He asked me what I am doing about work and mentioned other people's inquires as to why I am not working more.
How about, I don't care what other people ask about and i am none of their business.
He mentioned what a great time we had on Sunday but then something changed and he doesn't get it. I tried again to explain that this subject matter is too stressful for me to discuss willy nilly.
He doesn't get it? That is the understatement of the year.
I told him at one point that I am just glad to be mentally doing well and that is the most important thing and that once I know how much money I'm getting, I can make the next decisions accordingly. He said he is actually shocked by how well I'm doing. I seem to be so much better off...(trap)
Let him continue to be shocked. Yeah. They all imagine we are going to sink into a heap and not be able to function without them. Granted, most of us did at first - but not any more, baby.
He told me he'll always make sure I'm taken care of. I said that while I appreciate the sentiment, I cannot rely on him anymore and I need to know how much I have to work with. He says that now but I have no idea where he'll be four years from now.
Not only that, but didn't you have times when he was off on his little ego trips and you were short on money? More than once, if I remember right.
I finally got off the phone with a headache and stressed and picking up his mother for dinner (which he knew).
She and I had a decent time. Of course we talked a bit about H who she referred to as like an addict but she just can't help herself, she can't say no when he asks her for something...
Hmmm, a mother that can't help herself with her adult son? Sounds like a definite pattern. He gets his desires no matter what. Doesn't produce great marriage material, does it, Mom?
Oh, prior to dinner with MIL, I texted him that I would shrug this off and have a good time and that we will figure it all out (I couldn't bear him thinking I let him ruin my night).
He responded that he cares deeply for me and he just doesn't know how to approach certain topics with me that are difficult.
I said we just make a time to discuss them when we are both prepared.
Then he says "Ok. Love always and I do admire how you are taking care of yourself."
I hope you didn't respond. You really don't need to worry about what he thought. And you know that.
After my dinner with his mom, I checked my email and here's the pièce de résistance...a facebook email from a woman (model looking young) searching for H and she goes into this whole weird diatribe about how she met him with rock star and he was showing pictures of his kids and someone was asking about "AK" and she was wondering if that is me because she is trying to find this cool guy she met [H]...it went on but WTF????? I just didn't respond and blocked her but it really made me sick inside and I just want to leave this town and never look back. I can't take anymore. At dinner, we were talking to the couple next to us (one of whom is a recognizable actress) and the guy starts talking about a friend of his and of course it is a close friend of H's and it is all Hollywood BS and I just have had it!!!!!! And of course, I cried all the way home and my head hurts and my heart hurts. Not because I want him but because I want to be able to divorce him in every way and start anew. And this stupid celeb sh*t is just gonna drag more drama and draw more vermin into mine and my kids lives. Aaaargh. As for the email, I was going to forward it to H and say "handle this" but my best friend made me swear I would do nothing and she thought it was very suspicious (it was f*cking weird!!!!). Boy did I have fun imagining how I could respond to this tart but I did nothing.
I definitely think he made it happen. You don't need the drama. Do not even say anything to him.
About 40 minutes ago H texted me asking if I'm ok (at a specific time that has significance for me relating to a friend that died...complicated story)...but really, am I ok?????? I am not answering.
Am I ok?????
No need to respond, hon. Because he knows you are doing ok. And Ok without him. He is still deep, deep in the fog.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
well, I'm guessing it feels pretty good to have the $ thing off your mind. I don't think anyone should have to sweat their survival like that after dedicating themselves to a relationship and family for such a long time. So maybe that put you in a more receptive mood for lunch...good that you pushed it off. Keep him interested and listening.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Weird lunch. Hard to find light conversation under the circumstances. A little flirting, a little banter, a little arm pinch (which I joked was turning me on too much). Lots of references to how good I look.
A friend of H's happened to walk into restaurant and I asked H what he knows. He said he just knows we are not together...
H invited me up to make me some tea...Asked at one point to see my six pack (I don't have one) but I told him he'd have to work a lot harder for that. Asked me for a hug, I gave him a distant one with some back tapping (friend hug) he held on and tried to get closer. After he asked if it was wrong that he liked hugging me. I didn't answer. He said "no, I think it is ok." I just let him spin around a little. He asked me if I can come out later tonight. I said I'm not sure if the timing will work out plus I don't know what I'm walking into (mutual friends etc) and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got a clear agreement regarding the amount of money.
It was an ok afternoon but wow, I am not attracted to him. WTF??
I guess it is good but it feels so sad.
I did tell him while at his place that was is strange to see my kids beds there and their little things...he said he doesn't take that for granted.
So, shooting gallery. I think I know what to do here. But, one thought. He would do just about anything I asked him to right about now. Maybe even Retrouvaille. But, my instinct is to hold off and focus on my life without him (or with him as a peripheral figure).
Retrovaille would be as much to convince me as him that there is any possible chance for us as a married couple.
I feel ok. I'm relieved about the money. It is the first step. Breathe, time to start looking for a place in earnest.