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#1832011 - 09/04/09 06:54 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Next problem - some one please help me with this??

I have paid all the bills that are due up until now - no funds left for any more. H has not yet put any money in to the joint account and I am worried incase he does not. There are a few bills due soon and I don't know what to do now that I am dark?

H has ignored my emails about the bills and other stuff that concerns me to do with the house ... how do I tackle these issues when I am dark and he hasn't responded in over 10 days?? I can not let my bills go unpaid but I'm wondering if this is his new ploy to 'smoke me out' .... out of the darkness and also the house!

Thoughts please - it's starting to weigh heavy.
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1832014 - 09/04/09 07:04 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
As above ... and, as I suspected, he has only put in half the money to cover all the mortgage and bills for the month. Now what do I do - I can't stay dark on this one .... ?????
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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#1832015 - 09/04/09 07:12 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
JCJ Offline
Member

Registered: 05/27/08
Posts: 3309
Loc: London, UK
Wait... don't act now. Get more advice first. I take it you cannot afford half?
_________________________
M- May 2006
D - Aug 2010
Now travelling the world

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#1832018 - 09/04/09 07:36 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: JCJ]
Lost Rabbit Offline
Member

Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 1317
Just wanted to give you a hug, as I know how sickening it feels to be paying all the bills on your own, even if its with H's money. Im sure that someone with more knowledge will answer soon, but for the minute dont panic, if anything is urgent pay the half you have and phone them and say that you are doing that. From their point of view you have paid your half albeit with H's money so it will be him they will look to for the other half. Chin up I know how its feels I had to tell someone this morning that H doesnt live here any more and to phone him on his mobile..x
_________________________
____________________________

W 47
H 47
M 24
T 30

Once lost but now found and happily married again!

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#1832022 - 09/04/09 08:07 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Eskimo Nell]
gucci loafer Offline
Member

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 1408
It is ok to contact regarding issues like this.

BUT.... BUT.. I hope you are not justifying this as a reason to contact him. It certainly seems like you WANT to find a reason.

Can't you contact the creditors and tell THEM how to get a hold of him? Have you considered that you are enabling him to not be responsible for his part? I would think you could find some creative way to handle this without contact.

If you are bound and determined then do the contact, get to the business at hand and then end the call or email....


You seem to be in a state of panic. Get creative. I will tell you again that chasing and pursuing in any way shape or form will work AGAINST you. It will set you back to square one. Waiting him out this time was very important, but you keep bringing it up again and again. This is no time for weakness.

Your choice, but I would wait it out and find another way or put the creditors on his trail. Tell them that he is supposed to be taking care of this and how to contact him. Enabling him isn't good. Let him step up to the plate without you being his mommy.


Edited by gucci loafer (09/04/09 08:08 AM)

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#1832051 - 09/04/09 09:12 AM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: gucci loafer]
girlfromoz Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 885
Hi Nell

OOOOhhh I so hope you get the job, I am sure by the time December rolls around the position will become permanent and good for you on the further study, I don't have the dedication to do that kind of thing.

Just keep the positive thoughts happening about the job.

(((Nell)))
_________________________

Trying to keep hope alive

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#1832391 - 09/04/09 04:32 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: girlfromoz]
Shane5665 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/09
Posts: 55
Loc: Florida
WOW Nell, what a positive GAL on furthering your studies. I'm not sure how much help I'd be though ... meez hands are a bit full at the moment. I'd sure give it a try though if you needed it .. isn't that what friends are for .. wink

Sorry to hear about your problems with H. I hope you can work this out with him and keep a level head. It seems you are traveling in the right direction with yourself .. don't let his actions derail that ... K I know it's hard ... you've read my sitch .. but I'm starting to learn that it isn't about my W. It's about me and how I handle the hurdles life throws at me. You will be ok. Just calmly think things thru before you contact him. Follow the others advice and do what is best for Nell. Not your H.

Love Your Friend

Shane
_________________________
Me 44
WAW 37
S 14
D 12

M 18 yrs
T 20 yrs
WAS 7-27-09
WAS #2 6-10-11

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."

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#1832418 - 09/04/09 05:09 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: Shane5665]
dolphin_05 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 1432
Fantastic news on the study Nell.

Cas

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#1832445 - 09/04/09 05:49 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: dolphin_05]
girlfromoz Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 885
Morning Nell

What are your plans for today?

Oz
_________________________

Trying to keep hope alive

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#1832481 - 09/04/09 07:36 PM Re: UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach [Re: girlfromoz]
Eskimo Nell Offline
Member

Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 1004
Loc: Totally Isolated
Thanks all for your advice ... Gucci, whilst I hear you and yes, I am a bit panicked, I PROMISE that this is not a ploy. I'm so pleased with my own progress (such as it is) over the past days that I really don't want to talk to H and I am so very determined (even though I have wobbles) not to contact him - I don't want to throw 10 Dark Days down the drain! I can't afford to undo all of my good work - I just need the security of him having paid the bills.

I think that I did over-react a bit yesterday. Therefore, I am resolved to wait until Monday or Tuesday and see if any more money goes in to our joint account. Looking back on the previous months, it seems that he is depositing in two sums - I think that his previous advice was that he has to do that, due to the max daily limit he can move out of his account. For all that he has done/is doing, my H is a good person and as I have explained my position, I don't think that he will let me down on this but I am also not naive enough to think that things are 'normal' right now. I guess that is what made me panic. I have to trust that he will come to the party on certain issues - he's not looking after me right now but I have no reason to believe that he would throw away his own investment, such as the house is. I know that he could not live with creditors chasing him, either!

I'm a bit calmer now ... thank you all for helping me to see sense on this one - it's so good having the security blanket wrap around me when I need it most!
_________________________
WAH 43; W 47
M 16; T 17
Cats 15 & 6
Bomb 27/05/09
ow 28/06/09

"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"

Started counselling 17/08/09

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