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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
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BTW - Coach had the mentality that 'it' wasn't over until the judge signed off on the divorce, and until then...he had a chance, but he remained very aware of the alternative!


Guys, it often isn't over even after it is signed.

One day at a time (trite as that sounds).




That's what I hear!


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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I, too, have these waves of sadness that pour over me. Often, they seem to come out of nowhere... (for those of you who do not know me, I have been separated for over a year and am almost divorced).

Carlos, I agree that it is important to stay in the present...that is our ultimate salvation in all of this, to be sure.

I have realized something, though, about these waves sadness and anger...they are part of a bigger process. I am still grieving the loss of my marriage. Does not matter that I do not want to reconcile, there is still a loss and it is like a death. I have experienced the death of a very close loved one so it is funny to me that it has taken me so long to realize that this loss is so similar. In addition to the loss of the person (spouse), there is the loss of the plans made, the goals and dreams, the expectations (dangerous though they are, I think we as humans all manage to have them sometimes). We are left, often in what feels like a pile of rubble, trying to dig our way back out to some sunlight...and it takes time...and it hurts, like hell, along the way. That said...there is joy to be had, I think, even during the grieving process. It is okay to feel all the feelings, the good and the bad. I am learning that grieving does not require one to feel miserable to the exclusion of any good feelings.

Do not mean to hijack...just want to share my perspective. What I am doing about this grief is letting myself feel the feelings as they come...sitting with them, experiencing them...and then getting myself back to finding my way...finding the joy in a moment. The joy of laughter with a good friend, the pleasure I get in my hobbies...whatever it may be - Carlos, I guess it is finding joy in the present, right?


Veronica.


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Saw xW at psy office joint visit for youngest. went Ok.

Email convo later about kid switcharoo this weekend and an invite to do something "family" together but she said she'd understand if I didn't want to. I said maybe.

Some continued convo about music instrument for oldest.

--


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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xW called and talked for a long time. There's trouble in paradise and things are strained with BFF. Among other things, xW seems to have some of the same concerns as I do.

It was good to talk.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Originally Posted By: orangedog
xW called and talked for a long time. There's trouble in paradise and things are strained with BFF. Among other things, xW seems to have some of the same concerns as I do.

It was good to talk.


and you thought it was paradise for your wife & bff ;-)

Confiding in you about problems she may be having with the bff can't be a bad thing, there is some trust there.

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Yes, I'm surprised she shared so much. Anyway, I need to be a little cautious not to be pulled into the middle of something. I will listen and be supportive but I need to be remember to keep my focus on myself and my children and let this thing play through to whatever conclusion.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Had a few wild dreams last night and then The Black Dog was gone by morning. I remember waking up thinking I felt better than yesterday. Strange how this stuff works.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Originally Posted By: orangedog
I will listen and be supportive but I need to be remember to keep my focus on myself and my children and let this thing play through to whatever conclusion.



You da' man!


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Originally Posted By: orangedog
Had a few wild dreams last night and then The Black Dog was gone by morning. I remember waking up thinking I felt better than yesterday. Strange how this stuff works.



It's time, my man! Time...it does wonders. So does persistence and determination. I'll say it again...You da' man, orangedog!


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Decent evening. Picked up stringed instrument for oldest (love those CL deals). While she was at dance, youngest and I went for MC ride. First to McD, then to coast place to throw rocks. Perfect day. Ship wake threw waves on quiet beach. Large mt rarely visible showed today. Picked up oldest and we played around with stringed instrument - none of us know anything about it so we just made noises and laughed; dad pulled off a very sour-milk version of twinkle twinkle little star and while we joked about how daughter needs to climb upon the roof to complete the image.

Last edited by orangedog; 09/04/09 05:53 AM.

"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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