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Originally Posted By: NoCodeBlues

I finally sent an email letter stating my protest of her poor decisions and actions in this -- for whatever that's worth. And I copied my L.
If she keeps that up, I know that's a factor in granting custody. I was told if I did stuff like that, keeping info from X, that would be a factory in custody. If she keeps that up, I would discuss with your lawyer about possibly changing custody to you being primary. Keep a chart or something on this kind of stuff. Plus, it's just poor parenting; kids need both their parents!!! mad mad

When they get older, one good thing is both my kids' schools have email lists that you sign up for and they email you with dates like that. Also, do they have a website--the preschool? If not, maybe you could suggest it so they can post important dates on their website? I'm sure you're not the only parent that's happened to...unfortunately.


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D18, S24
karen43 #1833326 09/07/09 02:36 AM
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Quote:
If she keeps that up


Hi, Karen,

If xW were to keep this up, yes, I would have to rethink everything. I really don't want to think about trying to do the same thing she did to us -- which is to try to take our kids away from the other parent. I really don't want to do anything that would hurt my boys, of course -- then again, I have to weigh that against her actions, and if they should ever prove to be the greater harm, then I will need to begin thinking of the unthinkable.

Sadly, I can no longer rule out any sort of behavior as beyond my xW's ability to undertake. But until she does actually start moving in a given direction I'd rather just not go there. (If that makes any sense, what I just said.)

<journaling>
So far, this has been a quite enjoyable weekend for me and my two S's. We spent a little time at the pool yesterday (even though the water is already getting too darn cold -- where the blazes did our Summer heat go? It just seemed to shut off entirely this week.)

Today, after Church the boys insisted they didn't want to go out and swim or hike like I had planned. Instead, they just wanted to veg' out and stay indoors. I had our swimsuits and towels all gathered, but they both planted themselves in my living room and held out the Star Wars DVD's to me. I pointed out to the beautiful weather we've been having, but my little Jedi fans were stubborn. I gave in.

In retrospect, I guess we needed a little down-time. We got to enjoy the time together, father and sons. And even though I've seen these movies dozens of times (to the point I found myself starting to doze off a couple of times) I got to experience some of the more exciting points again with their fresh eyes. I know they've both seen all of these movies before too, but somehow it seemed new to them all the same, and their excitement was infectious.

I love my little Star Wars fans. My little Padawan learners. They're both often a huge handful, but at times like these, such a huge joy.

So we had our little vegitative down-time today, a day of rest. And it was good.



Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Originally Posted By: NoCodeBlues
Quote:
If she keeps that up


I really don't want to think about trying to do the same thing she did to us -- which is to try to take our kids away from the other parent. I really don't want to do anything that would hurt my boys, of course -- then again, I have to weigh that against her actions, and if they should ever prove to be the greater harm, then I will need to begin thinking of the unthinkable.


I would never suggest you try to cut your X out of the boys' lives. I just meant, I'm kind of the primary parent in my children's lives, and I think I should stay that way. I am always letting X see the kids whenever he wants and I email him re: all activities/things going on in the kids' lives. I don't believe my X would do the same; not maybe out of maliciousness, but more that he just doesn't think about it. I think in your X 's case it sounds like she planned that, which to me is really bad. If you're the primary parent, you could request the teachers copy you on everything too. I was thinking of that more as a way that you keep informed in the loop and not cut out yourself, not that you would do that to your X. B/c it is bad for the kids when either parent is cut out like that I think.

Sounds like fun with your boys!!! Sometimes veg out days are so good!!!


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karen43 #1833539 09/07/09 06:18 PM
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hey NC, sorry to hear she is being such an @rse. I personally talked to my d6's teacher and made sure I too get any info pertaining school work/activities . Guess you'll just have to make sure the teachers know to let you know of anything pertaining the boys since xw is acting her show size.

Ahhh, star wars, my son is an avid fan as well, we used to watch episode I over and over when he was 5, lol, now he's onto Lego SW, oy! his collection is growing and growing smile

Prayers your way)))))


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
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survivor of S, MLC, A, D
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karen43 #1834581 09/09/09 05:09 AM
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Quote:
I would never suggest you try to cut your X out of the boys' lives.


Why not? It's what I'm thinking about? LOL. smirk

Yes, the boys and I had a pretty good weekend.

The only fly in the ointment is xW. She and I have again been trading barbs via email over her shenanigans with the preschool and OM. She is insisting I am insane and that she notified me back in February of all pertinent information. It's all B-S, as even my L asked for the information and did not get anything but verbal estimates and no documentation.

I am struggling hard with forgiveness right now. I just don't seem to ever be able to turn the corner on how much xW's betrayal has hurt me -- everything she does today just keeps the wounds still open and fresh. Our bible study group is beginning a new series on Betrayal and Forgiveness this week -- I am feeling I really need to hear it.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
cat03 #1834584 09/09/09 05:11 AM
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Thanks, Cat.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Hey NCB,

I hear ya. XW and I registered the kids for school back in July and when I was there I gave the school and district office all my contact info as I am to be notified of everything. Apparently I'll have to get tougher with them as I have not received anything to date and XW will not confirm when and what time orientation is. Heck, it's already a week into school and she has yet to provide with who their teachers are, what room number, etc...

It would certantly be adventagous to my sitch if XW had e-mail. We always were able to communicate our differences in writting and quickly resolve them.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
dday101798 #1834723 09/09/09 01:54 PM
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There is certainly an advantage in having an email trail to refer back to -- it cuts down on the he-said-she-said. However even when you have documentation to back you up, the WAS will still find someway to try to deny their culpability or the words they've used. It can be maddening -- I guess that's why they say don't argue with crazy people.

I had another email exchange with xW again last night and this morning. She insists she's always on the up-and-up regarding communicating with me on our kids. She claims my complaints are just personal attacks driven by hatred and bitterness against her and the OM. She said that OM is a part of "their" lives (meaning her and the boys) and I need to just accept that. At the same time we're also quibbling over the childcare costs and figures she sent summary information for last night -- but I still want documentation and not her here-say.

I have been trying to convey to her that she is risking the emotional (if not physical) security of our S's by introducing OM into their lives. She just won't see the potential damage she can inflict on them by forcing this stranger on them as a de facto father-figure. Even if he happens to not be some child-abuser (and I have no assurances he isn't -- his MO is to involve himself in the lives of other people's children; this just creeps me out) the emotional turmoil could be great, if this person should suddenly go away after a falling out.

What is xW's response? She says, "Hm. You sound like you'd rather OM become the boys step-father sooner rather than later."

I responded to her bey saying that if her foolishness only affected herself alone, she could go right ahead. She just doesn't realize that I am no longer concerned with what she does anymore -- only where her actions and behaviors affect S8 and S4 would I bother to involve myself.

It would have been so much easier if we did not have kids between us -- I could have cut her out of my life forever, be done with her once and for all.




Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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heh, on second thought, maybe it is a good thing we can't e-mail. crazy


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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Originally Posted By: NoCodeBlues


It would have been so much easier if we did not have kids between us -- I could have cut her out of my life forever, be done with her once and for all.


I think that often, too. Feel guilty for that, but I guess can't help it; life would be easier. I guess just try to deal with kids issues and not get sidetrack on OP conversations or anything not related. Yeah, do as I say, not as I do.

I do think things will get better. Maybe some of our X's anger will lessen as time goes on--we can hope right???


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