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#1786025 - 06/19/09 12:51 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9668
Loc: GA
Hmmmm....interesting......

I think you're right, she has hit the bottom in some way and is realizing that her choices have serious consequences that she doesn't like. She wants everything while giving nothing. Cake eating. She doesn't want OM but she has to be with him? WTH is that? Because she needs a place to live?

IMO, the best thing you can do for yourself and your boys is the distance yourself more from her. Don't speak to her at all unless it's a logistics thing. Don't allow her to draw you into a convo about anything other than the pick up/drop off of the boys. There is no need to tell her of your plans with them, no need to discuss the change of tradition. She will see the changes and deal with them on her own. You need the distance to heal properly.

Yes, lives are changed forever. In that, you have the opportunity now to create something wonderful for your kids. Something new and exciting all of your own. So, what do you plan to do with them on the 4th?
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#1786044 - 06/19/09 01:04 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: mishka422]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Hi Mish,

Here's the thing, she lives in her father's house so she doesn't neccessarily need OM for that. She went so far as to complain that she's sorry she need the c/s, but she is the 'main income' of the house (that's a scary thought). She referred to OM as her 'chauffer' a couple of times, this is true since she wiped out 3 cars at once with no insurance for the umteenth time.

So, she has a place, irregardless of him, and more than enough people around to get rides to and from work. As for around town, as she does now, you can walk to everything, and as much as I'd like to remind her when I see her struggling with a lot bags or what not, I did offer once to take her shopping if she needed, and once only will that offer be extended.

I want to distance myself more than I had been, but something tells me that is the wrong thing to do. Probably for the kids? And at the same, I feel that if things could work on being resolved I will be able to heal much quicker versus any more distance.

Unfortunately, I do have to provide her with an itinerary (court order) as does she. also, since I do not have the time off to have my summer visiation with them this year, I need to work with her on the scheduled vacations I do have. As it's written, I can only pick them up at 10am on the 4th, that won't work. So I'm trying to work with her to pick them up the night before.

That will enable me to do what I want on the 4th for and with them, and that's to distance ourselves from the carnage of the 'old' life we leave behind.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

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#1786046 - 06/19/09 01:05 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Oh, and 'our' house is still there too, so she could even room with friends if need be to make ends meet. So, no, OM needing to be their for financial support, doesnot fly.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

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#1786157 - 06/19/09 03:38 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9668
Loc: GA
Ok, so she has a house provided for her. She's the primary breadwinner there? She's some sort of professional and he isn't? Or he doesn't work?

Court order to give your exact wherabouts and complete itinerary every time you have them? YIKE! That's going to make it really difficult to distance yourself and cut those emotional ties. It gives her a lot of control over you in a way. Does she have veto power in what you are doing with the kids? If not, then I guess it's not such a big deal that she knows the itinerary as long as she doesn't use that to intrude on your time with them.

Good idea not to offer to help her anymore. AOS will keep you tied together and keep her looking to you for other help as well. Again.....she has to face the new reality just like you do.

She wiped out 3 cars and this is after other accidents? How does she manage to still have a license? Remind me to never be on a road anywhere near her! smile
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1786213 - 06/19/09 04:29 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: mishka422]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
lol, that's why OM is her chauffer, her lisence was taken away finally. When she wrecks, she wrecks good, cars on the hood, pushed up utility poles, or in the final case, a tri-fecta.

and lol X2, no she is not a professional, by far, professional b/s'r maybe, that's what makes it scarey that she is the primary income. What OM does with his life, is not my concern or problem so long as my kids are not affected.

Actually, the court order wording on itineraries like everything else was my doing. As XW had indicated plans to move more than some 90 miles away from me once the D was final, I made certain this was in there, that way since it will take me 2 hours to get there, I will (or should) know where they are and what they were doing in the event of an emergency. All of the paperwork was written up by my attorney and little does she realize, 90% of the stuff she could screw up and the kids will be right back in my custody automatically, I only awarded her residential custody as it seemed they were adapting to the situation and it would keep them in very good schools. I may have forfeited, but I'm not stupid. laugh

AOS? crazy I think I've heard that one before but forgot what it means. I have rejected her requests for car repairs and other maintanence that OM's pea size brain seems incompetent to handle. But, when it comes to something like giving a ride somewhere, I have no qualms with that. It's actually brownie points in pocket as I've seen her and OM in public, especially shopping and he does not have the common courtesy to get out of the car and help her load the groceries. Not that I'm saying I'd be her servent or anything, but simply it's something I had always done and could not change. EDIT-as one of my favorite t-shirts reads in her 'honor' :"let me drop everything and work on your problem."


Edited by dday101798 (06/19/09 04:32 PM)
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

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#1786238 - 06/19/09 04:47 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Hmm, interesting observation of myself, everytime I happen to glance at the Infidelity (read as "discuss your selfish, slimey, cheating spouse here") forum, I get not angered but flustered perhaps?

I guess it still erks me that running off and destroying your family and all everyone worked for with some other bafoon is so much better than standing up admiting your faults and working to solve/repair them, like I was beyond willing to do.

Disclaimer:

dday101798 sends his apologies to any WAS's reading for the above the reference to his personal situation, and thus his statement is unique and true only to HIS "selfish, slimey, cheating (ex)spouse". As I have conversed with quite a few WAS on the site and you know that is my true belief, just a vent.

_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

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#1787355 - 06/22/09 03:14 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Day, I don't even know right now.

Crashed and burned once again and feel miserable. Between almost getting killed by falling tree during a storm Friday night, losing power for the duration of the weekend afterward, seering heat and everyone wanting money I feel sick to my stomache right now, I want to puke.

Then dropped kids off last night, xw knew we were on or way and comes out half dressed as she was busy with OM, now I really need to puke.

this sucks.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

Top
#1787361 - 06/22/09 03:25 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9668
Loc: GA
OH dday.....I'm so sorry things have gone from bad to worse over that past few days. frown That does suck.

Let's look at it this way:

1)Almost killed is a positive....the tree missed you! YEAH!
2)The power was out all weekend? Well then, no wasted time on the computer, right? Of course, that doesn't help whatever you had in your fridge. frown
3)The heat is pretty miserable. Sorry about that. Were you able to go somewhere that had air conditioning since you had no power?
4)Collectors calling for money....I understand that completely. Have you asked them if they are aware of the phrase that involves blood and turnips? smile
5)She actually came out of the house only half dressed? Ok, that's disgusting. I'm sorry, but that is not the example of modesty and decorum I would want set for my children. I'm hoping when you say "half dressed" you mean she just didn't have her make-up done and her hair was in the classic "I don't care what it looks like as long as it's out of my face" updo.

Hoping to lighten your mood a little. I'm really not sure what to say other than to tell you to dig deep for the positives.

You got to spend time with your kids on Father's Day. That's AWESOME!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1787553 - 06/22/09 07:35 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: mishka422]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Yeah, my kids were troopers despite the inconvenience of living in a amish paradise for a weekend, lol.

Bill collectors can take a flying leap, as yes, you can't get blood from a turnip. No,my cousin I'm living with is really hard up for cash right now loosing her hours and insurance. So, got to get a second job. I was able to scrounge up half of what I figured I could, so something is better than nothing.

As for the XW, ugh, don't even know what to say. Yeah, hair all frazzled, shirt falling off, huffing and puffing with her legs shaking, that only tell me one thing, 'quick honey we have a few more minutes of queit time before the kids are back.

Don't even know why I care, aside from the little games of last week and the complete lack of simple morals. But I guess somewhere deep down, I still do have a connection to her that I need to find a way to sever. How can someone be so vile and do the things they've done and yet can not be let go?

Today's malfunction was purley heat stroke I'm sure. We finally caved and put the air on and I feel much better. I guess two nights in a row of no power, what else is there to do but sit around and pound a few caught up in a nasty way.

But yes, still live and kicking, that's a plus. Not much cash left to get me through the next 9 days, but hey, I do have my freedom. New person took the hint and backed off a bit, which is wise, I really like her spirit and conversation, but, I obviously have a lot more work to do than I thought.

Such is life, time to clean.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

Top
#1788104 - 06/23/09 02:22 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Off the wall for second, anybody know if cleaners in a microwave poisen your food? Oh well, at least my mouth tastes clean. laugh

So, anyhow, whatever day it is now, I'll have to get back on track with that.

Recovery mode carries on, once again. I was asked why I let XW get to me, "what difference does it make what XW says or does?". I Couldn't answer. Before it was, it isn't over, there's still a chance. Now? I honestly don't have an answer. It's just crazy. At least now, when I do crash, I dont' feel completely miserable, I can turn the other cheek and say whatever to the whole thing, instead of dwelling over 'what if', or 'why did she say/do this?'.

I think I've lost all desire to persue anything further with my new person for the time being. Just some friendly phone calls and well being checks for now. I'm just too unpredictable and have my own issues to handle that I don't think will ever be resolved and that's a huge part of it. I don't think I'm ever gong to get closure.

I do need to make some changes in my life and that is my focus for now. Everything else will just have to wait.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

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