Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

Whew,

Looks like I might make it to payday with "moderate" damage from the bank, mostly to the tune of the $260 towing I had not anticipated. They made it sound as if I was going to get slammed $15 for every source of overdraft, instead they charging $15 for everyday in overdraft, still a loss of money, but I can live with that, then recover in couple of weeks barring any more surprises.

Finding it harder and harder though to stray from this area of the boards, just don't have the compassion anymore to 'assist' those going through the steps anymore. Bad thing? For some reason I feel the other way around.

[mishka422]

Wow! You're getting off cheap! My bank overdraft fee is $35 PER TRANSACTION! I can usually get round it, but not always.

[dday101798]

No, I was already hit with that per transaction, now it's an extended overdraft that I thought was going to be the same ordeal. Not used to this stuff, never happened to me before.

[dday101798]

Whoa,

Ok, so I guess I side result of all this is I am all the sudden much more assertive to stand my ground versus the way I was which was 'passive aggressive' as XW would put it.

I'm out on my break having a cigarette which now we have to leave the campus to smoke, and anybody who knows the West Side of Chicago, is a taking your life into your own hands ordeal.

So I'm puffing away and minding my own business and this guy comes from around the corner:

"Hey man, let me buy a smoke off you"
Sorry I only I brought one down
"C'mon man, I'm dying for a smoke"
[firmer toned]I don't have another one
"Alright, I'll give you a quarter and smoke it with you"
[firmer yet]I don't think so!
"C'mon dude, I'm paying you and want to smoke!"
[blasted]NO!!!

Look on his face was priceless as he literally jumped back, then walked away mumbling something, constantly looking back at me.

I've never been known as the confrontational type outside of my own 'secure zones'.

Heh, felt kind of good, real good actually.

[mishka422]

Finding it harder and harder though to stray from this area of the boards, just don't have the compassion anymore to 'assist' those going through the steps anymore. Bad thing? For some reason I feel the other way around.

I understand that sentiment. I find it nearly impossible not to say "Run! Run for your life!!!"

[dday101798]

No, not in that sense. I just don't feel it's "good" for me right now to read through other's stories that are currently going on that are so similar to what I've lived through and the mistakes I made that could have had a completely different effect on things. Irregardless, I knew the D was going to happen so, I don't know, I just odn't feel right doing it anymore.

I don't know, I feel at my highest state of acceptance of the situation. If I could just get financially stable, I so want to get out on my own, once and for all.

Worst part is I just received a e-mail from a distant friend of mine saying his W stopped taking her meds that keep her emotionaly balanced during her monthly cycle, and she flipped out on him and proclaimed she wanted a D and started negotiating custody and all.

Really hit home. So, I'll give him my full on attention. He does have one heck of a temper on him and has been really stressed with work issues, so as any DB'r would suggest, take a long look at yourself, RIGHT NOW, before this gets any worse.

[kat727]

Though it certainly isn't a requirement, it seems as if the people that have been there help pull the newbie's through the process. If it isn't that it is a core group of friends that bond together and ride it out(thanks, lodo, Karen and gforce). We all may not come to the same place at the same time, and that is fine too.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If you want to later you can and just think of yourself as paying it forward. But really if you can't there isn't anyone out there keeping score. Just be good to yourself first or you can't help anyone.

kat

[dday101798]

I think it's just I need to take a break from it for a while, it's kind of "picking at the scabs" of wounds that are finally healing.

That said...

S12 is still on a tirade to have me "move home" and it's starting to take it's toll. My lord, my cell phone is messed up again and not holding a charge. S12 called my phone at least 3 times as well as the house phone again before I got home last night.

And of all things with exactly one week before school starts, XW has taken no initative to get them in the routine of getting to bed at set times yet. She sure was letting somebody have it last night tho. No idea what about.

On a side note, had a nice chuckle driving to work adn it is pouring buckets rain now for the second day in a row. I hope X-FIL is having a blast keeping water out the basement at 'our house' as I know it's a losing battle at this point since no-one's probably checked on the sump pumps this season.

[dday101798]

I think it's just I need to take a break from it for a while, it's kind of "picking at the scabs" of wounds that are finally healing.

Well, that notion didn't last long, back to sharing my two cents, eh well.

[dday101798]

Gosh darn it!

Responded to a thread that as usual sounded so similar to what I went through. The LBS had no choice but to protect his kids from the A and file for D but had been hopeful (as usual) that things would pan out.

So that got me to thinking of XW's new comments that the D is 'all my fault' because she wanted to drag it along "to think". I know it's a bunch of b/s because how can you think when you live with someone else, but still, makes me wonder of all the things I could have done differently and if the outcome would have still been the same. Probably, the M went completely toxic when she moved in with him in her father's house and her father said nothing of it.

The hindsight 20/20 is this was all planned out a long time ago with many conspirators. A lot of stuff still does not make any sense what so ever.

Guess that was just a random thought posting before I went and did something stupid like text her or anything, of which I have been stone cold on communicating with her. Tomorrow ought to be interesting when I pick up the kids. We haven't spoken at all since her blow up last Tuesday. And since I refuse to swap weekends with her sighting I have plans of my own, she'll want to know those plane of which is none of her business and will just rekindle her fire on the matter.

hehe, can't wait.