Newbie (again)

[bearsfan45]

I want my car fixed

[dday101798]

I want my car fixed

Everybody, be calm, this is a hijacking!

lol

[dday101798]

You know, I'm becomming of the notion that being 'friends' may just not be possible for me and XW. I've been thinking of poetnetial reactions to make to situations and statements that may be made tonight. Intitially so I wouldn't open my big yap and piss her off again as the last we spoke almost 2 weeks ago now.

I don't know, through renewed silence, I more at peace with things. I guess as always, I was analyzing everything she'd say for a 'sliver of hope'. I haven't seen hardly any success stories of M that ended in D and everything all worked out in the end.

I think it's best to keep conversation if any short and to the point and not be an a-hole or anything, but carry the attitude that 'you say we can't be friends if you don't know every aspect of my life which I find ludicris after you told me you don't care about my life anymore when you divorced me'.

Think I'm gonna go bang my head into a brick wall for bit.

[karen43]

You know, I'm becomming of the notion that being 'friends' may just not be possible for me and XW.

Maybe. She hasn't been very friendly to you from what it sounds. Let her be pissed off. You have plans and you don't have to change them for her. You don't and shouldn't tell her what they are. None of her business. Be brief & polite and as my friend Kat told me, treat her like the mailman. Karen

[dday101798]

Well no sooner than I "give up" I stumble upon a thread from a WAW and her sitch and it breathed hope back into things.

But you are right Karen, I have and have no intention to tell her at all any of my plans, they are mine and mine alone.

[Dia]

Hi, there, dday,

I'm glad you're finding stuff to chew on in my sitch. Conversely, if you'd even consider taking your W back after D, well - that gives me hope, too.

Cheers,

Dia

[dday101798]

Hi Dia, thanks for stopping by.

Reading your story certainly gave me hope, and also brought me to a realization: the tables have turned and now XW finds herself the LBS, me the WAS.

My XW has done pretty horrific things to me during the course of the D. And yes, I would have taken her back, even post D. (in conversation even my kids knew that)

But, now? Well an update.

First and foremost, upon picking the kids Friday, I had opened the rear hatch of truck and noticed XW had stepped up behind me, I turned to give her "her" check and she looked like a PO'd stadium bull flaring at the nostrels. Never said one word to each other and that was the only time I looked at her for the whole 2 minutes she was there before storming off to the backyard.

Later on after dinner, THE UNFORGIVABLE. Myself, cousin and S11 set up a firepit and were roasting marshmellows. S12 wasn't to up on the idea an dI was curios. We started to talk about going to the zoo the next day and I said S12 was hairy like a monkey, they may try to keep him. S11 says, "we'll isn't he hairy because his REAL DAD is Italian?".

[insert image of nuclear warhead detonating]

Apparently, XW and OM are on the 'call OM dad' kick again. S11 put him in check and told him that he already has a dad. S12 however they are coaxing that since he "already has 2 dads, why not a third?".

She is absolutley right, we can not be friends.

Further more S11 said he "does not want to move downstate next year". I said he won't unless it's over my dead lifeless body, I have every say so in where they go, where they live and where they go to school. And if that's the plan, we will be back in court to get it straight. He said he already knew we are going back to court, "Mom's been planning it for a while".

There are quite a few things that flew around, but this is most prevelant.

Thus, that was 'probably' the last nail in the coffen. Dia, I'm not going to sit here and say that I would never take her back, but, a transformation has been officially made and I am no longer a LBS..........

XW is.

[Dia]

Ugh, Dday - sorry to hear all of that. The big diff for me and my H is that we were never, ever nasty to each other. Yes, now I'm the LBS, and yes, sometime I wonder if he's doing some of his withholding and a few other little things to 'punish' me, get revenge or if he's doing them just because it's something that I did.

Example: When I was feeling all lost and the pain of the R was so bad that I wasn't sure if I loved him, he would say "I love you" clearly wanting to hear it back. I would say "Thank you" instead, but say it sincerely.

I have said ILY once to him in the past few weeks. Wanna guess what he said?

Thank you.

[dday101798]

Well, the bottome line is, it's no longer my place to sit a relish the past. If XW wants to 'fix' things, it's her job now more than ever.

[dday101798]

Hindsight in posting to others, the most refreshing thing of my talks with my sons this weekend and time spent with family the same, everyone knows I did all I could. I endured every stab and stayed content for more, to get my family back together and the love of a woman that is quite apparent no longer exists.

Even my son said to me, dad, you deserve to be happy now, I don't blame you for letting go.

So, who knows, only time will tell if this is the slap in the face XW needed or not. I'm done with having inflicted upon and dealt from within, the pain of this whole ordeal.