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#1817779 - 08/12/09 04:15 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
ppenton Offline
Member

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 590
Loc: Illinois
Seems you are still obsessing about your W and not really learning anything here. God has given you many great gifts and you just don't seem to know how to accept them or even realize they are there for you. You still are trying to win back your W and the changes you are trying to get her to see are not real so they will not stick and everyone knows it, even your W. Start again to concentrate on YOU and YOUR girls.
_________________________
Me-44
WAW-42 (ILYBNILWY)
S-16
S-14
M-10/17/1992 T23
Met OM 10/10/08; Bomb 12/27/08; Moved in with OM 01/27/09
Me stronger and happier everyday!

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#1817841 - 08/12/09 05:54 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: ppenton]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11072
Personally I think you messed up. Especially this part...

"I also told her to go ahead and trade in the van and I would sign over the title to make sure she is taken care of."

This is something you know you didn't want to do, but because she threw a hissy fit, you caved in.

Do you remember what your friend told you about how you seem weak or insecure, no confidence? Well that's the perfect example right there. Don't cave in when you no it's not right. It's what being a man and an assertive individual is all about.

Just do your own thing. I don't know how many times people have been trying to tell you this.

She knows she can get her way with you. Is that the kind of man she said she wanted?
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1817844 - 08/12/09 05:59 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: MrBond]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
Its going to cost thousands to fix the van. I don't feel like footing the bill. Whatever she can get for it is fine.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1817856 - 08/12/09 06:12 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
CityGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/20/09
Posts: 2612
It shouldnt matter how much it will cost to fix the van as the van is HER problem. She isnt footing the bill(s) for your vehicle therefore there would be no need for you to foot the bills for her car.

Its very easy to get your name removed from the title of a vehicle pending your bank loan is paid in full. Again, some simple research on your part could have made a huge difference.

You could have said "W, I understand the fix you are in with the van and the repairs but I feel its best for me to have my name removed from the title before you take any further action with repairs or the purchase of a new vehicle".

Its these snap decisions that get you in trouble. As I understand it there isnt any sort of "legal separation" in Texas but you can create a temporary agreement. I know this because I have a friend who lives in Texas who is about to go through a very messy divorce. Both my friend and her H had a temporary agreement drawn up so EVERYTHING was clearly spelled out with finances, vehicles, the home and so on. It protects you, your W and your kids until some legal formalities are initiated.

It doesnt really matter what you "feel like" paying for or not. Without some sort of temporary agreement that is signed and legally binding what you "feel like" doing wont mean squat.

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#1817859 - 08/12/09 06:17 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10751
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: K4D
Well yes, but I mean as far as pulling myself out of the immediate fire with her also.

Kevin


WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT YOUR W NOW??? WORK ON YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR D'S....My God, you are so stubborn & resistant. WTH???

Did you look up the word PATHOLOGICAL? It = "Diseased" b/c your obsession with your wife IS just that. Enough.

Let her go so she can find herself and you can work on you. You obviously are not capable of the work you need to do, with her in your mind and heart all the time. You have no boundaries and you don't respect hers. The whole rolling your eyes and yanking d7's hand AT THIS POINT, is just not progressing. The money issues....did you actually join a health club? As if you can't exercise without that? And yes eating out is a huge cost that most people do not realize b/c they think $5 is not a lot for their meal, but that same $5 would buy a lot of chicken, spend another dollar and get a pound of rice, spend another $2-3 and buy canned vegetables or some fresh carrots or what's on sale, and for under 10$ you can make 2 dinners for ALL 3 of you. (Why do I think those sentences just flew by? Oh I know, b/c they don't relate to your w...)

And find some AA meetings during the day or before work b/c there are a lot of them. You might find a "nooners" meeting near your work.[b] Just get there.


I am praying your d's stay centered, somehow, and that they'll have friends and can find some happiness at this HARD time in their lives b/c middle school sucks for girls! It's hard enough in the best of times. Let alone worrying about their father's sadness and hopelessness...which of course affects them at a deep level.

I have a 12 y/o D and I fear for her in middle school. I really do. And my daughter knows people in her school, and she has friends already. And we, her parents, are together. And still, I worry for her. So when your focus is overwhelmingly on your pain and anger and frustration with your wife, it's clear your d's are not the priority they should be. That's why you haven't gotten them into c yet, BUT you make sure you meet with a priest who makes you feel better....

Why don't you rent the movie "Mean Girls" and talk with your daughters about it. Listen to them and their reactions....the film is about high school but it relates to middle school too, big time and is about girls. LISTEN to their fears and wait for them to talk about it...they will at some point. Please do not reject their feelings b/c feelings are spontaneous reactions we cannot control. Our actions, yes we control our reactions and what we do with our feelings, but feelings themselves are not moral choices. They are just feelings. Let your ds tell you how they feel.

Did you read CG's post? Did you READ IT and think about it?
J-[/b]
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#1817862 - 08/12/09 06:23 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11072
Why would you have to foot the bill when she's driving it? Let her worry about it. She didn't care where you were even going to live when she kicked you out of the house.

There's a line between being compassionate and being a tool. You are being the ultimate tool for her. Look at the people who succeeded at DB-ing. They were able to let the WAS see the consequences of their actions. No rescuing. They have no qualms about leaving us in the mud, yet when they find themselves in trouble they turn to us for help. But if they are rescued, they really don't learn anything.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#1817878 - 08/12/09 06:40 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: MrBond]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
I am signing the title over to her. Its up to her what she wants to do with it. My name will be off of it. I'm not rescuing her from the van. I'm not paying a dime towards it. Its all on her. I'm just getting my name off of it.

Quote:
Did you read CG's post? Did you READ IT and think about it?


Yes, I did.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1817884 - 08/12/09 06:51 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
Quote:
Why don't you rent the movie "Mean Girls" and talk with your daughters about it. Listen to them and their reactions....the film is about high school but it relates to middle school too, big time and is about girls. LISTEN to their fears and wait for them to talk about it...they will at some point. Please do not reject their feelings b/c feelings are spontaneous reactions we cannot control. Our actions, yes we control our reactions and what we do with our feelings, but feelings themselves are not moral choices. They are just feelings. Let your ds tell you how they feel.


I think they have seen it. But it would be worth renting again and watching it with them so we can talk about it. Another good idea.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1817886 - 08/12/09 06:53 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
Quote:
(Why do I think those sentences just flew by? Oh I know, b/c they don't relate to your w...)


They didn't fly by. I generally try and eat at home with them. Its when I am buy myself that I usually go eat somewhere.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1817893 - 08/12/09 07:00 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
Steve McQueen Offline
Member

Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 1866
Originally Posted By: K4D
Any advice?


Like the evil house said in Amityville, 'GET OUT!'

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