Here you go how about this, just a bit softer and inviting whilst still business like!
"Hi H
I havent had any feedback from the car insurance company, did you manage to upgrade my policy? I am a bit tight on money this month after putting the additional money in the joint account, which if Im still in my temporary job next month I will take some time to sort out!
You know you mentioned helping with some of the household jobs, it would be useful if you could mow the lawns as my hands and fingers are troublesome at the moment. Perhaps you would let me know what day would be amenable"
Remember "softly softly catchy monkey"
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks Cas and Oz ... I am going through Relationships Australia at the moment and they are supposed to be TOTALLY pro-M!!
Wish that I could afford a DB coach but there's just too much that I have to pay out on now that H has withdrawn even more of his financial support. Will just have to believe in fate, meanwhile and to continue living off other people's valuable experiences, sharing their knowledge.
Wishing you all a peaceful evening and a good sleep.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I shall ponder a while and, in good DB'ing mode, I shall then send the email tomorrow. Being Thursday, it won't bring him near for the weekend but at least he will start to plan ... maybe for the weekend following but I shan't hold my breath. Sometimes I would rather not know that he is 'unable to make it' as it tells me that he is having a visitor, which gives me a more miserable time than doing stuff for myself or not having jobs done at all - know what I mean?
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Well, I didn't send the email as planned but, being alone in the office all day at work, I got to really being tempted to phone H. Thankfully, I settled on sending a quick email instead - and it worked! Took H only 5 minutes to reply:
Nell: Hi! How's your week panning out? H: Not good. Got a flu'y thing going on - everyone is dropping like flies. How are you? Nell: Mmm, need your nursey to come around and mop your brow?!!
Bit of chat then about how I had been past his place this week and a bit more on how I was going to ring and invite him to lunch but thought that he would decline - "maybe another time?" Told him about the cats driving me nuts and that I had to go puchase something large for them, on the way home (he's not going to baulk at the bill for that then!) and then mentioned that my wrists and finger were still really sore, but in an upbeat tone and not sounding needy!!
Also said that I would email from home tonight as one or two things to say ... and then I planned not to remember that I was going to do that, leaving things up in the air, equally as he did when he told me last week that he was going to email me and did not.
Lo and behold, when I got home, the second water bill has arrived (this one is for HIM to pay as I paid the last) and also the date for our tribunal hearing, re the house. So, both letters scanned and about to be sent off to H.
Am really marvelling (short term, I'm sure) at how well the contact versus no contact has worked out today! Small baby steps???!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Oh yeah! Mind you, H probably only replied quickly so that he could get some sympathy for his man-flu - so says the cynic in me!!
I've hit him with two big emails tonight - complete with attachments. Feeling that it was a lot when he's feeling unwell, I added some chat on to the end of both emails, "acting as if" ... some banter between friends, so as to lift the 'heavy' message from the financial aspect.
The other email was the buildings tribunal hearing date - that's going to be a half day hearing with 'us' against 'them'. I explained that we need to show a united front, whatever happens. We should arrive and leave together.
It will be interesting to see what happens next from H and it means that I can keep my 'financial' chats up my sleeve for another time.
Kind of thinking that 'more of the same' involves contact - even though I feel that it should be limited. NC gets me nowhere and only allows H to feel that I have gone ... which he delights in.
This really IS a counter-intuitive process ... it all feels wrong and is most confusing. Must mean that I am finally getting it right then??!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Even if your H did want some sympathy at least he was seeking it from you.
If more contact feels right for you then I say go for it. If it doesn't feel right your gut instincts will tell you that and you know better than anyone how your H reacts if you have nc as opposed to contact.
You are right too - if and when the gut instinct feels that things have changed, I can do a pull back too - works both ways.
I think that I may be taking back a bit of control - evidently I don't have much in my favour but I can decide on whether or not I want to communicate with him and that's a small step in the right direction. If I then withdraw from that again, H may start to wonder .... oh, paralysis by analysis, to quote the famous golfers term!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
The one person on here I have the most admiration for is Dia she has adapted her DB'ing to suit the situation, and I do think we have to do that too! So if a bit of polite friendly contact works and draws your H in then do it! As Oz said he wanted sympathy and looked at least to get it from the right place! DB'ing is being strategic and one size doesnt fit all so a bit of tweaking is appropriate and "more of the same" does fit the bill if it works do it! If you will excuse the expression, when we first meet our other halves in the mens case they are "thinking with their credentials" so perhaps bringing them back to that moment even if for a short while gets them engage again so be it.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
