Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 18 of 53 1 2 16 17 18 19 20 52 53
dday101798 #1801570 07/15/09 04:13 PM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
Thanks, DDay. I have tried to catch up on your own, similar sitch. These WAW's can really be maddening and scary, huh?

I have already curtailed any questionable content that my S's take under my care. xW is definitely still trying to dig up dirt against me -- anything and everything she can find.

I talked to S8 and got some clarification as to what xW might be thinking. I have allowed my S's to watch some shows on Hulu that I have closely monitored, but xW thinks these are from the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming. I am getting more and more upset that xW thinks nothing about grilling our S's about everything they do under my care, but if I ever ask them about what they do when they're with xW, -- however innocent my questions might be -- she interprets that as "interrogation" and prying into her business.

I am gathering that xW is really not interested in settling the legal dispute between us. She still is acting just as hostile as she ever has.

The latest tiff has to do with a Cub Scout event with S8's pack Friday night this week. xW has nagged me about whether S8 had any den meetings or other activities during this summer hiatus -- I told xW that I would inform her of any events when they came up. Fast forward to this past Monday, our pack sent out notices that we were going to meet for a night of bowling on Friday -- unfortunately, this coincides with the start of xW's custody week. I know all the folks in the pack, so I went ahead and RSVP'ed since I intended to visit with them even if xW decided that S8 could not go with me.

I relayed the event notice to xW and asked her, out of courtesy, whether I could go ahead and let S8 know about the event and to make sure she had no other plans for him that night.

Well, xW replied that she would take S8 herself, along with S4.

I hadn't expect that; except for a couple of other rare events, xW has shied away from any public event where I can be found. So I told xW I would see them all there then.

xW blew a gasket and said I was not allowed to show up where she's at, that I was not to interfere with her time with our S's, and again began to say she felt threatened by my presence ever since I started telling "lies" about her to everyone (apparently she's going to deny and deny and deny -- even if she were caught on video in full coitus with OM she'd still deny it.)

I basically told xW that she needs to grow up.

I see this as yet another activity that I share with one or both of my S's that xW wants to horn in on. Camping, canoeing, fishing, kayaking, swimming, and now scouting. In turn, she thinks I am trying to take away an extra evening from her during her week (funny, she tolerated the Monday Night den meetings I took S8 to even during her weeks.)

Frankly, I will not be intimidated by her into not participating in an event with people I know and am friends with. If she wants to thus deny S8 the opportunity to also participate in this activity, then she is harming him. Part of me wonders if I should give in for S8's sake, but then where would that appeasement ever stop? xW would not be satisfied until my very existence is wiped from the entire space-time continuum. No, I am drawing the line.

xW has claimed that she gets "nauseated" whenever she is around me now. Well, she'd better get used to it. I'm going to this event on Friday -- and if she doesn't like it, then tough! She needs to get over herself already.



Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
hmmmm,

I guess that's where our similarities part way. After visitation and custody was established even in temporary sense, my XW atleast was cordial enough to allow some wiggle room on ocnflicting schedules. Of course at first, I didn't bite, but after a while a reassurances from my L that such wiggle room is allowable so long as both parents agree, I have.

We haven't had many situations that involved which one of us should go to a event if it were impossible for both of us to go. About the only one sticking out is a birthday party for a mutual friends child that after some clarification, XW wasn't even invited to in the first place.

Other than that, I hosted a birthday party at our house for a mutual friend and XW showed up. It was ackward for the most part, but on eof those more 'positive' event leading up to the D.

Both events are journalized here somewhere.

Ahhh, the old, "I get so nauziated when I'm around you" bit. And I always asked, why is that. "You make my ulcer act up". Heh, ok, if life's so much better without me and having to deal with the promisses made in life, why have an ulcer?


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
dday101798 #1801766 07/15/09 08:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,866
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,866
Someone needs to tell this woman "ITS NOT AbouT HER AND HOW SHE FEELS" My Goodness!!! What is her problem... This is about your son, how self centered can someone be, does she think that you are doing this purposely to annoy her...

Come on, that's over and done with, you are divorced, she needs to get over herself and suck it up.

She is in complete denial.. like ive never seen before.

Again, I do think you should stop and say to yourself thank the lord that you are still not with the woman and what she has become.

Im so sorry that she is driving you nuts, that part should have been over with when you got divorced.

(((((nc)))))


me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 547
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 547
NCB,

Haven't been on these boards in a long time. I had sometime to kill tonight and thought I would check in on some old friends. I'm sorry your w is now your xW and she couldn't see the painful path that she has chosen. I won't go into my whole sitch but one thing that I can tell you after being D for 18 months is to only worry about the things that you can control. If she wants to complain to you about how you handle your boys.... ignore it. If she wants to interogate your boys after you have them let her. Don't let her selfishness change the way you live your life and take care of your boys. She cheated, she left, she is nolonger your problem. Yes, she will have an influence on your boys, but, that brings me back to my orginal point... Worry about what you can control. Your boys will see the way your living your life and will follow your example. If your xW is as crazy as she sounds they will see the difference and will again be drawn to your example. Hopefully overtime the non-sense will stop (never really does though...)and she too can once again be a positive influence to your boys.

Again, I haven't been on the boards in a long while, so if I miss reading your last couple of post forgive me.

Take Care,
Scott

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
Scott, man,

I really, really appreciate you taking time and stopping by to check in on me. I hope that you and your DD's are getting along very well -- you deserve every bit of joy they bring to you. And I am hopeful your life is indeed moving forward again in a positive direction after all that your xW put you through.

You're absolutely right -- we need to focus on those things we can control, and give the things we can't over to God. If it were just myself, I know for a certainty that I would have already moved on and left my xW in the past. But because of my children, I find daily there are new ways that my patience is tested -- not because of the children themselves but because of their mindlessly hate-filled and self-centered mother.

I am working very hard to make sure her constant selfishness does not bring me down. I can't stand what this is doing to my S's. I still worry about the long term effects this psychological warfare is having on them. It upsets me and I know I must keep that in check, for their sake. I ask God to relieve me of this recurring pain their mother brings on me, but I must be content with His grace alone, it would seem.

On the bright side, I think I am slowly getting better at handling this. And I know these trials have tempered me far more than I would have been otherwise. I have had to learn more patience than I ever thought possible (and I was a pretty darn patient person before all this.) I have been enduring stress levels that would have killed me in years prior. I am getting there, and I have hope.

Thanks again, Scott. And please don't be a stranger. Visit any time you like.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
what a screwball nc, yikes! shorten shorten shorten your convos with her, dont' allow her the minutes in which she'll spew her venom, if she starts with her junk just tell her that;s all yo have to say and to have a nice day BYE. I have almost perfected teh art of being totally detached when I have to talk to x, no details no unnecesary info of any kind, to the point and that's it.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
cat03 #1804086 07/19/09 03:12 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
Hi, Cat,

Yes, she's a freakin' screwball, that's for certain. She keeps emailing crap to me trying to defend her stupid behavior regarding last evening's cub scout event she denied S8 from being able to participate in. I told her how childish and petty she was for putting her selfishness and her hatred of me ahead of doing what's right for S8. As part of her insane defence, she's resorting back to history revision and is now claiming she was an abuse victim in our M and that it's natural for an abused person to not want to be around an abuser. She's become so vile and full of shite -- more to the point, she's a looney.

So for my own peace of mind I have to cut this crap off. I'm not saying jack squat about anything to her ever again except for information that deals strictly with caring for our sons.

I am now losing hope that she is really serious about settling this custody dispute. I am beginning to think it was all for show, to make it look like she had tried to make one last offer of peace. I don't put anything past her anymore.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
Originally Posted By: NoCodeBlues
She keeps emailing crap to me trying to defend her stupid behavior regarding last evening's cub scout event she denied S8 from being able to participate in.
Sounds like she's feeling guilty to me. I wouldn't respond and let her experience any guilt she has. Of course she should have guilt. I think the anger towards us is their way of dealing with their own feelings of being crappy parents and spouses. I think she'll look back some day and be very ashamed, as she should. Karen


Me 53
D18, S24
karen43 #1805966 07/22/09 02:50 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
Hi, Karen,

Anyone that has done what xW has done, is continuing to do, should feel that guilt. But it seems that xW responds to guilt by simply perpetuating more acts she should feel guilty for.

I got word from the L that she has tendered an acceptance of a settlement in our case, as currently worded. However, given xW nasty behaviors of late and the terrible words she's spoken behind my back, I gather she is not being sincere herself in seeking a settlement.

In fact, as it turns out, after all of the hullabaloo she raised over my contacting our former neighbors and a mutual friend or two, and after all the resulting "gaslighting" of my character and her telling everyone how dangerously insane I might be for having contacted these folks, my xW has done the very same thing herself: She approached my brother's wife, the one seeking to have their own M ended (MLC, I strongly suspect), and made a FB friendship request. xW also began sending my SIL emails prying into the demise of their M and shoveling a load of lies about me to her. My SIL is likely gullible enough to think xW is being sincere, especially since xW is now portraying herself as a kindred spirit; they are both infected with the WAW disease.

This just shows xW to be as vile and petty as her mother, and an absolute hypocrit. I am tempted to ape xW's own words right back at her, telling her I now fear for the safety of myself and our children because of her disturbed interference and "poisoning" of my personal R with others.

xW is just evil now. Nothing else.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
As for the cub scout thing -- I think it was time for you to step aside. It is VERY normal for ex-spouses not to want to be around the X. You should not force her to choose between continuing your son's normal activities and doing what it takes to avoid you. The kids come first. It was her night and son's scout night -- your stubbornness cost your kid.

Regarding trying to make progress on custody -- If your problem with letting go of the 10-mile limit is that you think this will allow XW to move in with OM, then I'd strongly recommend that you accept her terms if they are otherwise reasonable. You can't control your XW's LL or how much your kids are exposed to her BF.

On the other hand, if you have another concern about giving up the 10-mile limit, then perhaps you can address it directly. "I am willing to give up the 10-mile limit if we specify the boys will stay in the same school, not have an average commute to school more than 45 minutes one way, be available for scouting activities, etc..."

It is not going to do your kids any good to drag the custody issue through the courts, especially if a reasonable compromise is within reach.

My mediator told be -- no D agreement is fair until both parties feel screwed. This has proven to be very true, and I expect it holds for custody agreements too.


Best,
Oldtimer
Page 18 of 53 1 2 16 17 18 19 20 52 53

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard