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I know, I voiced my concern to her about it before and was assured, no way no how, he goes out and his own thing while she's left to do nothing but take care of the house and kids.

Even with that, still a level of discomfort. But to be told not to contact her while she's there with him, and ONLY him, no way.

I'm a very possesive person as she says she is too. But this is just not acceptable. I'm going to send a quick e-mail and jsut ask when can we straighten out the facts at hand here. She as also having dealt with adultery should be more than understanding of what I feel right now, but just doesn't seem to get it.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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Not to be a stick in the mud.....but.....technically, she's committing adultery too because she is not legally divorced. The state of the R doesn't really count where that is concerned. M'd people don't date. smile


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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Oh, no, they are divorced, 8 years. She left and took the kids when it was all said and done. He begged and pleaded and said he'd change, blah, blah blah and she came back and gave him another chance. He didn't change and it's supposed to be a 'it is what it is' type situation.

I sent a e-mail, subject lined "Just a fitting horoscope" of mine of the day:

"Gemini (May 21-June 21): 6. If you're having trouble understanding an older person's whims, stop thinking logically. React emotionally. That's what the other person is doing. Don't expect this to make sense."

No reply as of yet.

The dynamics of situation between us are pretty unique and involves my younger 1/2 sister's as she was one of their mother's better friends. So when I told my told my sister that we were 'dating' on Saturday, she was happy for me, but at the same time voiced some concern over her and her XH, so I guess I now know what that meant as it was pretty vague.

What a shame.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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Posts: 2,452
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Oh, and anyway,

Haven't heard one lick from XW nor the kids (since last sunday frown ) as she promissed to let them call me.

I think I am going to have to cave and call her phone tonight and go through her. Hopefully the weekend simmered her down and she won't be in fight mode, but none the less, she probably will and I will just have to terminate the call as normal.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,762
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Too bad.

Sorry, misunderstood. I thought had meant that she had given him another chance as in re-married and now separated again. Got it. That's SUPER messy. If they are D'd then why is she so concerned about him seeing texts from you? And when the kids aren't even there, and they are alone in the house.....eeeeekkkkk. That doesn't seem like a healthy situation to be stuck in the middle of, especially when you are trying to recover from a nasty D yourself.

Time alone is a GOOD thing! Very healing.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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Originally Posted By: mishka422
If they are D'd then why is she so concerned about him seeing texts from you? And when the kids aren't even there, and they are alone in the house.....eeeeekkkkk.


Exactamundo!

I sent my ice breakers to give her a chance to re-explain this and she opts not to respond. So, it's not like I didn't try and have no problem letting this fish go.

time alone, understood, just thought it wouldn't hurt, it's almost been a year now since I've confirmed XW's OM, and another year before that that things were questionable, so I'm just tired of being lonely I guess.

Over all, I still feel great! (other than being concerned of the recent discovery on the intimate issue, but I think my thoughts about this one and her XH played into that also)

It's day by day and whatever happens, happens.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,762
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When it's right, things will be right. No worries.

I understand the being lonely. You just need to make sure that you are dating for the right reason, of course. Not to fill your lonely life, but the enhance your already fabulous life. I say this out of nothing but concern, of course.

My D was final last November. My xh left for ow 11 months before that. He had been having the A with her for 8 months before that. It's been a long time, but it's also given me a lot of time to grown and rediscover the woman I had lost inside of my M. That's been wonderful!

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, just make sure that you aren't searching for someone to fulfill you, complete you, or save you from yourself. Because if you're not happy all alone, it's tough to be happy inside a R that is going to take all of your energy. smile I'm ALL for enhancement though!!!!!!

Yep......IMO......cut bait on that one! :0


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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Thanks Mish, I hear ya.

I broke and sent a email just wanting to know why it would matter if they were in fact seperated. So we shall see.

I am happy and content with myself. But, I have missed everything she promissed. My XW was only affectionate when she wanted to be. Hell on our own wedding night when she is supposed to be and was the most beautiful woman I ever saw, she told me at our reception to stop hanging all over her and let her breathe! WTF?

We never did the simplest thing like hold hands while walking in public, seldomly in the car did we after the first 6 months of being together. So I have missed out on a lot. And that is exactly what we did Saturday, it was wonderful

Truth be told, I wasn't searching, we just met up at a hockey game, starting chatting and came to find out we both were have missed out on a lot and both had feelings going back almost 20 years, so now that we're single again, what the hay, let's see where this goes. So I guess that's why I'm not overly upset about it. We were supposed to open and truthful about everything.

She knows I still love my XW, and so I put the ball in her court and asked, if I lived with XW and had no kids in the house and told you not to contact me, how would you feel? What would you think?

Got my scissors out and propping the pole, ready to cut.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,762
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Snip snip. smile

I hear ya on missing out on stuff. My xh was a HUGE romantic while we were dating. We dated 4 years before we got married and he never really slacked off on being affectionate and romantic. The pastor said "I now pronounce you man and wife" and from that moment on, other that sex, he stopped showing any affection ever. No hugs (unless I initiated them), no hand holding (unless I took his hand and even then he would pull his away after a couple of minutes), no kissing (again, unless I initiated it and then it was always a game of dodge 'em with him). I'm an extremely affectionate woman so that was my undoing. I found it very hard to be sexually open when my emotional needs weren't met. Very strange to be married to someone like that. I don't think I've ever known a woman who was like that with the man in her life......weird. smile

Glad you're comfortable with jumping ship if need be. smile


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,452
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Originally Posted By: mishka422
I don't think I've ever known a woman who was like that with the man in her life......weird. smile

Glad you're comfortable with jumping ship if need be. smile


Yep, just my luck I married the oddity of the species, go figure. It's just funny in retrospect, someone who didn't seem to enjoy physical contact that much and relations became a chore it seemed, yet is now in relation ship based on what she (XW)didn't want with me? Screwy.

And it's very comfortable to jump ship when it hadn't left the harbor yet. laugh

Too much drama, I'm writing a soap opera.


Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
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