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#1832567 - 09/05/09 01:12 AM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: BigJohn]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
Thanks, as always BJ. Perhaps we mess up by caring too much?
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#1832589 - 09/05/09 02:44 AM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
I'm in shock. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he is actually writing up papers for a legal separation. I can't believe we're looking at financial division. I know I need to be as cool as Stronger, but I just don't know how to process this!
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#1832620 - 09/05/09 04:46 AM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
YEp. HE HAS AN OW.
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#1832621 - 09/05/09 04:47 AM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
YEp. HE HAS AN OW.
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#1832678 - 09/05/09 09:22 AM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Energizer Bunny Offline
Member

Registered: 07/28/09
Posts: 780
I'm so sorry Hope.

What happened?
_________________________
Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.

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#1832689 - 09/05/09 10:16 AM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Energizer Bunny]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
I just put pieces together and asked him. He claims he will only go back to MC with me once I sign the legal separation AND he will not seeing OW. If I refuse, he'll file straight for D and not look back. I haven't slept a wink. Don't know where to begin.
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#1832747 - 09/05/09 12:44 PM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Energizer Bunny Offline
Member

Registered: 07/28/09
Posts: 780
I am SO sorry.

Your game has changed. Have your goals?

Pray for support and guidance.
Pray for your husband...as much as you may not want to.
Go be with family.
Sleep.
Don't forget to eat.
Evaluate your sitch. What are your goals at this point? Whay can you do to get there?


We're all still here with you.
_________________________
Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.

Top
#1832750 - 09/05/09 12:50 PM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
I mean he will not stop seeing OW. I feel awful.Looking back, I had a chance to get him back in the past, he was saying if I did xyz he wouldn't necessarily get a D. I can't believe I didn't see it - he got tested for stds, he's been gone for mysterious outings he was defensive about saying who he was with... it's really bad. I'm obssessing and despondent I'll never get ht o provto him things can be differdnt so he WANTS to come back. Thaat's what db says too but how do i do it? Go dark?
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#1832751 - 09/05/09 12:51 PM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Butterfly1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 1836
Loc: California
i dont have goals ... i dont know how to do it now. i just want H back. to pick me.
_________________________
Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship

Top
#1832758 - 09/05/09 01:00 PM Re: I'm new wondering if this works... [Re: Butterfly1]
Energizer Bunny Offline
Member

Registered: 07/28/09
Posts: 780
breathe. one breath at a time.

I don't think going dark is always the answer. the more you fight him on the separation papers the more it seems to him like you haven't changed. have you talked to a lawyer?

my W has been asking for a sep for months. the more I resister the more she saw me as controlling her. I finally told her that I love her enough to do it for er. if it truly made er happy.

it didn't stop her. she's still planning to go through with it, but it may have showed the change bigger than anthing else I could have done.

talk to a lawyer. give him the sep.
he's telling you exactly what he wants. can you do it?

you're almost guaranteed not to get him back if you don't.
_________________________
Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.

Top
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