Good to hear from you. Don't worry, being cautious has been my mode for so long now! I keep thinking about the ways that will best help him to move towards me in the gentlest and most natural way.
Re the texts I also notice that when I need help to take the kids to appointments there were 3 phases-What do you want me to do about it? then I can't, I'm busy and now ok or I have an appointment but I'll see if I can change it. It's good to look back and see the progress.
H called in to see the kids as they are quite sick. Under doctor advice I have been staying in the kitchen or my bedroom while the kids are in the living room as I have surgery next week and I need to stay well. H said I was getting a bit paranoid. His insensitivity disappointed me, I must admit.
You're right! The selfishness still shocks me sometimes. I guess it's because I see improvements and although I tell myself to have no expectations, I still do. Anyway, he did text me later in the evening and he seemed fine. He does seem keen to keep the status quo.
The kids are great but they are pretty sick, esp s17 who has been ill since sunday. I went to the doctor tonight and got some preventative medication just so I can stay in the best possible condition ready for surgery. I have been waiting for my surgery for 7 months so I don't want to put it off now.
Thanks for asking about my surgery. I'm excited and a bit scared about it! It's the beginning of a whole new phase for me.
Remember you need to develop a duck’s back. Recognise that he’s being insensitive and move on, try not to obsess (that might be just me). Insensitivity may be his personality – you know best was he like that before? I think that the WAS doesn’t always want to hear about bad things that are happening to us – it makes them feel guilty.
And does it really matter what he says (he probably didn’t consider his words before he spoke), your health is more important. Keep well.
Just popped in to see how you're doing. And add my bit (just can't keep my nose out sometimes).
Originally Posted By: JCJ
WAS's can be really insensitive sometimes. They are just no longer in tune with us and we are hyper-sensitive (I speak of myself here!).
JCJ - hypersensitive is an understatement. I was told last night (I didn't ask) that my W living with female "friend" is now starting to have fights in public with "friend". WooHoo. Love it.
In my case this looks very positive because my W was depending on "friend" for everything even down to pocket money and cigarettes.
Sorry to digress from your thread. End of ad break.
Bonny, I think H has always had the tendency to put himself first although he's not generally insensitive.
While he doesn't want me to get sick he is more concerned about his own health. He can't offer to take the kids or help out not because he wouldn't want to help me but because he is concerned he will get sick and he has an important exam coming up. So by saying I'm paranoid it helps his conscience when he doesn't visit the kids or help me out.
Mac, when you make reference to the sensitivity do you think that's a male/female difference or do you think this was just me being super sensitive?
Thanks, Julia. I have preventative medication but no vitamins allowed before surgery.
Today I'm feeling annoyed and I'm about to dump! I have loads to do to get organised for hospital, trying to clean and organise the house and plan for my work tasks to be reassigned as well trying to ensure I stay well and also trying to care for the kids who are both still very sick. They never get sick so this is a shock to us all!
Where is h? There's the occasional text or phone call to the kids and the 5 minute visits (can't stay longer in case he gets ill!!) No calls to me to offer practical assistance by making some soup, going to get groceries etc etc. I know I'm expecting too much from him but I feel cheesed off that I have to take responsibility for it all. Venting only!!
.