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#1801915 - 07/15/09 06:50 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
So much drama . . .
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1801938 - 07/15/09 07:35 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
it is drama. am i handling it correctly by not responding to her or texting him or calling him? is that the best way to deal with this?
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

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#1802118 - 07/16/09 06:36 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
another day, who knows what else will go on...

i have the appt with my attorney today, hoping to clarify a few things...i also hope to figure out my living situation.

im seriously considering police report, i will see what the attorney says.

i have to stop deleting her texts, as much as i dont want to, i will need them for evidence and maybe i should be reading them to see if they are threatening.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1802577 - 07/16/09 04:21 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
ok, met with my lawyer.

i have to go to family court and fill out the petition for support.

they will then ask h to prove he has tried to get a job, prove his old job wont take him back etc. he will also have to show how he is paying for his items such as his cars and phone and where he lives.

i also went to the police station. they told me i need her to call again and i need to answer and hear her voice. once i have that, i can fill out a report for aggravated harassment.

so im waiting for her to call.

and i will go to famiyl court either tomorrow or monday.

in the meantime i can sell whatever i want from the house.

as for the separation/divorce, not actively doing anything, i explained that neither of us have the funds, so we will wait on him. he has no grounds.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1802751 - 07/16/09 08:22 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
so i sound like a big shot now, right? like its all so simple the way i have it layed out?

just talking to him before sets me back. i can be all empowered and independent and then i talk to him. and possibly hear her in the background and i fall off course again.

why would i even want him back? we all know if he showed up on the doorstep i would let him in for the night.

why? because i have waited so long that im used to wanting it?

because im afraid to totally let go? i feel myself letting go and part of me doesnt want to let myself fully let go...
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1802753 - 07/16/09 08:26 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
Doodles,

It's understandable. We all detach at our own pace. My wife has been mostly really GOOD to me (no repeat infidelity, some conflicts the past two years, but overall we get along very well), and I'm JUST NOW overcoming my co-dependent tendencies, and getting un-enmeshed. To where I feel like I'd LIKE to be with her, but I don't HAVE to be.

With someone doing what your husband has done, I would think the pace would be faster, but everyone's different. Just keep doing what you're doing -- you've come a LONG way, if you go back and read your old posts.

Back to my b-day party!!

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







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#1802949 - 07/17/09 07:31 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
thanks puppy. i did go back and read my old threads, that was a great idea.

i have improved. i have adjusted slightly to not having the store, not talking to him in the morning. not expecting the phone to ring early.

and when i allow myself to admit it, i see he isnt the same person that i married, isnt even the same person he was 6 months ago. or better yet, the person that was trying to reconcile with me and open a business, was still clearly in crisis.

i also saw great advice from you puppy. u said to stop making decisions with my heart and make decisions that i know are the right decisions to make, that my head tells me to do.

i havent done that much but will be doing it now.

he may lash out and get angry when he sees he is headed to family court, but it is the right thing to do.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1802968 - 07/17/09 08:06 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
Puppy Dog Tails Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/08
Posts: 18296
You can teach yourself to withstand the "angry." You're much more detached now than you used to be, so after you've withstood the blow of his anger once or twice, and look down at yourself and say "Hey! I'm still standing!" -- his power over you will largely be gone.

Ask a child, what hurts more, having your parent ANGRY with you, or DISAPPOINTED in you?

When you learn to operate from "DO THE RIGHT THING," they're much less likely to be disappointed in you, and you can learn to get past the anger.

Puppy
_________________________
"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen







Top
#1802971 - 07/17/09 08:14 AM Re: he was back, i think [Re: Puppy Dog Tails]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i think u are right....and if he is angry, if it makes things even worse between us, it doesnt matter because im doing the right thing.

i was always cautious about doing the "right thing" because i didnt want to jeopardize our chances of getting back together.

right now, the right thing is more important. support is more important and if we never get back together, its not because i requested the support im entitled to.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
#1803302 - 07/17/09 03:17 PM Re: he was back, i think [Re: mdoodles]
mdoodles Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/08
Posts: 1011
Loc: new york
i have been extremely busy today and im not even sure what i have accomplished. this life im leading right now is a full time job.

i did sell my living room furniture, at least some of it anyway. i guess that is a start. pretty sure i sold the swingset, waiting for confirmation of when they are picking it up.

i packed a few boxes, planned which day im going to file petition for support next week.

still attempting to figure out where and when im moving.

back still didnt confirm foreclosure on hold.

when will i get somewhere? lol

as for h, guess he isnt coming to see son today. very strange.
_________________________
me: 31
H:29
Son:5
m:8 years in november
t:10 years
first bomb: 10/06
moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08
ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06
d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08
moved home:3/09 out again 5/09

Top
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