Think of a short phrase you can remember easily such as this one from Shakespeare's Henry the VI.
"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."
Now just write the first letter from each word.
Tftwdlkatl
Total gibberish, difficult to hack, but easy to remember.
Last edited by orangedog; 08/11/0905:45 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
So, how best to handle S6's birthday is on the table. Most of my family has not seen H and wants to rip his nuts off. He also has new friends who S want to invite...
I would make it low key. Maybe have the party at a park where the expense is low, guests can come and go and it's a neutral site. Instead of ripping them off get a pinata, let H spin everyone and you give your family a Louisville Slugger and a blindfold with holes in it. You can handle it. Cheers ps Save the tequila for later.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Alright so, yay for me, I am detached to the extent that I can even see pictures of H with other women and it doesn't bother me. F*cking free at last.
Now, I have made it clear to H that I am moving on and I am. I am open to dating, I am actively pursuing job opportunities, looking for a place to live, reconnecting with friends, doing my thang. I have about a 1-2% window of "what if..." which I am more than comfortable living with...I don't pine for him.
My general feeling is that I don't care to speak to him, see him, interact with him. It is not hostile, just sane IMO. However, the more detached I am, the more he finds reasons to connect with me (re: kids etc), things I really don't need to be involved in or discuss. I rarely take his calls. And, I have been pretty adept at handling his reactions. For example "Oh so you're ignoring my calls, funny." To which I respond, "No H, just busy and email is more convenient for me." But he persists, wants the banter and the contact.
Today he sent a text about someone he wants to hook me up with to help with promoting my biz, someone who is a "good friend" of his. Now, I don't want any drama or enmeshment with him so I didn't answer and was going to come on here first but he texted again about it. So, I said for him to give her my info. He said that she wants to know x,y and z. I said I'd be happy to talk to her and that way he wont be in the middle and "I think that is best, don't you?" He texted "Ok AK," that he is just trying to help and he is not in the middle. I said thanks again and "I think what I said is reasonable" and "all good." I like how I handled it. I am not really in a position to refuse "help" but I will not partake in anything that involves him, I am wary of even doing business with anyone who knows him but he knows EVERYONE so I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face...
Now, on the D front. Not only do I not have money for a lawyer right now, I don't have money to pay the bills and H is bugging ME about getting a job while his income is plummeting as he chases his dream and lives life in Lalaland. I had it out with him last week and really told him what I thought about his lack of awareness and drive to man up and take care of his family (he can make at least 4-5 times what I can because he has built his career with me by his side for 14 years). But, I am done chiding him. If he was that guy who put his family first, we'd still be together. So, I am looking for work and accepting that at some point soon we will make a legal agreement and settle the issue of what he owes me. I am over trying to make it "fair". I made my choices and he made his and as long as I am represented, I will take my allotment and move on.
In the meantime, I don't like him or really respect him. I don't want to know about his life or his happenings or his "opportunities". I want him to "show me the money" or shut the f*ck up (I can be honest here, right?)...
So, what I really want here from you is guidance and support on how to maintain civility and set my boundaries at the same time. I am doing pretty good. But, every once in a while, he throws me off or I feel either too defensive or I feel a tiny bit of that "how should I play this" nonsense (that 1-2% agenda thingy)...in a perfect world we would find a way to step up for each other and love each other BUT that is not even within the realm of possibility at this juncture and I have accepted that I can have an awesome life without him. I don't want to operate with the DB agenda, I want to take care of myself and do what is best for me and my kids. I believe that civility with diligent boundaries are the healthiest choices for my kids (if it were just me, we'd have ZERO contact).
In short (LOL), I am detached and detaching and he wants to win points with me, ingratiate himself to me and the kids, look good to his friends ("see, she's happy and I'm a good guy hooking her up with work")...thoughts on navigation?
What helped me keep a cordial and respectful relationship with my kids' dad, was what I refer to as "The Cousin Paradigm".
Imagine a cousin that you've known for a long time, part of your family, you care about this cousin and want the best for him. That being said, you're not enmeshed in his life, he can come and go, and that's okay.
So, your STBX is now the main variable in "The Cousin Paradigm". I don't know if this helps you, but it really helped me to be able to "name" the new stage of our relationship.
Also, his renewed interest in you is pure WAS "script". It will get more intense so buckle up.
And, not to speak for 25, we all know it's not working for him -- he is unable to help himself.
I'm taking a break from him. My BIL is in the last weeks of his battle with cancer, and I just don't have the energy to spare. Dealing w/his death, and then reading the daily nonsense that Kevin spews -- can't do it.
Also, his renewed interest in you is pure WAS "script". It will get more intense so buckle up.
Oh ya! That is why I'm here. I see it coming and I want to "handle it". And like I said, I get these truly itty bitty sneaky feelings of "if I handle it right, things might work out." But, I don't want those feelings pulling my strings. I am ultra aware of my level of detachment and when I am vulnerable.
I am ok and I am going to be ok. I have NO idea what is coming next for me but I am ok. Hallelujah!
I sort of see H as a crazy neighbor or Uncle I have to deal with but you and I both know it is a tad trickier and the stakes for the kids are a bit higher...
bar, I have to ask if you know what this,