I suppose I’m out there already. I meet men at work, at football and concerts, but none of them grab my attention. I did go out for dinner/concerts with male friends at the beginning of our separation; my H didn’t like it at all so I stopped as I didn’t want to push him further away. That may in hindsight have been a mistake, perhaps I should have been bolder and said that it was none of his business that we’d moved on etc.
Perhaps I just have to be realistic, my H checked out of the M along time before he actually left, he’s unlikely to say anything about reconciliation even if he wants to. Fact is even though I’ve followed all the advice on here and my DB coach about GAL, NC, no R talks, being upbeat, moving on etc to draw him back he’s not coming back. I think I’m OK with that.
It’s a bit sad for all of us involved not just me and my H, but our kids and wider family and friends, it’s a selfish move on his part but then he’d be the first to admit that selfish is what he is.
Next problem is what to do at Christmas. My thoughts are to not invite him although he would be welcome if he chose to ask to come. As for Boxing Day it’s normally at my MIL, I understand from the kids that this year I’m not going to be going, not sure whether that’s MILs idea or my H. Separate presents too I think? Anyone got any thoughts. 
Shame H didn't do any work Bonny. I know my place could desperately do with some help but I've finally decided that I have to pay for it. At least now the pool and the garden look pretty good.
Yep, Bonny, Gucci and his mates have had quite a bit to say. The crazy part is that it's at a time when H has been closer than ever.
So it's a matter of facing the fear and doing it anyway!
Bonny, and Gardener shame we're in 3 different countries! Could have had a cocktail or two by the pool before we headed out to party!!
Cocktail by the pool, not in dreary England you wouldn’t. Maybe I should head down under?
I did pay for most of the work to be done, but my D asked him to do one or two things and he agreed to do them. I’m leaving it for them to arrange, he seems reluctant to deal with me directly.
He’s been a bit cagey with the kids of late and has lost their respect even more. He seems to be unraveling a bit. Luckily he’s an adult and has to deal himself.
Oh yeah Bonny. I'm inviting you all for a cocktail or two by my pool. Summer is just around the corner and the weather will match cocktails just perfectly!
H's relationship with the kids is heis to worry about!
To me an EA in my case is where I was emotionally attached to another man without the sexual contact.
I was at the time suffering form depression or 'empty nest syndrome' if you will. I have struggled with the kids growing up and leaving home. I tried to talk to my husband about it at the time and his response was to tell me to pull myself together or to get to the doctors and sort myself out. It wasn't what I wanted to hear I needed time to grieve my kids growing up. My H tried to be nice to me and talked about how great our life would be when the kids grew up and so on but to me it came over too pushy, I wanted to enjoy the remainder of the time I had with the kids at home. During this time I met up with an old boyfriend who understood how I felt and listened to me, which was what I needed. I let it go too far and thought I was in love with him. It was a bad mistake. My H found out and gave me 24 hours to make my mind up whether to stay or go. I choose my marriage and stayed although I found it hard to love my H in the way I should.
A year after that my H gave up and checked out. We struggled on for another year and then my H left by which time I'd come out of my fog/depression and wanted to work on the M and stay, I truly recommitted to the M. It was too late, my H had made up his mind and left. Basically just bad timing....he wanted me, I was depressed, by the time I was better he'd checked out and left. He does say though that he did not leave because of the EA but because we couldn't sort it out properly afterwards. I believe that even though he says that it's not cos of the EA he's still very angry with me, not sure how I can get past that.
He's now in a relationship with a close friend of mine who we've both known for 20 years.
Latest development…. H came round on the weekend to drop off paperwork and accused me of spreading rumours about him and his gf. Which I can honestly say I haven’t, I have explained to a close friend my feelings on the subject but have not told them anything that isn’t true. Managed to remain calm and just stated that I was being open about my feelings and that I given a balanced account (I’d also told about my EA) so as not to make him appear the bad guy. One of the problems my H had with me was that he felt I wasn’t honest about my feelings and kept them to myself so discussing it with friends would be a 180 for me. I’m leaving it there.
It does seem to me that the more I detach, makes improvements for me and get on with my life the more uncomfortable my H becomes with me, this contradicts advise given on these boards.
Spreading rumours....I'd be telling him that his life isn't interesting enough for you to gossip about...you've got far more interesting stuff going on in your own life!
I guess the answer lies with you Bonny. Does detaching make you feel better? If yes, keep it going. At this stage I think it has to really be about us. It's taken me ages to realise this but it really is his loss.
