA
Originally Posted By: mountain_west
I had this realization this realization last night, that all the things I do that make me happy, I do alone. I have friends here in my new city but most of the things I do for me, involve only me. I'm not sure why that is, exactly. I am introverted by nature, so I like and need the alone time, but all alone can't be good.


Hey, dude! I finally found your thread. crazy

Just like everything else in all of this (even in life!), it's that all-important BALANCE.

Yes, you are right- all alone can't be good. But all "together" can't be good either, yes?

When I first began to get a grip on all of this, I spent a LOT of time with family and friends. I finally figured out that, while I did kind of feel better, there was something.....missing.

For me, that something missing was the "down time". It turns out that I was so busy with spending time with friends, that I was not giving myself the alone time I needed to process the grief I was feeling.

In effect, I was avoiding my issues by trying to cover up what was wrong with "good times"........

...just like my W.

I started to spend a lot more time alone...and I started to heal that "missing" part. I watched myself like a hawk, and eventually, the fear that I initially had about possibly slipping into a hermit-like depression slowly faded. Now, I feel I have a good balance between "face time" and "me time". But I had to learn to find that delicate equilibrium.

Don't overly concern yourself with "shoulds"- "I should get out more", "I should spend time with such-and-such", "I should go out and do X". Take the type of time that you need for your processing- whatever that may be. You'll know how much you need when you get there.
_________________________

PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact change.
-Jimbo

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#1829414 - 08/31/09 08:01 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
fisherman Offline
Member

Registered: 10/12/08
Posts: 4034
Originally Posted By: mountain_west
Two women did this presentation for us and it was like something in me unleashed. The old MW came out ... all funny, chatty and just a little flirty. I was quite the hit. I'm working on getting out more. Out, in a social way. Just thinking.


I like the sound of this. Unleash that stuff more often. By no means am I suggesting you go hop in the sack with someone. (which btw I know you wouldn't do) Having fun and being sociable are positive things that get lost in this mess all too often.

Unleash more.
_________________________
Don't stand still.

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#1829758 - 09/01/09 05:00 AM Re: So now what? [Re: fisherman]
mountain_west Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 248
Loc: CO
Golfgirl-I golf, if you can call it that. grin

Trapt-I'm trying to unleash that part of me again. It was pretty hard to to with my W when all she was telling me was how unattracted to me she was.

Jimbo-Nice to hear from you! How are ya doin?

Ok ... today I get the only contact from my W I've had in weeks. It's an email about a random assortment of bills. For example, I paid off a joint card. She comes back and tells me there is $20 left on the acct and do I plan on paying it? I'm annoyed, especially after I've been unbelievably considerate paying off a bunch of bills. Really? We're going to quibble about $20 after I just paid thousands of dollars to pay off the acct in the first place? She still hasn't paid me fore the car insurance from May. I'm annoyed that it really has come down to this. All along I haven't said one word about the money, I've just paid the bills and kept quiet figuring that as long as we were still married I would do the stand up thing and honor my commitments.

Another example. The elec. bill was in her name. I paid it while I lived on my own and she moved out. It's in HER name, yet she's asking me to cancel the account. I'm not reading anything in to this. I'm not looking for a way to get back at her or anything, but it's her account. I don't live there anymore. Why can't she just cancel it? Is that petty to ask her to do it?

Something about this doesn't sit well with me, so I'm not going to respond right away. Anyone want to chime in here? Grrrr. mad
_________________________




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#1829858 - 09/01/09 01:12 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
peacetoday Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2588
MW
I would try to seperate what is hers now
and what is yours
let her pay her own bills
get it all written up in the agreement exactly what your responsibility financially is toward her
if unsure check with your L
At this point while D is looming it is a business deal
not a M
If we allow them top emotionally hook us, we will want to give them more tham is fair

In my situation, MY xh was running the business in the ground spending it all
I had to take legal action to stop him
i have kids to tyhink of
I did stop him
I saved the business
it did bring conflict to us
but the conflict would have been anyway b/c he is an a$$
so think about YOU
what you need
what you want
financially what you can give or not
and set boundries
peace
just my thoughts
peace
_________________________
married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow

Top
#1829872 - 09/01/09 01:37 PM Re: So now what? [Re: peacetoday]
Golfgirl1 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 799
Loc: CO
My h called me when he moved out and wanted ALL of the bills for this house put into my name...my lawyer said NO way, so I didn't. He called the water company and got his name off of it and my girlfriend called them and made them put his name BACK on it. When I asked h about the water bill he said, "well, my name was never on that bill." WHAT??? That's why I'm going to court in a month or so...financial protection! And, you ARE doing the stand up thing and honoring your commitments. It's these MLCers who don't get "COMMITMENT." Hang in there..
_________________________
Me 53
H 47
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B

Top
#1829919 - 09/01/09 02:40 PM Re: So now what? [Re: Golfgirl1]
mountain_west Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 248
Loc: CO
I appreciate the concern for my well-being. I'm in a far better financial position than she is right now, which irritates her I am sure. There's no chance that she can hurt me in any way in our current situation. We have no lawyers. It's all about tying up loose ends. We're not even talking a lot of money here, maybe $50 total. That's the part that confuses me. When she left she couldn't get out fast enough. She took some clothes and the dogs and that was it. **Poof** Gone. She has a job. She can just as easily cancel the accounts that are in her name. Am I missing something?
_________________________




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#1829938 - 09/01/09 03:10 PM Re: So now what? [Re: mountain_west]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3768
Originally Posted By: mountain_west
Am I missing something?


Uhmm.....that she is F-ing Looney?

Nope, got that covered.....

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