I want to make the changes in me, I already like what I'm seeing and I know this is a journey I am supposed to be on. I know my teaching job is also where I am supposed to land, I just have to let GOD help me in finding my way and allowing what is supposed to happen, happen.
Trust in your faith, find God again..
Honestly, God will NOT do the work on you, he will only offer insight and guide you through the process.
The real work HAS to come from you......
I am a firm believer that God doesn't get directly involved in affairs of the heart...
What he does is gives us a conscious, and morals and kinda lets us police ourselves....
The real work has to come from us....
Originally Posted By: Golfgirl1
I like to be in control, I like things predictable and this has shaken me to the core. My job and my marriage have both imploded on me and some days I can barely get out of bed. I try hard to breathe, do yoga, garden, walk the dogs, but I need some of my life back...
THIS has to change......
Control....you have control over yourself only.
The sooner you learn this, the better you will be...
Your marriage imploded on BOTH of you right now...not just you..
You can either feel sorry for yourself, or get out there and live....
Silent, What does that mean that you let him go and you are now done? Did you file for divorce? I don't want to end the marriage, but I feel like I'm so disrespected by him as he 'slaps' the affair with his co-worker right in my face.
Hi, GG.
"Done" for me as completely letting go. Detaching. As I'm sure you have read, detachment is a must for survival through this journey we are all on. You may have also heard the term "fake it til you make it". Well, I have always been a very emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve type of person, especially with my H. I had a very tough time with "faking it". For me to really be able to let go and move on with my life "as if my H wasn't coming back", I eventually came to the conclusion that I had to actually really had to end it. So long as I am still legally married to my H, I couldn't move on and look for my own happiness, and I couldn't get past the pain of watching his current behavior.
I should also say that in my own sitch, because we are going through a bankruptcy too, we had to make the decision to legally seperate in some fashion (so we can get better terms for the bankruptcy). So, I didn't have the luxury of being able to wait and leave filing up to my H if/when he decided to take the responsibility for that step. I had to get a lawyer and make sure I was protected as much as I could be. Otherwise, I likely would have "stood" a lot longer "legally" speaking.
Actually, my H did agree to a legal seperation, but I have pretty much decided that I am going to file for D instead (I am the one doing the filing because I got the lawyer). As I said, I am doing this for my own mental and emotional health.
But, don't get me wrong. I love my H with all my heart and I know I will until I draw my last breath. I have been with my H since the day after my 17th birthday (and actually for quite a few years before that as my brother and his brother were best friends in high school). Our history is long, and I too struggle to understand how this all happened. I still cry at least once every day.
My H and I were each others "first, last and only" if you know what I mean. He was never a sentimental guy, but if anyone had told me 3 years ago that the would have an affair with his 28 year old secretary, I would have laughed in their face! The secretary did last, and H is on OW #2 who is the sister of a coworker who started trying to fix him up with her the minute she found out we were seperated.
My H and I are now getting along very well, and working together on all the logistics of the D, and I at least feel like I have taken back some of my own power. Ya' know? But, my heart is still very much broken, and I deeply mourn the loss of the man I loved...... I miss him terribly! But the man he is now is not that man.
As you can see, I'm feeling a bit depressed myself today!! Must be something in the karma...... Sorry for the "hi-jack" of your thread......
Take care, GG! And remember to give yourself some slack......be your own best friend!!
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
My H told me he was filing for D the day before I started back to school last year. I teach also. I finally went back to school two weeks after it was in session. He kept telling me there was no one else. He finally admitted it two months later. He then told me ten days before Christmas that he filed for D. He was acting so strange, very unlike the H I was used to. Everything was happening so fast. I finally discovered this site, and it all made sense to me. He was saying everything to the "T". He had found the MLC manual and memorized the script well. I have a thread going on Newcomers that tells what's going on with me. It's called " Who Is This Stranger Living In My House".
There is a great website "Rejoice Marriage Ministries" that has given me a lot of comfort through this. You may want to check it out.
Hang in there... My D has been in the process for seven months now, and we are still living in the same house. It was so very hard at first, but the way I look at it now, he is a sick man. The ow has herself an MLCer, lucky her. She does not have my DH. He would never have done this.
I've given GOD complete control over this. HE is the ONE who has given me the strength to face each day.
I'm a teacher too. Two years ago my H dropped the OW bomb on a Friday before school started on Monday. He had no idea. I managed to go back to work but that whole year is a blur.
He filed for the D a week before our 20th anniversary. Again, he did not make a connection.
They are living in their own little world - Planet Me.
Quote:
It was so very hard at first, but the way I look at it now, he is a sick man. The ow has herself an MLCer, lucky her. She does not have my DH. He would never have done this.
So true. And mine really is sick - claims to have Swine Flu!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
I filed for divorce today, mostly to protect myself financially. Since he's involved with the VP of his company, I highly suspect some 'fishy' business with the company books and I need to be protected. Financial security is my only recourse now. I need to be able to live in the style I've been accustomed to for the past 20 years!
I am a special ed teacher and this year I took on 3 gen ed LA classes for the challenge. Well, last week I just decided I can't take on that challenge with my brain so impaired. I can do a medical leave for a month or so, so I will probably only work part time, but get paid full time. Then I can get support to transition back to full time. With all of my legal stuff I'll probably welcome some extra time this fall.
He made all kinds of crazy comments yesterday and I am just done. I sure didn't last long (standing), but I don't see any hope in the near future and he is just not the man I married and given the timeline of MCL, I just decided this is the route I need to take. I feel like he has taken so much already and I need to find myself again, find my purpose, and be happy!!!!!!
I will keep you all in the loop as my journey progresses...
M48 H 42 M 20 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed for divorce 7/09
M
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Silent Cheerleader, I filed for the same reason..my emotional and mental health. He's said he's been "emotionally checked out" of the marriage for over 2 years now. He's been involved with the VP of his company for at least 6 months to a year and we always told each other that was the "deal breaker." I never thought we would divorce, I loved him so very much (my old husband). Perhaps one day he'll come to his senses and realize what he lost. We had such a great life together...what happened to it??
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I am sure it must have been terribly difficult to file for a Divorce. What an emotional day you must have had.
Only you know what you are able to handle, and for some this is the only way to get through this ordeal.
I am sorry that you chose to act so quickly, as there are other options other then filing for a Divorce.
A Legal Separation?
I sincerly hope that you gave this alot of thought, rather then acting out of fear and emotion. Many times during the MLC the LBS goes through so many emotions of their own that sometimes it is best to do nothing drastic and just learn how to be still.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Golfgirl, You are the only one who can determine when enough is enough. If you reached your point of the same then taking care of yourself emotionally and financially is exactly what you should be doing. Be good to yourself. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. No one likes to see a divorce happen but when it does we try to offer support as best we can.
*hugs* ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Help! I can't sleep and I am so full of anxiety. I called the doctor 4 times yesterday and got no response back. I can't sleep and I just shake all day. I took Lexipro, but it made my heart race. Anybody got any suggestions??
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
