UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[JCJ]

Posted today in the MLC thread... thought this might be helpful. GG is worried about an up-coming significant day, this is JTB's answer.

Any thoughts?

Yeah...

When I was a kid, my parents used to take me and drive out to my grandparents house for a big family bash and picnic, but I guess that's not going to happen this Labor Day....so I guess I could be upset with my parents.

Look Golf, That is 3 days away and it is already making you sad...wait...sorry...YOU are making you sad you are allowing it.

Do SOMETHING. Get your mind off of this 'memory' day. Go someplace new find a new resturant. Hike a mountain, check out the Tea Store in Boulder, or Lucilles for lunch.


Quote:

Okay, so I guess having expectations just means I'll be disappointed when they don't happen?



Partially right.
When your dissappointed or hurt...it is really hard to keep it out of your next interaction with him.

Get rid of your expectations and get rid of your reactions. Like guilt, anger, woe is me sorrow.
And yeah you're also not dissappointed.

This is something you control...so control it.

(((Nell)))

[girlfromoz]

Morning Nell,

I am up extra early this morning, H had to go early and collect his ski from the old house, it will no longer be ours at 11.30am.

I know it will be hard, but yes definitely make the day about yourself, start planning the day now, so you have time to work out what you would like to do, maybe a trip into the city for a really nice lunch and some window shopping, anything that will keep you occupied for a good part of the day. Remember we will all be here for you that day. So dwell on H not being there, look forward to a day of treats for you.

(((Nell)))

[Shane5665]

Hey Nell... I wrote you a reply on my sitch.

I found a site in which I thought could be of some use to you. It is for me. I've read it several times and I believe it with the many helpful posts on this site we can overcome all obstacles which lay before us. Remember, "We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it."

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/balancing-love-tightrope.html

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks for that Scrappy - maybe best to rethink that plan then!

Good luck with your sitch.

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks Bonny - hadn't considered it from that perspective but you are right and so I have just decided that to go have my hair remodelled for the day, might just be the tonic that I will need ... let's have gin with that!!

No GAL'ing, I'm afraid. Not finding anything that rings my bell and the money situation is getting worse by the day. Nothing on the job front, despite casting my net very much wider. The ship is sinking fast and no word from H on my Dark Day 8.

PMA for today ... book the hair appointment, go sort my tax this afternoon, come home and weed'n'feed the garden. Paid $7 yesterday for a real treat ... had my wheely bin cleaned professionally, rather than hose it out for myself! Phew, I'm living the high life here ...

[Eskimo Nell]

(((JCJ))) - thanks for that. It's kind of what I have been working on and the fact that H ignored my July birthday has kind of already set me up for the disappointment that I know I stand to face on 11th, so in a way, I'm ready for it.

I just think that it will be incredibly sad, whatever ... as the years have gone on, you remember your Special Day but it's never the same as the actual event. However, H has always been here and we look at our piccies and often relive bits of the day ... look back at the guests and say "he's dead now" or "they are D" - never thought that we would be adding to that list. Such is life, I guess. But hey, we are not there yet so why am I even saying that - PMA right??!!

[Eskimo Nell]

Oh Oz - a tough day for you but not as tough as those you have just come through (((hug))). Just keep thinking, as you posted recently, the townhouse is filled with a better vibe than your old house ... it knew about the bad memories whilst the new place is about to get some great ones thrust in its path!

Think that I have now decided that to get my hair re-modelled may be the way to go ... a new face staring back from the mirror and saying GAL!!!! I have been with this particular coiff for too many years - time for a change!

[Eskimo Nell]

How true is that, Shane?? Wise words.

Thanks for the link ... I shall go read ....

[girlfromoz]

That's great Nell, I always find that when you have your hair done you instantly feel like a different person, much happier.

I had mine short for many years and have just finished growing it long again. H said he preferred it short, so I kept it long, once I would have cut it to make him happy, but not anymore. New Oz and NEW NELL.

You will find changing your style will give you a real boost to your confidence. When will you get it done?

You will have to tell us what it is like.

(((Nell)))

[Eskimo Nell]

I think that it's a good idea too! Why have we always pandered to the men on these things?!! New Oz - New Nell indeed.

Just thinking when to get hair done. Was all for on the anniversary a week Friday but may be a bit too long away ... can't decide. Can't decide on much at all right now - even like what time to have my shower this morning! I am in jim-jam mode again but have to get up and about as I have the tax thing to do this arvo.

I just feel like I'm going downward fast in to the vortex that has started to grip me tighter. It's a weird feeling really - the Dark Days have taken away many of my bad thoughts but I am overcome now with this over-whelming sadness and the fact that I feel it's all over ... H is NOT affected by my silence. He didn't respond in any way to my 3 word email yesterday and I guess that now he has had evidence that I am still breathing, that's enough for him.

I can't keep on livnig this way. I'm feeling my isolation more each day and I'm almost not bothered about coming here any more either ... it's literally all that I do ... there is nothing else but it's also how I am living my life ... my problems and other people's problems ... is this the new norm?? I can't let it be that way but I can't break free of it either as I just need something to happen to show me that what I am doing is right.

My positivity (on the times that I have shown it) is all a sham. It's a front. It's not me or how I am feeling. I just want to run to my H and drag him back here, kicking and screaming and make him listen to what I have to say. I know that it would get me nowhere but I feel like I am about to explode. I want to cry and I can't ... the tears refuse to come. This is my brick wall. I know that if I break it down, I will no longer be in any sort of control and yet back to square one. I am here alone, I have to look after myself. I can not fall apart ... yet the pent up emotion is destructive.