As an addendum to my last - actually, I don't know why I am panicking at all ... the bills are all paid by direct debit from the joint account. If he's not checking the status of the account, he will be as liable as I am and any overdue letters will come here addressed to him, as well as me. (I can't bear paying late payment charges - it's always been a hangup of mine but maybe one that I have to grit my teeth on this time around).
Perhaps I just need to sit this one out and, if the payment does not go in on Monday or Tuesday, I can drop him an email saying "please check balance of account - insufficient funds for bill payments" and leave it at that.
This should not be my issue. I'm dealing with enough of his cr*p right now!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Not really got any plans for this weekend, other than I could start on my studying!
Weather looks set to rain all weekend, so it's dark and dismal, inside and outside! I think that I shall just fly by the seat of my pants for the next two days ... I did heaps last week and, should I get the job, I may start working next week so I think that I shall just take the opportunity and hit the books!
What are your plans?
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Hi Rabbit Appreciate the hug to wake up to! This current situation is not about paying the bills myself - that's all done through the bank - but rather that H has not put in enough money for the bills to be paid.
My fear was, he threatened that he would only pay half this month and, when I saw only half the expected money deposited, I felt that he had acted out on the threat. I over-reacted and will wait to see if any more is forthcoming on Monday or Tuesday. If it's not then, I will have to rethink my plan.
Sorry that you had to tell someone that H is no longer living with you - that makes you one step further on than me! I have not had to do that yet but I know that I will struggle when that day comes. I guess it's different living in a 'new' country and no one even knows that you are here, never mind your H having left!! I don't think that the neighbours have even noticed.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Yes, my hopes are positive for good news re the job on Monday or Tuesday. It would be a good thing for me right now and would take some pressure off us both in regard the bills. H is angry at having to pay my half too - but he was doing that when he was here! It is HIS choice to have moved out and to have a secondary lifestyle to support so why does that become my problem all of a sudden?? It's him that needs to get his head around that and stop pressuring me.
What have you got lined up for the weekend - apart from getting ready for the fashion parade?!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Feeling like this is all hopeless and I should just give in.
Despite all my DB'ing efforts, H is behaving like he has already gotten himself a new life and he is long gone. Going dark is having no affect on him, whatsoever. I could be dead for all he knows or cares.
I am just NOT coping.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Probably packing up my life here in Australia and going 'home' ... I have nothing here, can't even get a job and no-one to be able to help carry my burden. I'm just not getting stronger ... I'm one step forward and four steps back.
Feeling very sorry for myself today :o(
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I am starting to believe that the sooner one does move on and take care of him/her self, the sooner a real resolution is possible.
6 years ago my H left, had a fling and came back 5 weeks later. Of course, I was elated. But, the bug up his butt to leave and lead this other life was never really exorcised and as much as I sometimes wish he'd snap out of it and be my white knight, more realistically, I realize that he has to live this out, whatever it is and have a genuine catharsis if there is any hope.
So, my point is, you need to take care of yourself and your immediate needs first. Time and distance will not stop a reconciliation if it is meant to be (I know that sounds trite but I do believe it).
I'm sorry it is so hard. Believe me, I've been turned inside out and watching my kids suffer on top of it. But, focusing on myself and the life I want to lead has done wonders. You are not a victim. Life is short, what can you do to start feeling that you are truly living and not just a bit player in his warped story.
One of the most helpful things I've read here is the following quote-
“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
