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No one knows what their future holds.

The only thing for certain is uncertainty.

Feel better - go for a walk, get out of the house for a little while.


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Final - 1/15
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I am in serious need of some hand slapping or encouragement. Not sure which. I want to send a card to him so badly, just so he knows I'm still here for him. I know I'm not supposed to and I can't leave the house right now. NOt contacting him online is easy for me, I really have no desire to do so. I just want to send a card or a letter , anything , to let him know I'm here. To let him know I do love him and am willing to listen to his reason no matter how bad it is. I am feeling so desperate for SOME kind of .... sign that he knows I even exist. I just want to know why. Am I wrong to want to know? Don't I have a right to know? I hurt so bad right now. How can this be so easy for him? Its so hard on me.

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Does it really matter why?

He walked out on you with not so much as a goodbye. Would you excuse that in some situations, and not in others?

In an earlier post you said what he did was inexcuseable.


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Final - 1/15
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Thank you, and you're right it is. Im just extremely upset tonight and feeling sorry for myself. Im lonely and I miss ...what we had...I called a couple of friends and they are coming by later for a movie night. Anything to get my mind back off him.

Everyone here that has posted has given me some great advice and I know I am being a child right now. I would throw a temper tantrum on the floor but would give myself a headache if I did...not to mention probably injure myself.

My weak moments seem to be coming more often and I can't figure out why. I KNOW better, but my heart isnt cooperating at all.

I keep telling myself I can't do anything about it. Tonight Im just not listening I guess.

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Well, you are awfully young.

It's normal to be sad, and grieve the loss of your marriage. But instead of moping around over him, you need to start thinking about you.

Great idea to call some friends. Keep that up - keep up posting here. We all know what you're going through.

Do you have a church or other spiritual support that you belong to?

Stacy


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Morning, and thanks stacey. I had fun last night. Had a couple of friends over and we watched stupid sci-fi movies and made fun of them. Managed to make it thru my tea this morning without crying, altho I did come close. I read the news instead. That was enough to get me riled up over politics which of course took my mind off things. He would get a laugh at that, he always hated politics. :P

I logged into my site thinking he would have deleted that account like he did the others, since I know about it. But oddly I'm showing he is still active on the account. I didn't go and look, half scared and it would probably make me sick anyway. I didn't block him, altho I was tempted. I don't want to cut off communications lines, just in case. He did delete his pic off skype. and took me off his contacts. That was sad to see and recent.
Today I have rehearsals, so I will be busy at least. Nobody that we both know can get an answer from him. Nothing I can do. UPside is I havent been served any papers yet.
I am not really spiritual, I do pray , more lately than ever , but I don't belong to any churches. It's just not something i am comfortable with.
Seems the news is spreading like wildfire...2 of my ex boyfriends have contacted me.... that was...wierd. I was polite and thanked them for their concern. Not really sure how to handle that. For a moment I felt more like prey than a person. <shudders>
Im going to make a sincere effort to get thru today like I always have. I know he's being a jerk, but it doesnt change the fact that I made a commitment to him thru better or worse. This is the "worse" part...at least I hope this is the worst.

HUgs to everyone and thank you for listening to my nonsense. Hard, most of my friends don't seem to understand.

Dusk

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Hey all, just thought I would check in. No changes really. No contact anyway. Cleaned my apt most of today. Just for something to do. Even let my new puppy play in the mud so I would have to bathe her. I was regretting that about halfway into her bath, still, it kept me busy on a day I would normally just be laying around the house.

Only cried for about an hour, then got back out of bed and made dinner.

How do you handle people, friends esp, that are so.. insensitive to what I'm going thru right now? I don't think they mean to be, but I'm very vulnerable? and am not sure how to respond to some of the suggestions Im being given. Ok some I do, I was quite firm on a few of the less...ladylike ones. (My mom would roll over in her grave!) I don't think going out and filing for a divorce just to "show him" is a good idea. I don't want a divorce and I don't really know what's going on with him. If he needs help then that won't help him. At least I don't think it would.

I have looked thru some posts but havent really seen any thing. I skimmed thru the book as well but I may have missed it,I'm also tired and need sleep. I will look thru it more tomorrow on my breaks.

Thanks guys,
Dusk

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Just rambling a little. Doing ok , had my heart skip a beat last night tho. He checked my profile. No contact, but he did look at it. I closed my browser and just decided to stay away from the computer. No I havent looked today. I am SOOOO glad I took all the mushy I dont want to lose him stuff off there tho. At first I wasnt, because how would he know how I felt, then I rethought it and realized, if I dont know what he's thinking, why should I let him know what I'm thinking. Yes I know immature. I decided Im allowed today.

So while it isnt contact, he "looked in my direction". Somehow that makes me feel better and ..kinda makes me angry too. I will have to think about why it makes me mad tho and get back to you on it.

I decided not to log onto my profile today and maybe for the next day or 2, I dont have THAT much going on that I can't miss it. Not sure if thats a good idea or not, but I have decided thats what Im going to do.

Gonna treat myself to something good to eat,
Dusk

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Sick today...woke up crying and can barely function. I called in today for everything. I'm just in misery and can't pull myself up. I was ok yesterday...for the most part. The nightmares last night were....awful....I must be losing my mind.

No contact and I don't think Im going to get any. I feel helpless and my hope is fading. I have read thru so many posts...about no contact.. I don't understand why I'm going thru all this. Was I too independent? too sick for too long? Did I not need him enough? God I needed him everyday, some days he was the only reason I wanted to keep going. Some days I wanted to choke him.

Im not ready to give up on him but I dont know what else I can do.

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Ok, well Im feeling better this afternoon. I was reading thru the DB book a little. Again some of it seems to not make any sense at all. Its been a week since I last contacted him, 4 weeks tomorrow since any contact FROM him. The book says to try a technique , in my case NOT contacting him, for 2-3 weeks and if no changes happen to try something else. SO i was thinking ok, so i give it a couple of more weeks and see if he contacts me.

Then of course I thought about what I would do differently if he doesnt. Since most if not all of our contact has been online or over the phone since he went over there and there is no way I could travel even if I wanted to, does anyone have suggestions? Writing a letter would be different, i have only written him one since he went over there.

Im sure Im thinking way too far ahead, but having some sort of idea would help me, then I could set a goal, that if this doesnt work, I try this. I dunno, any thoughts?

As far as my life goes, I begged out of everything today and moped around then pulled the book out to read. I am feeling better altho I am a bit drained from the roller-coaster.

Dusk

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