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#1801164 - 07/14/09 05:37 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
lost-n-Iowa Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/09
Posts: 182
Loc: Iowa
I think you did good with the phone call. You showed him that you acknowledged that he had called but at the same time you really did not have time for him. He will be left wondering who you were talking to and who was more important than him.

I caught up on everything and I want to say that I am proud of the way that you have been handling everything. You are doing great, little by little.

Perhaps you can ask your lawyer about talking to a judge about getting the finacial support now for the bills and for your son. And nothing else at this time. Don't want the seperation/divorce then don't talk to the lawyer or judge about it now.
_________________________
Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09

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#1801165 - 07/14/09 05:37 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: lost-n-Iowa]
lost-n-Iowa Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/09
Posts: 182
Loc: Iowa
In Iowa they base a person child support off of their job but if the person does not have a job then they either back up to the last job if the person can still work a job like that or similar to that job. If all else fails, they at least base the support off of a 40 hour work week at minimum wage if the court believes that the person has no real reason why they can not have a job at that time. Maybe your lawyer will have a suggestion as to what the best way to proceed so you can get some sort of support.

You, Your son, Support, Bills, Day to day living...these are your important things to think about right? Try to stop thinking about being nice to your H and how he feels. He isn't thinking about being nice to you or what your feelings are.

There is a time to get mad and start fighting back. Now is that time, I think.
_________________________
Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09

Top
#1801189 - 07/14/09 06:48 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: lost-n-Iowa]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
thanks iowa. sure hope i get more than 17% of minimum wage. lol

i would like them to look at what he was making and somehow tell him he needs to look for a serious job somewhere around that, alittle below is fine.

i am well aware he was offered a position at a world famous place here in ny by the owner. i am wondering why he has not taken it, or, that he has and isnt saying.

i am having a friend (who is an investigator) call tomorrow and see if he is employed there.

if not, i want the issue raised as to why he did not follow up on that position.

my son finally called h back, he must have left a message, he called home and my cell. my son answered my cell, i was on another call and didnt even pick his call up!
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1801234 - 07/14/09 09:13 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
It's called "imputing income," and if he tries to lowball you, you can hire an occupational evaluator (or "occupational counselor") to impute income to him based on the kind of job that:

a) he is qualified for; and

b) which is reasonably available in his area.

But the expense for the OC would most likely have to be borne by you.

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1801406 - 07/15/09 07:08 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i guess i will see what my attorney says tomorrow.

i have so much going on, my head is spinning. i should know today if the bank is putting the foreclosure on hold.

it helps a bit, but at the same time, i need to decide where i am moving. if only my son was still in preschool, i wouldnt have to worry about the start of the school year. oh well.

i have charges to dispute on my credit card, h was an authorized user on one, and a charge was put through for business purposes after the store closed - he did not do it, it looks like a company did it automatically. $1,700!

no way im paying. canceled the card.

havent heard from pyscho, she is due for contact.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1801541 - 07/15/09 11:37 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Stronger Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 986
Loc: Florida
Well, sounds like you are making progress one way or another. Good for you.
_________________________
M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy

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#1801748 - 07/15/09 04:14 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Stronger]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i guess im making progress. who knows.

the bank still cant tell me if they put the foreclosure on hold.

my investigator friend called a place where we suspected h could be working. he isnt. on or off the books.

just got in from a day at the pool with my son, it was nice.

i see h called, he can call again, im not calling him back.

i dont even want to talk to him anymore. its better when i dont.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1801875 - 07/15/09 05:54 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
lost-n-Iowa Offline
Member

Registered: 02/03/09
Posts: 182
Loc: Iowa
I agree that it is better that you don't talk to him if you can help it. And when you do have to talk to him just keep it about business and nothing personal except your son.

I sure hope the bank goes in your favor and puts it on hold. That will releive some of the pressure on you.

Do you guys have Child Support Recovery up there? That is something that Iowa has. I go through it with both of my kids' dads. Even though I went to court with both of them, they still called in CSR to do the dirty work of how much they were to pay in child support. I know that in Iowa you can start a case without having to use a lawyer and it may not cost as much. They can run a SS# check and see if he is paying into taxes anywhere, then you would know if he had a job and wasn't telling. I don't know how long that would take since mine went through the court system with everything else. Maybe you have something else similar to it in NY??

Also have you thought that it may be the psycho that is paying his way for the cars and stuff? If she is maybe she will eventually get tired of supporting him and his family if you are able to get some sort of support.
_________________________
Me-31
Him-28
D1-9
D2-6
Married 5-06
Seperated 12-07
He filed 1-08
Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08
Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09
Filed for D 4-28-09
Trying to make a go of it 6-09

Top
#1801886 - 07/15/09 06:04 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
oh u have no idea! he calls, i hear her in the background. i said, call us back without your background noise. he called a few more times, i told him son was in the bath.

then he calls again, yelling at me to stop calling and hanging up on whoever it is that im calling (see, he cant even admit to her, he says "whoever it is you are calling").

i went wild, i said it was not me, she is spoofing my number and if u dont believe me, f her and f you. and i hung up.

i called the phone company, they are mailing me my cell phone records.

then psycho sent me a text. it looked like a paragraph, i didnt read it.. i know i know, i shouldnt delete it, but i just dont want to read it.

i bet it said, stop calling me leave me alone.

he kept calling me, i answered once, said, im on with the phone company retrieving my phone records. and i hung up.

he called several more times,i didnt answer.

maybe i will get him on harassment too. lol....

i must have grown up since i do not respond, do not call her or even try to make him believe me.

i am just so annoyed.

and this psycho girl? she so knows i have done nothing.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1801887 - 07/15/09 06:05 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
also, i emailed h just to put the whole situation in writing, saying she is spoofing my number and our phone records show i have not called her and also show her calls to me.

then i sent a copy of the email to my attorney.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
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