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#1813720 - 08/05/09 05:08 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: vickyd]
Yoyowife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 5666
Mdoodles,
Sadly, you do get to the point you see more bad in them, than good. A few years ago I would never have imgagined my STBXH being so crazy! I know you can totally relate.

Hang in there and continue making a better life for you and son.
_________________________


Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon



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#1813778 - 08/05/09 06:54 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Yoyowife]
lost-n-Iowa Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/09
Posts: 182
Loc: Iowa
It is amazing sometimes what character can come out in a person when they are in certain situations.

I am always amazed when I see the dainty, quiet, church going lady from down the road at the annual 4th of July picnic drunk and with her b@@bs hanging out for all to see every year, then she is back to normal the next day. LOL!!!

Sometimes you just never know where the humor will come in your life.

By the way it is good to hear that you are 'turned off' by your H's behavior. This is a step forward in your detatching from him.
_________________________
Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09

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#1813786 - 08/05/09 07:07 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: lost-n-Iowa]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
Originally Posted By: lost-n-Iowa


By the way it is good to hear that you are 'turned off' by your H's behavior. This is a step forward in your detatching from him.


Somebody told me once when you get to "disgust," you'll know you're done. We never got to that point, fortunately, and have been able to hold things together since my wife's A two summers ago. But I damned sure got close for awhile there.

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1813875 - 08/05/09 10:05 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
bluerain Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/08
Posts: 1501
Loc: Alaska
Ah LIA, you saw me at the picnic! blush

Doodles, I just read your post about the new place, thats exciting about S school! How big of a town do you live in? Im impressed how you have changed, and how your attitiude has become more positive. You have come to this honestly, and started to see your H for what he is at the worst of times, which is where he is choosing to stay!

YAY doodles!

PS, look out, this is when they come crawling back!
_________________________
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...

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#1815165 - 08/08/09 07:15 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: bluerain]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
ok, so who has been wondering where i disappeared to? lol

i will be honest, i met a great guy....weird i know, to go from wanting h back to being able to meet someone else.

i think i have been at the breaking point for a while and was finally, totally pushed away from h and totally turned off and ready to move on. maybe the moving was helping that along as well....

this guy is also separated, going through a nasty divorce, has 2 little boys and seems to be a terrific father. it just so happens he lives in the development i am moving to, which i didnt know until alittle bit into the conversation...

even if it goes nowhere (and where could it go at this point anyway in the game anyway?) my eyes are opened again to what life can be.

he took me to a fabulous fancy restaurant on the water and treated me the way i should be treated.

i was not uncomfortable, i wasnt sure how it would be or feel. didnt feel like a first date.

im ready for this. im ready to move on.

im moving this week and very excited about it.

i used to think i would always want h back. im seeing there are nice guys out there, good looking nice guys. guys that want to spend time with their children, fight for their children. oh, and want to be with me and give me the attention i deserve.

h lost his chance. he will want me back one day, no question about it.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1815167 - 08/08/09 07:23 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
bluerain Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/08
Posts: 1501
Loc: Alaska
I wondered where you went doodles! I think thats its great that you have found someone else to have fun with. I think that sometimes we need a little help healing out hearts and proving to ourselves that we are desireable, not matter what our loser H's do and say. And you might be able to do the same for your new friend!

I would only worry about squandering a great thing with a rebound. Know what I mean? Meeting someone wonderful, but being too F'd in the head from your M to really make it work. Thats how I felt when I tried to date early in my sep.
_________________________
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...

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#1815168 - 08/08/09 07:28 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: bluerain]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
u are absolutely right bluerain...but i dont think this could go anywhere right now anyway. we are both going through a divorce, i am a full time mother and father, not so free to run wild with some guy...

we already needed to slow it down after the first date...im hoping to see him tonight but i need to pull back my emotions already because im not interested in ending up hurt already!

all i can say is this to anyone reading that feels half the way i used to feel - its does get better. it really really does. i never ever ever ever thought i would feel better. u cant force yourself to recover, u cant move on when your family tells u to. it just has to happen on its own. no one can force it, u cant force it. its a aweful process that i wouldnt wish on anyone. not even on h, as much as i thought i wanted him to hurt like me.

it may have taken me years, but im ok. even if this guy disappears, guys are out there. i never thought i would find someone like h again, who likes what i liked, treated me to things like he did etc. but they are out there. and its not so weird to go out with someone else, when u are ready.

and im ready.

and let me also say this, with my ring off, its amazing the attention u can get!!!!
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1815212 - 08/08/09 09:38 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
Doodles,

I want to take a slightly different tack then the direction I KNOW your thread is about to go, and that is the whole "Is it right" and "Is she ready" debate (for the record, I don't think you're NEAR ready, but that's your decision).

No, I want to IMPLORE you to prepare yourself for what's about to happen next:

Your husband, when he hears about you dating, will suddenly come and want you back. Count on it.

Are you ready for it? Do you know how you'll respond?

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1815216 - 08/08/09 09:51 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i dont think he will find out so fast, no one that knows him knows about it....however, u are right, the tides are going to turn...how will i respond? honestly? with a too little too late...

if he really wanted me back, so so so so much would have to happen and im not so sure that im open to even seeing it. it would probably take months of consistent positive attractive behavior from him. and i dont think its possible.

am i ready to date? i like to think so. but since im so early in the divorce process, i cant see the dating getting anywhere so fast. i really like this guy, is he a version of my h? yes.

appearance wise he is my type, yes, a version of h.

financially speaking, version of my old h.

he is everything i had with h only on a higher level.

am i pretrified of getting hurt? yes.

did this guy say and do all the right things? yes.

did i find the whole thing too good to be true? yes.

not sure what will happen next.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1815357 - 08/08/09 03:49 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
so this guy disappeared as quickly as he came. im slightly shocked but whatever.

the bottom line, the thing i take away from all of this, is that im ready to move on.

the fact that i could go out with someone, enjoy him and be comfortable and attracted to him, and actually be upset that he got weird all of sudden, tells me im ready to move on, that im done holding out for h.

so i guess that is a good thing.

im not ready to be hurt, at all. but who is?

this guy was amazing, i dont know what happened. my shrink said it seems he scared himself and pulled away. oh well.

im not usually attracted to just anyone. my luck to find one i liked, that liked me, and now he is pulling away.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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