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#1783981 - 06/16/09 01:41 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
And here we go again.

XW wants to do nothing but fight, same old issues, won't drop them and now holds my boys as collateral. Real nice. Why? Give it up already!!!!!

So, once again, haven't eaten in 2 days, feel rotten, depressed, and without closure.

And yet, she doesn't know what she wants.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

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#1783991 - 06/16/09 02:00 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9710
Loc: GA
So, she's fighting with you about the same old stuff. Is she able to hold the boys over your head legally? Is she violating the custody agreement? If so, call your lawyer RIGHT NOW!

Not eating anything will only make you feel worse. At least choke down some fruit.

I'm sorry you are going through this depression still. What do you normally do to lift your spirits?
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#1784698 - 06/17/09 02:43 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: mishka422]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Day 8 and back in recovery mode. frown

Got nowhere with XW trying to settle the air. I don't know how much simpler I can make this, there is no point in continuing to fight anymore! Xw says it's because I get an attitude with her, well, you took everything in my life away and show no remorse for doing so, what do you expect?

I apologized for my uneccesary comments and behavior. did XW? heck no.

So let's factor in no food, and one too many beers, and viola! Recipe for for destruction. My cousin's pissed at me, my XW won't drop it already, missed work, almost caused myself serious bodily harm trying skateboard (the way I used to blow steam off), and now I'm just at a rebuilding stage again. Eh well, as fast they come on I'm getting better at getting over it quicker.

As far XW withholding the kids, yep, it's against the joint parenting agreement and I already told her that I will not tolerate it. So what does she finally do, have S12 leave a coached message asking if I can pick them up at 'her house' on Friday for the weekend (another no-no) at a time when she knew I couldn't answer my phone. XW has displayed time and time again that she cares very little what any of the legalities of situation imply, and some day that will be her undoing.

I just really wish this animosity could be dropped and life be some what saner. Would we be best buddies? No, not by a long shot. Some of what she says tho, really screams she regrets wht she's done, but it's a bit too late for that. ugggh.

As for new person in my life, we clearred the air on the issue, however I am going to take a few steps back and work to resolve the issues with XW before anything else transpires.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

Top
#1784704 - 06/17/09 02:49 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9710
Loc: GA
Quote:
As for new person in my life, we clearred the air on the issue, however I am going to take a few steps back and work to resolve the issues with XW before anything else transpires.


Good plan. Settle your life before you involve someone else.

I hate to say it, but the cycling will continue for a while still. Heck, I'm still going through it and probably will for a number of years still. I just try not to dwell on it. smile Easier said than done.

So, skateboarding is probably not a good plan for blowing steam. Do you have a gym membership? How about going and punching the heavy bag a while?

It's a no-no for you to pick him up at her house? Is it an agreement to meet in a neutral place? Is it more important to get your time with your child, or to follow the letter of the legal agreement regarding the pick up place? Pick your battles you know.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1784721 - 06/17/09 03:12 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: mishka422]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Originally Posted By: mishka422

It's a no-no for you to pick him up at her house? Is it an agreement to meet in a neutral place? Is it more important to get your time with your child, or to follow the letter of the legal agreement regarding the pick up place? Pick your battles you know.


It's a no-no to use to the kids to make any schedule changes. This will also be addressed hopefuly today. I did just send a 'ice breaker' text to XW that the local AHL hockey team meeting I went to last night was fairly uneventful and not one of the players were in a attendance, just the general manager, so the boys would have been bored to tears, I know I was. When I told XW I was going last night she wanted to know why I wasn't taking the kids, I told her it was a last minute ordeal and I was already running late for it. Probably won't net a response, but I really want to try and repair our lines of communication and get things to a better or best as possible standing between us.

She just carries so much resentment and has made herself believe that all her stories are true and justify what she's done and it's soooo frustrating. And then within a few minutes, she will hint that she somewhat regrets what she's done but then regresses and goes right back to resentment.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

Top
#1784737 - 06/17/09 03:35 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
still.struggling Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/05
Posts: 6532
I have been somewhat catching up on your situation and the part of how your wife acted on your wedding night brought back memories.

My stbx and I had a very small wedding and reception. We didn't go anywhere for our honeymoon but back to our apartment. After watching tv for about an hour he proceeds to go get in bed and says he has a headache leaving me up watching more tv. I guess right then and there I should have figured how my marriage was going to be.
_________________________










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#1784753 - 06/17/09 03:51 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: still.struggling]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Same here.

We used a small, but cute little wedding chappel (actually almost bought it later on) and reception at hotel, decent size but not extraviggant. Went to 6 flags for our 'honeymoon' with the plan to go on a cruise at a later time.

Well, in light of things really getting bad, I figured our 10th would have been the ideal time to go and days within purchasing with no way out. Thank goodness I didn't. But that's why it stinged a bit for me.

However, XW made it a point everyday after our wedding as often as possible that we wish, call (or now text) each other 'happy anniversary' at 10:17. For months after the seperation began and OM was revealed I could not look at clock anywhere near that time as I anticipated that call/message.

I hope by the end of the day my recovery is well, seems to have been the way lately. But talking with XW could change that for better or worse (oooohhhh, bad pun. lol )
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

Top
#1784766 - 06/17/09 04:06 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: dday101798]
still.struggling Offline
Member

Registered: 04/26/05
Posts: 6532
All we can do it live one day at a time.

I have to admit I have been rather happy lately. Like you I met someone "again" from my past. We have been seeing each other for about 7 months now. Neither of us is looking for anything serious. It is just nice to hang out and spend time together.

Stay positive!!
_________________________










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#1784778 - 06/17/09 04:28 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: still.struggling]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Yeah, I think I just let that dreaded creature called expectation creap in there somehow. Gonna go hunt that bugger down and lock it back up.

Yes, one day at a time, for sure. Just need to keep it one day, per issue at a time, lol.
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

Top
#1784988 - 06/17/09 09:50 PM Re: Newbie (again) [Re: mishka422]
dday101798 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: Chi-town
Originally Posted By: mishka422
Good plan. Settle your life before you involve someone else.

I hate to say it, but the cycling will continue for a while still. Heck, I'm still going through it and probably will for a number of years still. I just try not to dwell on it. smile Easier said than done.


You know I kept re-reading this over and over. How do you know when you're fully settled? I mean honestly, unitl XW started playing the same old games Monday night I thought I was absolutely fine. I did not care about her, OM, the D, none of it, just the ability to see my boys when I want. I mean yeah the actual D is only a week, understood, but I knew back in December that chances for saving the M were slim and to start slowly cutting my losses in order to a avoid a thermal nuclear meltdown the day the D would have finally come. And I think I did a good job of that.

I mean, I'm not in jail or dead as everyone thought I'd be like Michael Douglas' character on "Falling Down" and just snap.

But I'm just not in control of my self for that rare moment now and I do scare myself.

For now, I'm working on two options to co-exist peacfully.

1- As requested of XW several times, let us go to a open public place that will not hande any fighting back and forth, but also a place where we'd be embaressed to do so and thus force ourselves to behave if need be. I think If we did that a long time ago, things would be much different today.

2- Give up the desire to speak. Get the kids their own phone on my plan and all communication between each other should thereby written and certified.

I think option 2 is what sets me off with her, it's truly pathetic that 2 grown adults that swore the world to each other and nurtured two soles into the very same world can not have a simple conversation based off of one simple priniciple: RESPECT. I respect her in the fact that although I personally feel D and abonding the vows of marriage is not the way to resovle our issues, but she does, and until she changes that point of view, no-one can for her. On the other foot tho, it would sure be nice if she would respect me and blame me entirely for the D, and mainly, blame me for the reason OM is with her, that's just insane.

It was hard enough up to the D, but now that it's over, why drag it on anymore?

Never got a response to the text from earlier and probably won't. I don't know, what is her idea of this? What she's supposed to marry OM now and I'm supposed to go steal her away from him 'cause that sure seems to be how it seems crazy


Edited by dday101798 (06/17/09 09:54 PM)
_________________________
Me 35/XW 33
S13 & S12
M: 10/17/98
OM & S: 07/08
D final 06/09/09
12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing"
06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10
06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11

Top
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