Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

Well, the day one year ago XW and OM proclaimed their 'fondness' for each other in fornt of the whole entire town.

Going to take a nap and restart the day, had a bad day yesterday working on my cousin's van and feel like a complete failure. All tools neccessary, gone, sucked away by ex-FIL. Tried to do it the hard way, nothing but failure.

Broke ground rule one, do not make initial contact, but it was only because the local store had all the kids school supplies dirt cheap, only got a quick repsonse from XW. They've been down state all weekend long, so who knows if she'll stick to the agreement?

This sucks, wished that van would have just fallen on me alst night and ended it all.

[Reincarnated]

I have lived through many "brain re-boot" days. Hope you wake up with a change of outlook....

[mishka422]

Sleep dday....sleep and mindless movies help get you out of the 'crazies'.

[dday101798]

Waking up with a change of outlook seems to be the 'norm' these days for me

Guess I'm just getting frustrated and quietly upset since I haven't heard from teh boys in almost a week as usual.

[mishka422]

You can't call them?

[dday101798]

Calling them means calling her which unitl recently lead to no good and still not talking to boys, or if I did finally get to talk them they were standoff-ish due to XW in backround puttin gon one of her sobbing performances.

Also, calling them this weekend was not an option as they were out of town with OM and her attitude on the phone is always lack-luster under those circumstances.

And finally, I would like to see her encourage the kids to pick up the phone and call.

I also always get the notion I am "intruding" on her time when I make initial contact.

I think htis afternoon when she's on lunch, that's if she's even working I'll send a mesage asking if she have them call me tonight. But again, I hate making initial contaact and looking 'needy'

[mishka422]

Gotcha. Understood.

I wouldn't say it's being needy though. Wanting to talk to your children is natural and expected and necessary.

[Reincarnated]

You might want to set something up so that each of you has contact with the kids at a certain time of the day, every day. My x calls at 7 each night - I know it is him and don't go near the phone.
Who cares if she feels that you are intruding? They are your children, too. Call and ask to speak to them. If she starts a convo, you can say "I can't discuss that right now; I am calling for the kids." Then, be a broken record.

[dday101798]

I had asked my attornery if we could word a specific call schedule in the settlement as this has always been an issue.

However, sighting possible work or personal issues that may prohibit the contact due to the unforseen circumstance it woul dbe a waste of money to word in, and the first possible breech of the agreement should either of us get fiesty enough to take it back to court and waste even more money.

No, I opted for the civil, responsible parent route. When they are with me and upset about something or just want to talk or just even say "hi" to their mother, I 100% support it and let them know they can use any phone they chose. It seems very seldom that she encourages the same on her end.

[dday101798]

Day away yesterday, spent all day replacing about every aspect of a cousin's brake system on his 7 year old van he bought brand new that is in worse shape then the majority of any of the 15-20 year old clunkers I ever owned.

Despite the aggravation of the job and not having all the right tools as they were lost in the D, that was therapuetic. It's what I always used to do to get my mind off stuff and to gain a sense of accomplishment when a job got done.

Speaking of jobs, may finally have a line a part-timer. That would be nice, gain a little financial strenght back.

Low and behold in thick of the job yesterday, S12 finally calls. Acting strange, wanted me to pick him up tonight through Sunday. I could only talk to him for a few minutes as I had to get the van done and said I'd call him back, but when I got done, cleaned up and got back from dropping the van off, it was 11:30, don't think XW would have been too excited about that. He did call again later on at some point and left a message. Thus, I think XW is behind it and up to something, but maybe that's just me.

Other than that, just getting along but still doing good. A female friend invited me over for a drink tonight, but I think I will respectfuly decline as there's no doubt an agenda there and I'm finally emotioanly stable in repects to the up/down sense and don't need any disractions right now.