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Thanks all.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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I am sending you positive vibes. You did your best, you *know* you did your best and it will be you that can sleep at night knowing all this.

Be strong, feel what you need to feel and most of all, despite the twinges of hurt, go live your life just as you want to!

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I don't know what the rules are about posting links to items for sale so I'll just give you the text of the ad I posted on CL today.

"M's nugget wedding band - Must be destroyed

M's nugget wedding band. 14K of pure evil embossed with 23 natural gold nuggets and 3 small diamonds. Measures 7mm x 3mm thick at widest point. Makers mark on the inside says "NOC 14K". I don't know what that stands for but I'm sure it's something scary.

This ring must be destroyed in the fires of Mt. Doom lest the entire world will fall into everlasting darkness. The ring will give the bearer invisibility ("Did you say something honey?") but will take away all control including, "mastery over their powers and domination of the wills of the users" ("Who wears the pants around here now, Mister Man!" ).

Unfortunately I can't get the time off work to make the trek to the fiery volcano otherwise I would do it myself. But you can buy it from me for $--- and decide what to do with it. I just want it gone. Maybe you think it would make a great man's wedding ring ... but don't say I didn't warn you.

Ask for Smeagol"




Last edited by orangedog; 08/26/09 12:04 AM.

"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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My impression of BFF fell farther yesterday when W reported that her stbx H is near-suicidal.

After job loss and market collapse, BFF & H went from being double-income-no-kids with a huge house, timeshares, cars, toys, and trappings to bankruptcy, foreclosure, and repos. And she left him right in the middle of it to move up here and start over. Throw in her MLC and a fling and it makes for a pretty bad break.

I shouldn't concern myself with it, after all it's not my relationship or life, however BFF now lives with xW and has virtually taken over as mom. And her H is a good friend of mine.

What bugs me the most is the selfishness of it. She can bake all the cookies she wants but it doesn't change the fact that she has made a wreck of her former life, has my good friend thinking about taking a .45 caliber pill, she's running my xW's house, and she's being more of a parent than xW is. Even the kids joke that it's not mommy's house anymore; it's BFF's.

xW is always trying to defend BFF and talks about how great she is. She gets kids to brush teeth, she gets kids to do this, she gets kids to do that. LuckyG and a few others including myself predicted that after a while this sitch would end - there can only be one queen of the castle. However xW has sort of just stepped back and let her run the show.

I'm not saying she caused all the problems in our life or that she caused the divorce. There were plenty of other factors; many of them beginning with O'dog himself. But she's not a positive influence. She's a damn invasive weed.

Yes, O'dog is angry right now. And he's talking poorly of others. (Bad karma dude!) Looking for the correct response. I've been ignoring the sitch and concentrating on my own game (which has been hard enough) but I don't think that's the right thing to do. What's best for my kids?


Last edited by orangedog; 08/27/09 07:08 PM.

"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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What's best for your kids is for you to be the absolute best father that you can possibly be to them. No matter what. Some things are beyond our control and some things aren't. Focus on your kids right now. We need to focus our energy on things that we can control, and let go of trying to control other things that we can't. You're a triathelete, I believe. Swim, ride, and pound those stressors into the singularity whenever you're out there. You are, and will continue to be, a better father, a better O-dog, and a better partner as time goes by.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Thank you Antlers.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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BFF sounds very invasive indeed - like she's trying to fill some kind of gap by proxy - or else prove something to someone...who knows...just an observation - though in the end, those observations just don't mean much I suppose...what matters most is what we do with the reality of our lives - not our perceptions of our lives...though I don't know if it's always possible to get through the perceptions enough to find the real kernel of reality. Perhaps that's just the beauty of living in the moment - of seizing each moment in its totality - so that when we smile with our children, living in the moment, we smile forever.

-Carlos.


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"We consent to live like sheep." W.H. Auden

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Originally Posted By: healthydad
so that when we smile with our children, living in the moment, we smile forever.


And those are indeed my best times.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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"What matters most is what we do with the reality of our lives." - healthydad


Thanks, man! That's good stuff.


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So this weekend I had one of those kind of half-sleep half awake lucid things. It's called "Trying to make sense out of things that don't make sense."

I've used this line before but it really seems to be arriving again in the midst of these heavy discussions on SP's thread. As stated earlier O'dog is done and the paperwork is filed. But I continue to participate in these discussions for a few reasons.

- I want to understand what and why this happened. I still have feelings of hurt, anger, rejection, (happiness?). What's going on inside that grey matter of mine?

- It ain't over yet and never will be. Because we have kids it's not really the end of a relationship, just a troubled relationship forever bound by strings that cannot be cut. Yeah, she thought she'd get rid of me and all would be good. And I thought with less contact with her would feel better. But we can only go so far without abandoning little ones.

- Emotional support.

So something brought up in Zen discussion made absolutely no sense. I'm pondering this thing while doing housework moving the words back and forth and suddenly, Eureka!, the whole thing came unhinged. It wasn't supposed to make sense, only to be seen for the beauty of the words themselves. There were bits of understanding here and there but they were not knitted together in any particular string of meaning.

And that's when I let go of trying to understand the meaning or string of logic of W and D. I'm trying to make sense of something that has no sense to begin with. There are bits of understanding here and there but they are not knitted together in any particular string of meaning.

So while I struggle to understand why, who, how, what caused all this I have to let some of it go and realize not all of it will be understandable. I wish I had a 100% solid answer about what happened and why. But none exists. It's random. Not confused but not made in any particular order. It is a freedom to let go simply see what is in front of me.

Easier said than done.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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