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karen43 #1815089 08/08/09 02:59 AM
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Hi, Karen, thanks for looking in on me. I'm mostly over my cold now. And I'm still awaiting word of whether we are settled this custody dispute as yet. At the very last minute yesterday, I got word that xW had finally agreed to signing the consent order. But as of now there is still no word that xW has signed anything.

I feel like I'm back in limbo again, not knowing which way or another how things will turn out.

The good news is that I got my sons back this evening -- I really missed them this week!


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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will keep you in my prayers NC__)))))


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
cat03 #1815455 08/09/09 01:41 AM
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Thanks, Cat!


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
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Hello, all,

I wanted to report on the custody suit that xW filed against me to try to wrest sole custody of our two S's. I will first recap by saying that five months after she decided to break off negotiations and file the lawsuit, she suddenly decided in the closing weeks before the custody hearing to say she would consider settling her case. She said she would agree to the status quo of 50-50 shared parenting if I would give up some of the clauses in the proposed agreement.

I have had a hard time believing xW (still don't) or her motives, especially that she would suddenly want to settle a case she had been doggedly pursuing. After all, she was the one who filed the suit to begin with, right when we were finalizing the settlement and parenting agreement.

xW's L and my L continued to negotiate for a settlement, even when xW seemed to be getting cold feet. There was also a last minute wrinkle (that I will speak more on later) that raised xW's ire and led me to believe that she would again bail out of negotiations.

In the end, we gave some concessions to xW but she did agree to the terms for 50-50 shared parenting as long as there was an assigned parenting coordinator (PC).

So, I am quite relieved to report that we have both signed the agreement and it was presented to the judge during our scheduled custody hearing yesterday (Friday, the 14th). This battle is now over. It does not necessarily mean the war is really over however, but I am at last at peace.

I have a lot of people to thank for all their continuing prayers. Folks here in the DB forums, my support group, my friends and family.

---

About that "wrinkle".

Let's just say that xW recently discovered how I initially gained the intel about her and the OM two years ago on the night of "the bomb". That fateful night I discovered and subsequently commandeered a free email account she had opened up to have illicit conversations with the OM. Only now is xW understanding just how much information I had gleaned about her treachery. And she is upset about it, claiming I violated her privacy and that what I did was a "cyber-crime".

What's maddening is that I had told her two years ago that I had discovered their emails to each other, and that was how I knew about their affair. But I guess she just doesn't really listen like she thinks she does. Instead she had to rediscover this old forgotten account.

I am relieved that she decided not to use this to back out of signing the consent order this week.

But she did raise this matter up again today in another snide email remark, so she is still very much upset about it. I have my own serious beefs against her, as expected, but I am putting those aside. So I've decided that on this and any other matter that doesn't concern our children that I will refrain from responding.

--

I have related on other people's threads how I am struggling with xW's continually foisting of OM on our S's lives. My S's were both going on and on last week about how "Mr. OM" would roughhouse with them in the swimming pool. Not only do I not like the fact this unsavory person is trying to worm his way into my S's lives but I especially do not appreciate a strange man touching my sons for extended periods, whether in play or not. It is not his place, and it is totally inappropriate.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
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I, too, discovered my H's affair on email. There was a nice little timeline laid out there, and it was clear that he was the pursuer. Once she said "yes," it took him less than 48 hours to end our marriage.

The interesting thing is that he considered my reading his emails to be crossing a much bigger boundary than his leaving his family for another woman. And so did his family and many friends. For the life of me, I'm not sure I'll ever understand that. And it was his "reason" for moving out and changing his mind from separation to divorce--within 2 days of the bomb, and on my birthday.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
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Quote:
he considered my reading his emails to be crossing a much bigger boundary than his leaving his family for another woman.


Yeah, I don't think I'll ever understand that either, but that's precisely the attitude I'm getting from xW. For some cockeyed way of thinking, xW would have us believe that her adultery, treachery and deceit -- not to mention having her own mother spy on me -- is only a slight offense as compared to me "stealing" some of her emails.

Quote:
And it was his "reason" for moving out and changing his mind from separation to divorce--within 2 days of the bomb, and on my birthday.


Wow, that's harsh. That's worse than my getting the bomb just two days before Father's Day. But such words as these WAS come up with are just excuses for proceeding with what they were going to do anyway.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
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Quote:
Wow, that's harsh. That's worse than my getting the bomb just two days before Father's Day. But such words as these WAS come up with are just excuses for proceeding with what they were going to do anyway.

yeah--it was also a couple of days before our anniversary and a couple of days after I found out I'd be losing my job. He'd been trying to pick a fight for weeks and I finally took the bait--and he used it as an excuse to launch into the bomb. But I also have little doubt that he timed it for maximum damage as well--and then blamed it on me. Still does, as a matter of fact, almost a year and a half later. Makes you wonder if they'll continue the self-deceit forever.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
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Quote:
Makes you wonder if they'll continue the self-deceit forever.


I sincerely believe that mainly serves to harm themselves. How could it not?


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
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Posts: 2,608
I don't know. xH is thriving--this hasn't hurt his career, his financial status or his relationships with friends and family. D13 reports he is quite happy. For now, anyway, it doesn't seem to be hurting him at all (meanwhile D and I are struggling!) I trust that eventually it will catch up with him--but I gave up on karma awhile back.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,580
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Posts: 2,580
Quote:
xH is thriving


For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

It does seem sometimes that the world of Man rewards sin. I've actually had my xW mock and jeer me for being alone, split off from her and struggling. She said, "So how's that workin' out for ya', huh?", as if I had been the one who had wanted to end our M, split our family, lose our home, ruin our finances.

They say the best revenge is to lead a good life. But then as a Christian I need to remember that we're not to think of such things as revenge, ... but to store up our treasures in Heaven.

Love your D, HM. Take care of yourself and find the true blessings in your life. That's the best anyone can hope for.




Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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