People! Help! He's gonna lay the big D papers on me in about an hour = and I'm freaking out!!!! How do I handle it?
I guess I'll have to iron and watch family guy. LOL
Hope,
First off, your H is not going to serve you with D papers himself, you are going to be served by a process server if H did in fact file for D. I understand feeling anxious about receiving D papers, that is perfectly normal under the circumstances, but don't worry yourself sick over the anticipation. If you do get served, handle it as calmly as you can. Do you have any friends or close relatives that you can either visit or who can come to your place if you do get served? Sometimes having someone there with you can help to take the edge off of the initial shock of something like receiving D papers. This is something you may want to consider.
Hang in there Hope. You are in my prayers.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
THanks people It went pretty bad. I'm pretty much wanting to give all this up.
It spun into a R talk and it went to the same place south it always goes.
I did it all wrong. I did everything DB says not to. I begged, I pleaded, I tried to convince and he dug in his heels even more.
so of course, he doesn't see any changes becuase I didn't act any different.
I should have stayed calm and cool. I should have just agreed to everything. I should have let go. Crap! I lost my 180's! Maybe it's time for some going dark. I have to show change somehow.
Thank you friends. I'm so gla dyou're here with me. I know you understand.
Ps It wasn't papers yet - he wants more financial info re: house, finances, etc. to give to his lawyer. I hit the roof and I just started panicking and saying I didn't want a D and I want reconisiliation, etc and suddenly we were talking R not money. It was all wrong. Oh well, I'm no saint yet.
Let me ask the tough question here: Hope, are you sure there's no OW?
Next, YOU NEED TO SLEEP. You need to take care of you physically and emotionally. Please please get some sleep. During this time, it's almost impossible to turn your brain off. See your doctor if you need to, but sleep is crucial.
Also, I was served papers. And H was there. He freaked out, not me.
You know what you did wrong. No worries. Get back on the horse and learn from this.
Hope, you really really need to take a step back and breathe, calm down. It's sort of strange, but I was able to handle being served because I imagined it. I put myself through the scenario mentally first. And I did it serveral different ways, and one of them was how I would handle it if H was there at the time....and guess what? I was able to take the papers, I even smiled at the kid deliveringg them. I looked at H, who looked horrified....he then went to play with S in S's room. I read them, was very calm. Pointed out some mistakes in the filing (great lawyer you got there honey) and then I IRONED HIS CLOTHES AND WATCHED FAMILY GUY. Never said anything to him, except when he was leaving...."What do you want me to do with these papers? How do you want me to respond?" He said "I don't know, ask me tomorrow." Know what? Why bother. I know what I'm going to do. He doesn't get a say.
And oddly enough, we're still "dating" according to him!
Admittedly, I want my new marriage with my H. But I'm ready for either outcome. I'm ready to work hard to create a new marriage or I'm ready to work hard at a new life without him.
I know you are very new to this and not as far along as me and we're both dealing with our H's very special kind of personalized BS made just for us, but you can do this. Hope, I promise you can do this.
You made a mistake. You learned. New day. New attitude, new way of thinking. Imagine all the scenarios and imagine, with your DB knowledge how you will handle yourself, what you will say and it will happen.
You are all so right. EB I will try not to beat myself up. It's hard when I know I did everything against the DB plan. I just lost it when he told me how much filing legal separation will cost.
STronger, you are right and I wish I could have been as strong as you. I wish I could have just said, ok when he went on the usual WAS tyrade - "I can't get over the past - 100% of our relationship was awful - it was all a delusion, there was never a real relationship - I'm not going to do this any more." He said if I don't sign Separation agreement he will file D papers and it will cost even more money. Obviously there are more rounds and I'll have more chances to sit calmly through this.
I know I can't change him, so why did I try? I know it won't work to convince him how much I'm changing so why did I get mad that he is ignoring the changes I'm making?
god I wish I had somehow I have to accept the separation without accepting it. It's so weird. I don't want it. But if I show that it gives him more power.
The more he asks for the legal separation and says he 99% sure nothing will change, the sadder I become remembering the good times. It's a real mind twist. I become this crazy person who can't remember the pain he put me through. I remember all our hopes and dreams and the birth of our child - and buying our house = and I have terrible nightmares of my child being permanently damaged by being raised in two households.
Ok, you're right. I have to stop thinking. I have to get through this shock and try to remember "Ignore 100% of what he says and 50% of what he does." I don't know how, but I have to let him walk away if that is what he wants. And with total calm! SIgh.
EB, I have to remember what I have done to change even if he won't see it. I realize even though I'm supposed to make the changes for me, I still want him to notice them. He's blamed me for everything - and here I am doing what he asked and he is blind to all of it. It is disheartening. I know you understand.
But I have to go back to = I'm making the changes for me. Right? That's what we are doing?
OK, I was right - he says he wants to talk legal stuff tonight. God help me...I'm so scared. I don't know if I can emotionally handle it.
Wish me well friends, and stay tuned. AFter S goes to bed in a couple hours, I'm expecting D papers.
First rule of military survival school - "Is anything trying to kill me?" Yes - defend yourself No - take cover, figure out where you are
So H4L is anything trying to kill you?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
