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Hi goingtofixME. I'm definitely getting it. Having the two young ones to co-parent requires me to be a bit more conscious of how I handle my relationship and our rapport. If I could just x him out that would be optimal but, I know that in reality, my kids will fare better if we are at least civil. It is just different.

What I really need help with here is the reality of communicating with him not the wishful thinking that I can just make him disappear. It is easy to make general assessments of what I need to do but in reality, there are so many little traps and pitfalls and these little kids in the middle.

Anyway, the most important thing is that I am detached and not pining for him. Above all else, I have my mind and soul back...the rest will work out.



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Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking


Today I made what felt like a Kevin style mistake...




AK,

If you start turning into Kevin, I'll kill myself.

These boards cannot take another Kevin.

Stacy


Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15
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LOL!!!!!!! Not gonna happen!!! And I'm not gonna tell you that H was nice to me and I think there's a chance...

My only MO is care of myself and my kids and the lunch seemed to be positive for my kids. That's it. And FYI, I was more than happy once it was over. I'm not looking for "opportunities to shine"...

OMG...you really gave me a good laugh. And with all due respect, I feel bad making fun because I understand Kevin and he is living according to his beliefs and how he is intrinsically motivated. Regardless of what we think or if we make fun of it, that is his comfort zone. All the power to him, really. Just would NEVER work for me.



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Who is Kevin? don't make me search, I'm lazy right now... what did he do?

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Originally Posted By: theroadback
Who is Kevin? don't make me search, I'm lazy right now... what did he do?


LOL. In a nutshell, Kevin's religious zealotry has kept him from detaching and focusing on himself. He basically can't detach IMO because he doesn't believe in divorce or that he can ever remarry...it is a church thing. Apologies to Kevin for my oversimplification.

When he makes progress, the slightest gesture of decency from his wife sets his heart aflutter and he seems to live for those moments IMO.

Anyway, whereas, I should not have been available to have lunch with my H, I didn't have the presence of mind to say no...just went in for it. Kevin will rarely miss an opportunity to see his W...it is always a chance to fix it or make a better impression.

I feel kind of cruel referring to him but I do learn so much about what not to do and where I do not want to be emotionally by reading his thread. If it works for him, all the power to him.

He is K4D...I think.



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That would be me.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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Good for you, chiming in Kevin. I hope you know that I KNOW that you have to do what you have to do...it is YOUR life.

We do all learn a lot from you.



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Glad I can be an educational resource.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
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[quoteJust would NEVER work for me. [/quote]

Um, it's not working for him, either.


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But I agree, that his sitch is very compelling as far as what not to do.

In fact I've told a couple people to read his thread and then do the opposite.

And then he posted that he agreed. I hope he's getting it!!


Me - 45
D - 19
D - 17
S - 14
S - 13



Final - 1/15
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