Newbie (again)

[mishka422]

(((dday)))

You sound just like me. Talking in absolutes. Ever, never, etc.....

Yes, things are unpredictable right now. Your life is still in chaos right now. That isn't going to be forever. You will find your balance and settle into a normal, stable routine. Until then, it's a good idea not to involve anyone else in your own turmoil.

As to why you let XW get to you, there is still an emotional tie there. There is still a tie to her with your children. That doesn't go away because a piece of paper declared you legally D'd. You held out hope of reconciling for a LONG time after the split. Look at the day your D was finalized as your true separation date. The estimates for emotional recovery from D are 1 year for every 4 years of marriage. That would mean I've got 3.5 years before I'm stable. How about you?

[dday101798]

Ahh the estimates, and so far, near accurate they have been, in this case 2.75 on my end, great. Actually that sounds about right on my estimates to stop realing from the financial impacts of all this, well at least as best as possible.

Just don't get how someone can be so rotten and thoughtless and yet any other situation it would have pushed me out the door to restart so fast the sound barrier would be broken, but then again, this ISN'T any other situation.

I held out out for far too long. But at least at the end of the day, as I've said before, I tried.

I so need my own place I think that's a huge thing too, never living on my own as now I should be, just no way I can afford it without being a 18 hour a day working hermit.

[mishka422]

Definitely time to get out on your own.

My xh has never, ever lived on his own. He went from his parents, to my family home (after his dad kicked him out) to our various married homes, and straight to ow. Do whatever you have to in order to get into your own place so your kids have their own place to come to.

Your financial impacts will really last until your kids are completely self-sustaining. Even then, they could still come with their hands out. My poor mom is literally poor because I have had to borrow so much from her that I can't pay back.

You're doing well. Keep it up!

[dday101798]

Thanks Mish, sorry was trying to caught up on your thread when.....

I'm going to kill that woman, simply kill her!!! (okay internet police relax, I'm only speaking figuratively)

And I don't know how, but I completely fogot this from Sunday. The only thing I said to XW that night, how could I forget. She started up on the 4th of July again, and said "what time are you picking them up from the parade?".

Since I was already twitchy by her physical appearance I hastly replied 'I told you, I am not going to the parade here, and neither are they, if that's what you want to do NEXT year when they are yours, all the power to you, but this year on my watch, it's new lives, new traditions. This of course sent her in battle mode and I jsut reminded her plainly that 'oh, by the way, the 3rd is Friday so technically I pick them up as normal any way, however since I have to get another job I would like to spend as much time with them as I can so maybe if you will let me I will pick them up Thursday night.

So, I hear nothing until 10 minutes ago, I'm sitting here at work and XW sicks S12 on me as to what time I'm picking him up, not only next week but this week. I have to painfully tell him I won't be picking him this week at all, and I'm uncertain about next week for now. This goes on for about 10 minutes and then I ask 'how come your calling from mom's phone, didn't she work?', "no, she's sick or something and S11 is playing video games, I'm so bored, but hopefuly OM will get off work early and we'll go to the pool." [insert infamous auto crash noise here]

I know she put him up to every second of that. Meh, whatever I have my own personal demons to being slaying tonight so that
i can be ready to actively land a second job by the week's end.

[mishka422]

I'll hope and pray you don't have trouble finding a second job. It's rough going in most places but I don't know about your area. My xh has been trying to get even 1 job since last August and hasn't had any luck with the exception of a very part time job at a convenience store that he was laid off from in April. Nothing since then.

GOOD LUCK!

In your custody schedule, were you scheduled to have the kids this weekend? Why would your S12 think you were picking then up this weekend if that wasn't the schedule?

Slay the demons! Get on it!

[dday101798]

The 'visitation' is alternating weekends and this weekend is my 'off-weekend'. I think what S12 was getting at was we used to always go out to dinner on Wednesday's and Wed. night was part of the temporary schedule. Unfortuantely this was not workable into the 'final' agreement as XW was supposed to be moving away. Now, it would appear that she isn't for the time being and as far as know isn't at work today either, must be nice to sit on your arse all day and just wait for the check in the mail (from me).

But either way, I can't afford to take them out any how.

As for the second job, I'm just looking to go into my degreed field of automotive, with everyone not buying new cars and just keeping their's up and running, I know I can land one easily. However, I have to renew my lisence prior to getting any applications in and I don't want to be commited to one right away with the holiday next week already being jumbled up.

We'll see

Otherwise, spent a good amount of time soul searching last night and this morning and my spirits are on the upswing an dI'm feeling better. After I balance my checkbook today I think I have enough left to just treat myself to dinner and that's it until next Friday. But it's something I need to do.

I also politely drove a wedge between myself and 'new person' expressing I am not ready for this and need to find answers within myself to a vast of questions and get certain aspects of myself under control and be stable for myself first before intertwining any one else in my mess.

[dday101798]

vent before I take it out somewhere else.....

I am so sick and G-dang tired of people of better financial means and family upbringing telling me WTF to do. They don't get. Case in point, my boss, makes a well living, claims she broke, can't pay for 10K chimney repair doesn't know what to do. "Oh well I'll just borrow it from my sister or parents".

Must be nice. I have less than $100 to my name and 8 days till pay day, little over a 1/2 tank of gas and not one grocery in the house to not only feed myself but my cousin who's housed me without question as I worked to give my paychecks to the attorney and is about to lose her job.

Now I know why some of the homeless are happy to be that way. I can't flippen take this anymore.

All people can say is, get a credit card or borrow it from family. First off, credit card, PAHAHAHAHAH! I was rejected for a friggen Target card for crying out loud. Family? The only family I have I could borrow from is my sister and I know as well she does I don't have the means to pay it back, so that kind of defeats the purpose of "borrowing", doesn't it when you borrow something, you return it later? Plus my sister and I have clawed and scrathed at life for everything we have. Why should she have to suffer paying off my debt caused by my life's problems?!?!?

blah!!!!!!!!!!

[dday101798]

arraaggh! two days in row, same ordeal, Xw is putting S12 throught the motions of trying to make me feel bad and search out what I intend to do next week for the holiday. Grow up already 'woman'.

[dday101798]

Well, didn't end up treating myself to dinner last night, after balancing my account, it just wasn't in the budget. Turns out my cousin's son's flight didn't come in and she was home with no dinner so it all worked out in the end.

Not doing to well. Developing a lot of resentment at XW again for doing all this to me. I have thuroughly concluded that I will not have a life of my for quite some time. Thus, all a working hermit is all I will be. S12's comments about OM have just gone to the core. He is a special needs child and now he's pretty muched latched on and replaced me with OM hwo certanly does not deserve that honor. OM was not there to see that child in a ICU for months with tubes and monitors sticking out of every where and any where imaginable. OM wasn't there to nurture that child to being as 'normal' as possible despite his setbacks. And yet, through my XW's selfishness, that is all gone.

I don't know what XW has told S12 about his adoption from her first M. He asked why he adopted again last Friday.

I also don't know what Xw's ordeal is, but since her 'apology' last week, she has been home from work 'sick' and having S12 call me every day, coached to inquire on what I'm up to.

Last night I tapped into a real dark place within me that I need to get rid of. Just had the over all thought of what point is it to live on? This came from finding out that my work is not giving merit increases this year and my department is overbudget on salaries as it is because of mine and if things don't improve there will be layoffs in 6 months. Ain't life grand?

Just so stressed out, could barely drive in this morning. Been dizzy all week, Monday the worst and now this morning a runner up. Though I was going to wreck several times.

Ack! Need to get out of this somehow.

[still.struggling]

First off take a deep breath. Not too deep cuz if you are dizzy you may pass out.

You need to eat something or you will get sick. Find cheap things. You can eat Ramen noodles for less than 20 cents a meal. Sometimes even cheaper. May not be all that tasty but hey, it fills the belly. To make sure my kids have decent meals I have eaten quite a few of those.

I am in the same boat as you. My bills cost more than I make. I got my hours cut back about a month ago and now that my divorce is final I have to file single and that knocks more money from my weekly paycheck. From what I am used to I have more than $225 taken out of my checks each month. It sucks but I will figure out a way to make it.

Whatever you do, don't get a credit card. That is why I am in this mess also. I was only making $8 an hour when xh left and that didn't pay for much so I used my credit cards. I am hoping to refinance my house in the near future (if the market ever picks up) and have my bills put into it and that should help out A LOT! Thank goodness I used my tax refund to pay my car off.

Hang in there...it WILL get better.