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sandi2 #1822353 08/20/09 02:04 AM
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Thanks sandi,

I know I haven't 'made it' yet. It's hard, very hard to to let go completely, you're right. But, although I haven't let go, I take a protective measure for myself and boys in her dealings.

It isn't easy by far, she is the mother of my children, and my life of 12 years, but it is passing, day by day.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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I am going to read your thread as soon as I get time. Hope I didn't sound like a smart-a$$ in my post. It just reached out and got me! Even though I am from the "other side of the fence", I do truly want to do what I can to help anyone who suffers from the actions of WAW or "almost" a WAW. I'm sure you have seen there are so many here on the board who seem to be in the same story. Isn't it amazing how they sound so much alike when you start reading them? However, each person's pain is their hurt and that makes it different for them. I hope I can talk to you soon.

Take care,
Sandi


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #1822421 08/20/09 03:54 AM
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Dylan--
Glad you came on here to vent and reach out, and not to her...

It is an ingrained thing you are changing, and it does take time, and it's really, really hard. I actually felt like I was going through withdrawal. The main thing that got me through it was to stop communication altogether - cold turkey. Only email. And, that took months. Now, I am still more comfortable with email, since it is much more difficult for x to push buttons that way. And, as time goes by, I have gotten stronger to resist the pull when he tries to justify all that happened on my head.

I know you want to co-parent. I know that I have been much better at that since going to email-only. You have to find the amount of direct communication with her that is workable - it is different for everyone. And can change as you grow stronger.

sandi2 #1822542 08/20/09 12:36 PM
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Hi Sandi,

I take no offense in anything you said, no worries.

And I especially appreciate the input of someone from 'the other side of the fence' as I do not fully understand that view. She really drives me up the wall, but I am getting better in dealing with it. I just can't believe XW had the brass stillto say some of the simply ludicris things she does. And in that, it's even more confusing as one minute she sees the err of her ways, and th next minute goes right back defending them.

Yes, it is absolutely amazing how similar the background off everyone's story is here depite their own uniqueness.

-dday


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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Donna,

Yeah, I'm patting myself on the back for keeping my cool. It's been a while since we've "argued" as such. That said, and as noted here, our communication had really really been coming around. And then there is this. I leave it up to her to reach out and start things up again on the communication.

Agreed, cold turkey, been there done that when things were conistantly bad and that is my stance now again. Just really bites that that is how she wants it, but that is her choice to live with again. I am done arguing the past. She has always loved to dig dead buried issues and kick them around. I'm done with that. The D is done, she got what she wanted and I didn't. Thus, I am entitled to 're-start' my life and move on. She just seems to have a real issue with the fact that she failed to realize that when you're divorced from someone, you know longer have a say so or right to know every aspect of their life.

Unfortunately, e-mail is not an option as she doesn't have it (at least as far as I know) and even she did, would not work for me as I need to hear or see her emotion to give credit to what is being said.

-dday


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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So, in hindsight on this event, I find it sad and comical all at the same time.

XW made her infamous statement of me being stuborn and bull-headed. Heh, I guess she forgot she is too and when all the dust cleared, we would laugh at how dang determined we were to have our way. Oddly enough thought, I did not'argue' back. I answered her question of which she stated over and over I didn't and stood my ground quietly and calmly.

Biggest thing in hindsight tho is how and why this conversation happened in the first place coincidently right after spending time with the inquired friend? Either as I've felt before XW is reading my posts here or someone is filtering her information and I have no ties with any of "our" friends anymore. Thus, this is intriguing.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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OHHHH, I forgot and will have to posts this in the quote thread as well.

For some reason or another XW was trying to make it sound as if her relation with OM wasn't all that serious,

"He has his place and I have mine, he's only here alot because he's my chauffer" (since she doesn't have a license)


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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So Sandi,

I read in another thread the "jealousy indicates attachment, and the more angerly or negatively that jealousy is displayed the more attached they still are".

So is this XW's way of saying she's still trying to cling on to something (me) despite all she's said and done, and even still while with OM?

She made it a point to articulate during the better part of the converation how much she was looking forward to getting her drivers liscence back as she "feels like a prisoner". Couple that with the statement that OM is her "chauffer". she also tried to downplay their relation, despite the engagement now never being put off in her terms.

And if so, being from your stance, what would be the wrong response from your LBS? I'm currently not giving her a response and darkened communication again. Wrong move? I don't think so, I think if it festers in her head for a while and she has no idea what I'm up to, she'll come back around on her own and try even harder to work at being friends?

It also goes to show, I've changed my ways and not fought back, despite her insisting I did. I opted to terminate the conversation on several occasions.

thanks for any input
-dylan


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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Great,

A buddy of mine who really helped me keep my head on, well best I could when everything fell apart just texted me that he and his W are having issues and she's acting weird.

Uggh, what is wrong with the world these days? Wasn't Obama supposed to save us? crazy


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,532
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It's in the water.......DON'T DRINK THE WATER!!!!!!











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