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Yes, I discovered the expectations were as I saw written earlier, "premeditated disappointment".

Indeed the entire future could be one big expectation. I am learning to wake up and appreciate and enjoy what I have at the moment.

She stated the limbo won't last long. She would like to file papers as soon as some financial matters are taken care of. That brought disappointment, then anger, then the intolerability of living with those emotions, then a move to "I don't need this anymore". Detachment. As I stated in earlier posts I'm sure there's more to go.

I talked with her briefly today when she called about some kid matters. While it was pleasant, and I need to be careful I don't melt when I hear that voice, I kept it in a business frame and didn't feel as much.

I live in "Far North Big State" as Smiley might say. I do Tris so I'm mostly a time-trial roadie but I enjoy the intensity and concentration of singletrack.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Quote:
Indeed the entire future could be one big expectation. I am learning to wake up and appreciate and enjoy what I have at the moment.

Nahhhhhhhhhh -- you know as well as I do that the "premeditated disappointment" will wax and wane and very quickly (I believe -- in fact, much more quickly than we would (I think) like to believe "now") wane much more than it waxes.

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I need to be careful I don't melt when I hear that voice

I think we all struggle with this bit. @aliveandkicking talks about it a lot and so do @Gardener and @ShockedOne. To me I find it's difficult not to fall into the Ways of the Husband. Even now -- or at least up to (and, as I think about it, somewhat shockingly, during) Batsh*t-Crazy-a-Thon -- I find myself having to choke-off the "hons" and "sugars" and "sweetnesses" and what-not-like-terms of affection.

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Mt bike ride - got charged by mama moose guarding her baby.


Wow. That'll motivate ya! Feets don't fail me now!

Understandable, though, mama moose charging you. I mean, Mrs. Palin does have a lot of emotional stuff on her plate now....

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Kids will be staying with extended family an extra week. I'll just continue playing this week.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Hi O'dog,
BTW, I hate moose! Have you ever done the Mt Marathon race?


I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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Got charged again today when we came around a blind corner too fast. We had a big group of riders but it made no difference. She came at us three times. People were diving behind trees and holding their bikes up for cover. Moose: big as horses and dumb as rocks.

I haven't done Mt Marathon but it's the kind of punishment I enjoy. I do a lot of the local tris and endurance events. Finished an Ironman in 06.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Visit with Psy today. Mostly about accepting D and moving on. Talked some about disappointment, anger, and detachment. He asked what I thought my life would be like in this new time. I really hadn't got there yet - like it is now I guess but new things may evolve.

Once again he noted I'm in a much better shape than a few years ago when I was struggling with a lot of life direction issues.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Sounds like you're on the right path, OD.

I got charged by a moose once...when I got between her and her calf...I didn't know I could climb a tree that fast.

BTW...do you ever just stop and read the metaphors in(to) things that just happen over the course of a day? Like coming around a blind corner too fast?

Just after my STBX moved out I went running in the rain - dark sky in the middle of the afternoon - near the end of my run, one of those runs that brings up a swell of emotions (and tears), I looked up and saw the sun shining through a small hole in the clouds...and just the day before a friend of mine had spent a good hour telling me that the darkness isn't permanent, that there's always the possibility of that light - and that if I opened my mind, I would see it...and there it was...and then the tears rushed out, but they felt wonderful.

-Carlos.


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"We consent to live like sheep." W.H. Auden

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Beautiful.

I've had moments like this.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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Huge hike yesterday with lots of vert. This morning I way overslept. Coworkers thought maybe I took an Ambien Adventure (as in "Hi, this is Orangedog. I'm calling from a faraway airport and have no idea how I got here"). No, I just needed an overtraining break.


"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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