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Dude, we're all with you. The only faith you need to have in these moments is knowing that you will feel better.

I'm being a dumba** and watching a frickin' movie where the parents are divorcing and the kid is right in the middle...sob sob...total gluttony but at least I'm exercising while I do it.

Sometimes you've just got to relish in the suckiness of it and then get back on track.



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Just found this on the DB Quotes thread (good stuff there)-

Quote:
– 90 yrs young – a columnist in Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me... It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ’In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.



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It makes perfect sense. I think everybody starts DB because they really want to bring their spouse back to the relationship.


me 34
W 37
three kids 9 13 17
married 14 years together 15
well the bomb has been dropped a few times
most recent was early June
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StrongMaahhvalousWoman,

It seems I don't learn (get, internalize, or whatever the word) these concepts all at once but in levels.

I've been working on the Stockdale Paradox and Smiley's Spier's Doctrine for a while but once again there was a deeper layer that I hadn't got to yet. I supposedly knew all along and wasn't supposed to be carrying expectations but. And if this is any indication then there are still layers upon layers.


There is a Zen koan, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him". At this moment I understand this to mean to me, "If you think you've finally 'made it', then you are just fooling yourself. The real work has just begun."

Last edited by orangedog; 07/04/09 08:36 PM.

"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Thank you for the kind words. ExtremeGAL weekend needs to get back into progress. The house is clean, the dog is clean (the real dog too, not just the Orange one). There's a party to go to.

More talk later. Right now mind needs rest.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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O' dog, one of my biggest challenges has been to not have expectations. I have to remind myself often that I am taking things one day at a time. I still get ahead of myself, but I am staying busy enough right now that I dont have time to focus my worry on it.


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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bluerain,

I've probably had expectations since bomb day. I expect to get papers in the next few weeks and right now I don't look forward to seeing or talking with her so for the first time I don't have expectations...I think.

This time of year it's easy enough to stay busy so I don't have to think about it so much.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Extreme GAL weekend is getting near the end. Roundup:

Mt bike ride through singletrack hell and tailgate

Outdoor Reggae Concert sponsored by local brewpub. From what I remember it was pretty good - Jah Love!

Mt bike ride - got charged by mama moose guarding her baby.

Downtown hang out.

Downtown 4th stuff.

4th party in sun

Beer on the deck of brewpub late at night

morning Zen - met the local master who'd been on retreat in Japan for several weeks.

Open water swim.

Rollerblading with fast running dog - crashed in weeds - fun.

Met a few cuties (just talked)


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Damn good GALing, od. Bravo.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Odd how things align sometimes with the DB/RL mix...I was just talking with a dear friend of mine about how I used to confuse hope/expectations/faith - and that when things started going well in my life (talking work-wise here), that I would fall into these traps of expecting things to keep going that route...similar thing then happened when I picked up the DB mantle - and thought, hey, this magic formula will save my marriage and make everything right...well...it made things better, just not in a way I ever would have anticipated - and the big lesson was in learning to let go of expectations...not just with regards to relationships - but in larger terms as well...

Sounds like you're doing well, OD...though I' sorry to see that you find yourself in limboland. Not the most pleasant place to be, I know - as I was there for many months - until I was finally the one that asked my STBX to move out rather than have her continue to use it as a threat/way to control me.

...which is to say...one of the wonders of getting detached, of working toward detachment, is that it frees one so nicely from another person's ambiguity. It allows for the acknowledgment of that ambiguity without attachment/interest...just in the same way one deals with a thought while sitting zazen...acknowledged, and let go...

I haven't done singletrack in ages...miss it...what part of the world are you in, OD?

-carlos.


Me:39
S3,S13

"We consent to live like sheep." W.H. Auden

On my own
Separation #4
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