Dreams of a New Normal...

[davidswife]

I'd thank him for asking, but tell him you've already made plans.

But that's just me.

Stacy

[SmileysPerson]

So, of course he just manned up and sent me an email asking me to come out with him Saturday to the play...

thoughts?

Forgive me for saying so, but this doesn't seem so complicated to me.

What do you want to do?

Do you want to go to the play with Monsoor? If the answer is, "yes," then go. It's not the end of the world; it's not the beginning of a New Us. It's a play. You sit; you watch; you chat during intermission; you get up; you put your jacket on; you say, "That was great, thanks; see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya." And off you go.

If you're afraid his hand will wander over to your knee, and you don't want it to, if it wanders delicately pick it up and move it away. If you're afraid YOUR hand will wander over to his knee, either don't go or control yourself.

This isn't a Test. This isn't the thing that will break you up forever and bring you back together. It is a measure of how much you've really detached -- can you occupy the same space without falling back into the Old Patterns?

If, on the other hand, you're not sure; if you're not convinced you're in control of yourself; you're not convinced you won't slip into the Old Patterns, then say "Thanks, but I'm not sure we're ready for that yet."

And go by yourself.

[aliveandkicking]

I'm not worried about hanky panky, it isn't happening.

I am not feeling that this will make or break us...what "us" anyway?

I have a tough time picking a response and hitting send.

It is not so much about control as not really liking him right now, I guess.

I mean, I'm on the phone with a new accountant discussing the tax ramifications of child support etc and he's emailing me to come out with him...

I guess I just don't know what the point is.

I try to think of if I would go out with him if he were just one of many "hims" which he is at this point and I figure I'd say "sure, why not?" But seeing as he is the him that has devastated my life (although not so much cuz I'm happier now, maybe I should take him out and thank him) and he sure caused our kids some heartache...I dunno...

Is his ego just so distressed that he needs to know he can get me to go out with him if he tries hard enough?

Oh crappity crap, this doesn't feel like detachment...one point for him.

But, duuuuuuuuude, I have been handling sh*t so well...feels good.

Just this nagging thing of the guy who was but wasn't asking me out on a date...ggrrr...

Maybe I'll take another look at yesterday's list.

I have to admit, I'd really like Gucci's take on this.

Oh and the play is a friend's play...so weirdness there...I mean am I publicly displaying my approval of H's behavior? Does it matter?

[mindfull]

Is his ego just so distressed that he needs to know he can get me to go out with him if he tries hard enough?



Oh and the play is a friend's play...so weirdness there...I mean am I publicly displaying my approval of H's behavior? Does it matter?

AAK - I was thinking both of these things when I read your post a little while ago.

You have been doing so well. You and "we" both know that he is not a classic WAS... This guy is immature, flashy louse. THINK about where you've dug yourself out from. OF COURSE, he wants to go out with you, because you're no longer making yourself available to him , NOT BECAUSE (yet) he knows he screwed up, and wants to make nice.

AND, Gosh, do you want to validate the "okayness" of him, by being actively, publicly FRIENDY! I think not.

Oh, there's poor, AAK, accepting her breadcrumb of attention.

YOU ARE DOING SO GOOD! Your kids need you to continue being the pillar of stability. YOU need you to continue being the pillar of stability.

If there's a vote being taken, NO.

I'm just so impressed with how far you've come. A little glitz and shine your way is not always good.

[aliveandkicking]

Ok, so-

a) Thanks but I have other plans

b) Thanks but I don't think we're ready for that

c) Sure. (thought bubble-and then you can drop me again like a bad habit)

[RedSoxFan]

I'm not worried about hanky panky, it isn't happening.

I am not feeling that this will make or break us...what "us" anyway?

I have a tough time picking a response and hitting send.

It is not so much about control as not really liking him right now, I guess.

I mean, I'm on the phone with a new accountant discussing the tax ramifications of child support etc and he's emailing me to come out with him...

I guess I just don't know what the point is.

I try to think of if I would go out with him if he were just one of many "hims" which he is at this point and I figure I'd say "sure, why not?" But seeing as he is the him that has devastated my life (although not so much cuz I'm happier now, maybe I should take him out and thank him) and he sure caused our kids some heartache...I dunno...

Is his ego just so distressed that he needs to know he can get me to go out with him if he tries hard enough?

Oh crappity crap, this doesn't feel like detachment...one point for him.

But, duuuuuuuuude, I have been handling sh*t so well...feels good.

Just this nagging thing of the guy who was but wasn't asking me out on a date...ggrrr...

Maybe I'll take another look at yesterday's list.

I have to admit, I'd really like Gucci's take on this.

Oh and the play is a friend's play...so weirdness there...I mean am I publicly displaying my approval of H's behavior? Does it matter?

So I read through this last thread a couple of times and by the time I finished you seemed to answer your own question. I don't know you or your situation very well at all but 3 things jump out at me.

1) You don't seem detached.
2) You seem like an awesome person and I can't imagine you ever going out with a person that doesn't even ask in a genuine and compelling way.
3) You don't seem detached.

...and no you don't curse too much. Works fine for me

[aliveandkicking]

Oh, there's poor, AAK, accepting her breadcrumb of attention.

Excuse me while I vomit.

This just seems so sadistic...really.

But, I must say that he has changed a lot of his flashy behaviors. Not enough to convince me but a lot.

And, there does not appear to be OW...too much time on his hands, too much contacting me and NO action on facebook. But, anyway, back to not caring I go...

[RedSoxFan]

a) Thanks but I have other plans

This tells him not this time but to try again

b) Thanks but I don't think we're ready for that

This tells him that he's close and that it's OK the way he asked.

c) Sure.

This tells him that everything is OK.

[mindfull]

b) Thanks but I don't think we're ready for that

Someday I'd love to get to this point, but I'm just not yet. Until I feel I'm ready to share time with you, I'll thank you for the offer, and decline.

PS - But you can buy me a ticket so I can go alone! LOL

[RedSoxFan]

AAK - I was thinking both of these things when I read your post a little while ago.

You have been doing so well. You and "we" both know that he is not a classic WAS... This guy is immature, flashy louse. THINK about where you've dug yourself out from. OF COURSE, he wants to go out with you, because you're no longer making yourself available to him , NOT BECAUSE (yet) he knows he screwed up, and wants to make nice.

AND, Gosh, do you want to validate the "okayness" of him, by being actively, publicly FRIENDY! I think not.

Oh, there's poor, AAK, accepting her breadcrumb of attention.

YOU ARE DOING SO GOOD! Your kids need you to continue being the pillar of stability. YOU need you to continue being the pillar of stability.

If there's a vote being taken, NO.

I'm just so impressed with how far you've come. A little glitz and shine your way is not always good.

Yes. What MindBlank said.