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K4D #1870419 11/09/09 04:51 PM
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Quote:
Tell us what you learned from your experience last night. Have you gained any new perspective on where your W was coming from? Have you gained any new perspective on yourself and your situation?


CG,

I don't condone what happened last night. Like I said, I am ashamed to even admit it. But I am being honest. I will say this, if me and W had not been the way we have been for the past year, I would never have been drawn into this as I was always 100% faithful to her and made sure I never allowed myself to be put in a situation where this could happen.

That being said, yes, I do see the high of another person that just totally draws you into them. But also like I said, I am struggling with it today because I know it is wrong. Ultimately it will not work out because I can't drop my W for someone else. But it was a real high last night. It is a moral issue for me that I am struggling with. I really liked her. But I know that this is not something I can pursue. At the same time, I know that if I continue to go out with her, she will just draw me in closer and I know my guards will drop around her and that is not something I want to happen.

Like I said, I am struggling emotionally because of this.

In some ways, I can understand what my W felt as our R was not where it should have been for her. In other ways, I still don't condone it because I know this would never have happened if we were together.

It is a tough struggle right now.

SM, no I did not open mouth kiss her.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1870420 11/09/09 04:54 PM
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TrentC,

While I wasn't looking to get 2x4'd here. I will admit that it is something I should be getting for allowing myself to be drawn in by her.

She knows that I am separated and that things right now are about as bad as they can be between me and my W. She is also D'd and can understand the situation.

Ugg.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1870422 11/09/09 04:57 PM
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I am not looking to get beat up for this. But on the other hand, I know I have it coming.

It totally contradicts everything I have been standing for and everything I have said. I am really torn up today about it.

I think I am just looking for perspective more than anything on what happened.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1870423 11/09/09 04:59 PM
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Positives, I guess if you want to look at it this way. It totally took my mind off of my W and yes, I felt different than I have in a long time. I felt confident and I felt like I have something to offer and I felt like I still am worthwhile to someone.

Negatives, it was wrong.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1870433 11/09/09 05:05 PM
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I should not have allowed myself to get caught up emotionally in her. But she was so awesome and I have just felt alone for so long that I guess I just let my guard drop.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1870438 11/09/09 05:09 PM
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She blew off other guys that were hitting on her last night to keep being with me. I really didn't even pursue her. Infact I even got kind of cocky with her and that just seemed to draw her in more to me. I didn't brag about myself like the other guys were. The other guys really turned her off. She was really looking to be with someone genuine and I guess with me not pursuing her, it just made her more interested in me.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
K4D #1870441 11/09/09 05:10 PM
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Originally Posted By: K4D
It totally contradicts everything I have been standing for and everything I have said. I am really torn up today about it.


You shouldn't be; it is a simple choice.

If you want to keep standing for your marriage, tell this woman that you can't be more than friends with her right now.


Me: 44, Wife: 39
M: 17 years T: 20 years
Bomb on 08/25/09
1/13/10: MC started
1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs
8/28/10: Wife moved out
No talk of D, no movement

"Every day is another chance to get it right."
TrentC #1870448 11/09/09 05:17 PM
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TrentC,

I do want to keep standing for my M. And I need to tell her I can't be anything more than friends.

I guess I just grew weak. She was so captivating. I am just really struggling because I am tired of being alone and she was like a new breath of fresh air. She made me feel alive again. That is hard to just turn off even though I know it is wrong and it totally contradicts my stand. It is like I don't want it, but I do. This is a real struggle in me.

Kevin


Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...
TrentC #1870455 11/09/09 05:23 PM
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So you talked to a woman at the bar. It made you feel good about yourself. Something distracted you from what is going on for one night. I really don't see it as a big deal. You weren't talking about having kids and getting married you just simply talked about everyday things.

Let her know that you aren't interested in a relationship and leave it at that. Don't allow yourself to be alone with her again. Don't make it out for more than it is.

It will almost be like you are DBing her and she may come after you more.


"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
K4D #1870456 11/09/09 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted By: K4D
I guess I just grew weak. She was so captivating. I am just really struggling because I am tired of being alone and she was like a new breath of fresh air. She made me feel alive again. That is hard to just turn off even though I know it is wrong and it totally contradicts my stand. It is like I don't want it, but I do. This is a real struggle in me.


You know that life (or Satan, if you prefer) is going to throw temptation into your path, to make you question your path. He knows that you are weak and lonely.

So make your choice.


Me: 44, Wife: 39
M: 17 years T: 20 years
Bomb on 08/25/09
1/13/10: MC started
1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs
8/28/10: Wife moved out
No talk of D, no movement

"Every day is another chance to get it right."
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