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K4D #1818263 08/13/09 03:47 AM
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Quote:
Please think about this and answer me. What if you found a man was obsessing about one of your daughters the way you obsess about your W? This man had every thought, action and motivation to somehow be with one of your daughters despite the fact the daughter in question has made it perfectly clear she wants NOTHING to do with this man. Yet, this man keep doing the same thing. Wouldnt that frighten you? Wouldnt you want that to stop and stop at once? Wouldnt you go to any measure to make sure it did stop?


CG, if my daughter was married to him and there was no physical danger, I would suggest he find a way to work on his issues. If my daughter did not want to be around him for a period of time I would be fine with separation but with the understanding that marriage is for life and if you separate it should be for each of them to work on themselves to better the marriage down the road.

There is a big difference between that and say her wanting a D and sleeping around and trying to remarry someone else. I would be extremely disapointed in her if she pulled that. You don't walk out on a M and be with someone else just because things got tough. You always find a way to work out whatever needs to be worked out or worked on. I will expect that from my daughters.

I don't support D for myself and I won't for my daughters either. Separation for a period of time til things are fixed yes. D, no.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1818270 08/13/09 03:55 AM
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Kevin - I was not talking about your D's and being married or separated. I am talking about a man mentally stalking your D as you do your W at ANY age. If she told you it made her uncomfortable, stifled, sick and frightened would you still say "well, stay separated but work it out?". No! Your d's comfort would be your FIRST priority (or it should be).

Your D's will be teenagers soon and this case scenario is likely. Would you tell a teenage boy to "work on his issues". No. Hopefully you would tell him in a firm fashion to get lost and leave your D alone. That is what your W is telling you now. Walk in her shoes (her = your W) for an hour, day, week and really think about it.

It goes way beyond "working on issues".

I was trying to illustrate a point which clearly you missed.

K4D #1818271 08/13/09 03:57 AM
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Honestly Kevin I don't agree with D either but if I had a daughter and you were acting around her the way you come across on the board I would encourage her to get as far away as possible. You really need to get control of your self and your daughters need help to get through this cause as far as I can see they are not getting it at home.


"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
GoBison #1818284 08/13/09 04:17 AM
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If not married, that is a whole other story. He would need to leave if they are not married.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1818433 08/13/09 01:50 PM
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I think one of the differences is that a lot of you think in the end if it doesn't work out, there is someone else out there for you. I don't subscribe to that phylosophy as I believe one marriage one time til death due you part. So because of that, I feel like if things don't work with my W, thats it. I had my shot and lost and I hate to think like that. I don't want that to be my future.

For what it is worth,

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1818490 08/13/09 03:01 PM
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So I think about her a lot. I don't see how that is me mentally stocking her. I miss her. I love her. I want things to be repaired between us. And I worry that she will never come back. I worry about being without her the rest of my life. I lack faith sometimes. But I am not mentally stocking her.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1818496 08/13/09 03:08 PM
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Quote:
And I worry that she will never come back. I worry about being without her the rest of my life.


She is not coming back. It's over.

Find someone else to love. You will suddenly be healed.

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Rather than thinking about what you LACK, think about what you have. You radiate "lacking" and sense of regret and loss, and that begets more lacking. Instead of radiating gratitude or any joy for the life you DO have, which presently does NOT include your wife, you radiate what you think you need.

A new definition of insanity I read the other day applies. "Insanity is you thinking you need what you don't have". Meaning, You don't have your wife and YET your heart still beats and your eyes still see and the world did not stop. The earth still turns, and life does go on. If you want to remain in a "committed relationship alone", fine. She may remarry and you have NO control over that. Clinging to the thought that she will return if only you pray and believe, has done nothing to bring her closer to you.

Regardless,it is HIGH TIME for you to focus on what you do have and make the best of it NOW and look around....Start focusing on what you DO HAVE in your life. Such as a job, two healthy kids (who have not been your true priority). But you have to step up now and "make what you've got, hot" to you. Find the joy and love you can have in your life with or without your wife or another woman if that's how you choose. It does seem like falling on a sword to me, b/c frankly, I think the thought of dating just terrifies and tires you....) Who knows? Like I said, if you want to be single and celibate the rest of your life that is your choice. There is still joy all around and possible for you.

You live in a good area for business and you are healthy. That puts you in the top 5% of the world's population. Want to be crazy and miserable? Keep thinking about how you "need" what you don't have....and focus all the time on it, b/c you "just can't stop".... tired

j-


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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in one ear out the other......

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Kevin. Why do you think everyone on here is encouraging you to go to AA??? Why because you are an ADDICT!!!! You are ADDICTED to ALCOHOL. Not only are you ADDICTED to ALCOHOL YOU are ADDICTED TO YOUR WIFE. You have an ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY AND MINDSET. WHICH IS DESTROYING YOUR LIFE. Stop being an ADDICT!!! Hence ==== AA - 12 Steps. Learning to ACCEPT what you do have. Just like 25, CG and countless others have been saying.

This is NOT rocket science. You are an ADDICT. If not Alcohol your W. If not your W and Alcohol. Religion... Fix Kevin being an ADDICT ===== Kevin's LIFE CHANGES.... ===== Kevin is NO LONGER CODEPENDENT ON ANYONE OR ANYTHING ====== KEVINS GIRLS ARE NOT SCREWED UP AND BECOME CO-DEPENDENT OR ADDICTS.....

THIS IS NOT JUST ABOUT FIXING KEVIN. THIS IS ABOUT FIXING KEVINS LIFE AND EVERYONE THAT HAS BEEN EFFECTED BY IT.

DIG DEEP KEVIN!!! THIS IS THE FINAL ROUND!!!! Picture Apollo Creed yelling to you like he did Rocky in Rocky3. "There is NO TOMORROW!!! There is NO TOMORROW!!! CARPE DIEM!!!! LIVE IN THE PRESENT!!! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GO STRAIGHT TO THE NEAREST AA MEETING!!! AND DONT STOP GOING UNTIL YOU REALIZE YOU NEED TO BE THERE. YOU DONT HAVE A CHOICE. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!! YOUR DAUGHTERS LIVES DEPEND ON IT. YOUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT!!!

Enough said. NO MORE EXCUSES!!! JUST DO IT!!!! NO SURRENDER!!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

PMA

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